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Arsenal/Wigan on “Talk like a Pirate Day”

If you have not come across “Talk like a pirate day” before, or indeed if you are not resident in England, it may come as a bit of a shock that there is such a thing.

But there is, and it has been around for about 10 years – go to http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html if you don’t believe a word I am saying.

I appreciate that the characters on the site (Cap’n Slappy, Ol’ Chumbucket and Mad Sally) sound like the Tottenham midfield, but it is all true – it is “Talk like a pirate day”.

Meanwhile back on planet Zonk it is SUPERKID DAY – yes the magnificent moment when one of our youngsters STEPS UP and PLAYS A BLINDER (actually you don’t hear that one so much these days), and is DISCOVERED.

Who is it to be?  Mannone, who makes a string of two saves to keep us in the game at 6-1?  Perhaps.  But maybe today is Wilshere Day.  Or Ramsey Day?  One or t’other me hearties.  (If English is not your first language that last sentence will be incomprehensible – it is pirate talk – as is “Why is a pirate called a pirate?”  “Because they Arghhhhhhhhh”.)

Yes, well…

One year ago we had played home games against West Bromwich Wobbleyou and beaten them 1-0, FC Twenty two and a third, 4-0, Newcastle Zebras 3-0, and so it was time for an away game at Notlob, the most backwards team in the galaxy, on 20 September.

Our team  was

  • Almunia
  • Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy (Djourou)
  • Denilson, Fabregas, Song, Eboue
  • Bendtner (Walcott) and some tall geezer who strolled around the pitch.

We won the game 3-1 (Eboue, Bendtner, Denilson) and so were top of the league having won 4 lost 1, scored 11 let in 2.

So it might seem we are not doing so well, but let us remember we had played WBA (who went down) the Zebras (who went down), Bolton (who were fairly awful) and Fulham (who surprised everyone).  We’d drawn our Champs League game in the seaside holiday town of Kiev.

It’s a tougher start this year, and the injuries just keep on coming, day by day by day by day by…

And this is what happens…

In this game Wenger surprises everyone by nominating Pat Rice to play as team mascot, while making Jack Wilshere walk the plank.   Wilshere scores 20 seconds before kick off.  Theo, anxious that his image as the sparky youngster should not be replaced, fights his way out of the team seats, screams abuse at the Lord Wenger, rushes across the pitch, knocks out Mannone, takes his jersey, and taunts the six plucky away fans who made the journey south from the land of the Pier. (George Orwell reference).

Now compare this year with last year… with rather obviously the replacements in caps.

Sagna, Toure VERMAELEN, Gallas, Clichy

Denilson DIABY, Fabregas, Song, Eboue WILSHERE/ROSICKY

Bendtner; some tall geezer who strolled around the pitch VAN PERSIE/EDUARDO

Is this an improvement?  The players who have improved vis a vis their equivalent last season are

  • Vermaelen better than Toure last year
  • Song better than Song last year
  • Wilshere/Rosicky
  • Van Persie/Eduardo better than the big bloke who strolled around

So even with us still playing half a reserve team every game, we are still better off.   And this must be the moment when Diaby (who seems to be staggeringly brilliant or staggering) shakes off the shackles, does something to the mainbrace (pirate reference) and takes on the role he did against Portsmouth (nautical reference).

As to Wilshere (Wilshere reference): he is going to win the world cup for England.  (I am not a God-fearing man but apparently it says so in Revelations).  So  he obviously is better than anyone and should play for all 234 minutes.

Don’t forget, HIGHBURY HIGH comes out next week.  If

  1. you can’t get to the games
  2. you want something without any pirate references
  3. you enjoy reading positive stuff about Arsenal

then you must obviously subscribe.

  • 6 game subscription  £12 (UK), £15 (Europe) or £18 (World)
  • Cheques payable to Highbury High
  • Address: 11 Tannington Terrace, Gillespie Road, London N5 1LE

Ahoy you landlubbers (meaningless gibberish reference).

Oh yes, we win 6-1.  (Score reference).

