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CHERISHING THE LONESOME: Portsmouth – the result before the match is played

ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Giving you the results before the ball leaves the centre spot.

When predicting the results with the stunning accuracy of the “All Tomorrow’s Parties” team it is important to understand the opposition, their psychology and their tactics.

Portsmouth have been pursued by Sheik Yerbooty for the past 8 years, but sadly in the end all the Sheik had was water under the bridge. (Sorry that metaphor doesn’t work, but you know what I mean).

So up steps Peter Storrie who wants to buy the club (for reasons that will not become clear at this time) who is not Peter Storey, who was a hardman midfielder who played for Arsenal. However Peter Storrie says he will bring Sheik Yerbooty into his company, and come to that he’d welcome Peter Storey if he has any of the gold left.

“But what about tactics?” says Hardly Anyone, the club manager. “No prob,” says Peter Storrie – “we were planning to park the team bus in front of the goal, but now we can have a two storey bus – in fact a double decker.”

“Desmond Decker?” asks Hardly Anyone, but no one takes any notice.

Back in the Ems the heads are pondering. “I’ve got it,” says chief wizzard Pat Rice, but the medical team soon sort it out. “We’ll put Jack Wilshere on the bus. He’s under 18 so he can pay half price.”

And thus tactics are born. Poor sad Portsmouth – but they are part of football, part of the tradition (I first went to a game there on December 6 1958 (with my mum and dad of course) – we won 1-0 and Nutt scored), and I feel for their plight. I also remember seeing them at Torquay in the fourth division, after my dad retired to the south west. “Cherishing the lonesome” is about right.

As I mentioned en passant last time, this is the team we put out for the second game of the season against Fulham, one year ago

Almunia
Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy
Walcott, Eboue, Denilson, Nasri
Van Persie, Adebayor

Toure in defence is replaced by Vermaelen – an improvement on Toure of last season so 1-0 to the Arsenal.

Walcott, Eboue and Nasri:two injured one most likely to be a sub. Instead we have the case of Arshavin, Song and Cesc – each worth a goal compared with last year’s team – 4-0 to the Arsenal

Up front Ade has gone to play with the sandpit and some say VP is not firing on all 8 cylinders, although I am not sure I fully agree, but maybe the team will change and the Lord Wenger would like to consider Bendtner and Eduardo. 6-0 to the Arsenal

On the bench that leaves VP, and maybe Vela (although one blog said he was injured and another that he is lost in the Bermuda Triangle). Then surely Half-Fare Wilshere will get a look in. There is Ramsey too, plus Eboue, Gibbs, Diaby and Silvestre. Actually I can’t remember how many on the bench there are, which shows you how excited I am.

Anyway 6-0 looks a fairly likely score, so that’s what we’ll take. Six nil to the Arsenal. We’ve got both games right so far this season, although a minor variation in the number of goals, so there is no doubt that the season will progress according to our master plan.

In the first edition of this post I mentioned a spare ticket – that has now been taken. Sorry.

(c) Tony Attwood 2009

15 comments to CHERISHING THE LONESOME: Portsmouth – the result before the match is played

  • NTANDA BASHIR

    am sure dat four goalz will be enough 4 dem but not si6 az predicted.
    thx de gooner n long live man.

  • Stanley Utoh

    Not 4our, not si6. But maybe i think it’ll be 5ive.

  • Adam Smith

    Tony,

    I am not greedy. 1-0 or 6-0 will suffice.I hope we play more or less the same team,why change a winning formula.I believe Vela is injured with some sort of ankle problem.

    Any idea what is happening to Senderos. He hasn’t been included in either of our opening games,and no one seems to want to buy him ?

    Carry on rocking around the clock, you old jiver πŸ™‚

  • Armin Medic

    agree with you Adam one-nil for the Arsenal is 3 points anyway, and that’s all what counts. But I think Le Boss will today play with moderate team, to save some a bit fragile players at the moment(RvP and Cesc I think).

    About Senderos, interesting is that he appears on official 2009/2011 team wallpaper, what by my humble opinion should mean he is staying (at last till January), usually players who aren’t supposed to stay don’t appear on such pictures….but its just wide guess

  • pig

    6 or 4 or whatever, its really 90.

  • Jonny Neale

    I got a free Β£5 bet from betfair yesterday and put it on Arsenal to win by a 5 goal margin.

    Fact of the day, when Arshavin has been in the starting line-up, Arsenal have not lost in their last 13 home games.

    This will be wasted on many but I am loving the fact we are stuffing the Aussies in the final test match at The Oval.

    Shaping up to be a perfect day of sport.

    Make some noise you home supporters – and lets take Pompey to pieces on and off the pitch. I want a statement of intent please.

  • walter

    All aboard on the bus πŸ˜‰ Could Wilshere drive the bus away from goal ? To young I guess ..
    Two hours before kickoff and unfortunatly the Arsenal game not showing live in Flanders so we have to look for a dodgy link anywhere on the internet.
    Preparing my laptop so I can put a report in as soon as the game finishes for our Gooners in the Benelux.
    All we must do is take 3 points and if we can do it by a smashing game ? Why not …

  • walter

    For those who are going to the Emirates: it looks like the Arenal have changed and brought some color into the ground ?
    Cant wait to september 10 when we are going to do an Emirates tour.

  • LRV

    Today should be another 3 pointer day. Any score from 2-0 to 6-0 will do fine as long as we keep a clean sheet.

  • KG

    @JNeale : I always love when that pr!ck Ricky Ponting’s team loses; maybe I hate that guy more than manure!

    new hairy Diaby is better than the bald Diaby it seems; and what a way to celebrate ur 100th match for Arsenal.
    what will be the midfield if Cesc misses next week’s match? Denilson – Diaby – Song?

  • LRV

    Another win, Cool. Diaby marks his 100th with a brace; Not bad. Another bizare goal from Gallas. Long may it continue.

  • walter

    Another strong team performance. Well done.
    I noticed Cesc reaching for his hamstring when taking a corner and just pray that it is nothing serious. But must say that Ramsey, once settled in the game, had a good game. But hen aint no Cesc yet.
    Who is… ?
    Almunia made a mess of the goal, he should have came in a firmer way so he should have collected the ball easie or being clear(der) fouled.
    But what the heck, what am I moaning about. πŸ˜‰

  • walter

    Anyone see the slap of Vidic against that Wigan player ? A similar thing happened 2 seasons ago when Hleb did the same en he was suspended, rightly so, for 3 weeks before the week was over.
    I wonder what will happen now….

  • walter

    and once again Tony was only one goal from the total of the goals.

  • SDK

    Actually, the most interesting fact is that Arsenal are yet to lose a match in which Arshavin has started.

    Also, this victory over Portsmouth was our tenth consecutive win over a non big four opponent in the Premier League and in all ten of these wins, the margin of victory is two goals or more.

    We definitely seem to have matured and are killing the games well for quite some time now.