(c) Tony Attwood 2009

13 comments to Arsenal/Wigan on “Talk like a Pirate Day”

  • walter

    I would settle for that score, Tony.
    About the Highbury High I can answer yes 3 times but in the part of the universe where I live we don’t have cheques anymore. So unfortunatly I will not be able to order some.
    I guess I just have to keelhaul the bankdirectors who have made cheques impossible to use over here to stay in the mood of the talk like a pirates day.
    So we’ve learned another thing today early in the morning like in the what shall we do with the drunken sailor early in the morning.
    RVP almost made it in the role of Captain One Eyed last week, but I think this one is lost in translation. It sounds much better in dutch pirates talk.

  • Walter, the cheque business is frustrating. I have no idea if we can do anything about it, but I will look into whether Highbury High can take credit cards. Not a promise, but I’ll take a look.

    Tony

  • AnonymousGun

    Mannone is sad you leave him out from the team sheet :p

    I take any score as long as its 3 point in the bag. Of course 10-1 with Mannone scoring a hattrick from 3 corners setup will be nice .. but as long as its 3 pointer, I wont complain what the score will.

  • walter

    I appreciate it Tony. Just let me know if anything can be arranged. If not, well thats just life aint it. You can’t have it all.

  • stuartlondon

    Tony: Only 6-1?
    PS I think you may need a rest!

  • Marc

    Tony – Agree re: Diaby but I do think that when he plays he needs to play in central midfield. I just don’t think he performs when played as a wide midfielder or forward.

    On a side point did you see the PL review on sky last night? They did a little piece on the average heights of squads. Stoke had the highest average height, out of the top 4 Chelsea were tallest. So far no surprises but then guess which club has the shortest average height in the PL? ManU – I almost dropped my beer! All the criticism we got for being short arses and the team that won the PL are the shortest squad. Do journalists have a word in their language that translates as research?

  • LRV

    Marc: “Do journalists have a word in their language that translates as research?” No they don’t.

    Well, It’s now QED (Quite Excellently Done). We have won 4 – 0. Great.

  • Aaditya

    Verminator is the KING

  • walter

    Another great victory and my God Vermaelen is doing more then anyone of us could have dreamed, including himself.

  • Diaminedave

    Tony
    First of all great prediction – Can you please also put in lottery numbers each sat as well:)

    I know you like these pieces about madia agenda

    Compare and contrast these two pieces from the Sun and the Mirror respectively
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/2646033/Eboue-caught-up-in-cheat-row.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=Football

    http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/Arsenal-boss-Arsene-Wenger-forced-to-defend-Emmanuel-Eboue-in-new-cheat-storm-article164583.html

    These pieces both seem to be trying to stir the proverbial. Both appear to be written by the same person with a slight change in word order.
    Usually I don’t read either of these papers but was busy doing some newsnow clicking and it just struck me how similar the articles were.
    Also quite worrying that two papers who are in competition with each other, have quite large circulations, are using the same writer!
    I did put a post on A cultured left foot but it is still in moderation

  • Gerald

    Hey has something happened to Tony?

  • walter

    And still some of the moaning brigade was on the internet complaining and telling how bad some players are. Even Cesc is under fire “because he didn’t celebrate his goal enough”.
    The way I see it Cesc got kicks all game long and some tackles were dangerous. The ref did blow and gave freekicks most of the time but Cesc got som bad knocks and 10 minutes from time he looked to have got an injury. When he scored he didn’t show his joy like with the first 3 goals but I guess it was because he was disgusted by the treatment from the Wigan players and because of the injury he got.
    Just hope it is nothing serious.

  • Gerald: thanks for your enquiry. Nothing happened – just the usual rush of life.

    I live about 85 miles from the Ems, so it is a car and Underground journey. On Saturday the Piccadilly Line had huge problems (ask anyone who got to Arsenal station and found the police refusing to allow anyone in) and then we had a 30 minute turn around before going off to a post-Wedding party for a couple of friends from the dance club I go to.

    So that was a night of dancing the night away, as it were, and then a late rise on Sunday morning, and it being such a beautiful day here in the East Midlands countryside (I live in a village with beautiful walks by the river etc etc) it was not until lunchtime (which in fact is just after breakfast on a day like today) that I thought, “time for a blog”.

    Apologies to the people who posted in and found their comments not on the site – I didn’t moderate the site until about 12.30 pm sunday. Nothing personal – just my chaotic personal life!

    Tony