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Arsenal/Totts: Exclusive pre-broadcast release of MOTD discussion

Big Ears: So Noddy, what did you make of it?

Noddy: Well the red half of north London will be crowing with delight but when you look at the game in detail you can see it is more likely a false dawn.

Big Ears: Or a red sunset.

Noddy: Or a red mist.

Big Ears: Or 99 red balloons.

Noddy: Exactly.  Tottenham were extremely unlucky with all three goals.  For the first one the ball slipped under Gomes body and that really is just the sort of bad luck that can happen to any keeper.  For the second if you watch the replay you can clearly see that Fabregas was off side.

Big Ears: But he got the ball in the centre circle from the kick off.

Noddy: Nothing in the rules to say you can’t be offside in the centre circle.  Watch the replay and you’ll see there is no one in front of him, he just runs through Tottenham half on his own.

Big Ears: Well spotted.  Not many will have seen that!  And the ball hit a balloon.

Noddy:  Not many spotted that either.  The ref must have been looking the other way.

Big Ears:  And the second half…

Noddy: Half time came just at the wrong time for Tottenham and gave them a huge disadvantage and I think the FA need to consider this.  They had just gone two down in two minutes and the ref blew for the interval – I think the FA will have something to say about that too.  But Tottenham would have gone in confidence because as we know 2-0 is Arsenal’s weak point.  It’s when they collapse.

Big Ears: Except with that game against the London Street Directory…

Noddy: AZ?  (laughs insanely).

Big Ears: Indeed! (smirks contentedly).  They were 1-0 up and threw it away there.  2-0 up against West Ham.

Noddy: That just shows my case – it was there for the taking.

Big Ears: So why didn’t it get taken?

Noddy: Well it was the ref, as plain as anything.  The opportunity was there for him to give three penalties to Tottenham, and that is what you would normally see with a Tottenham game, but he bottled it totally, and when Sagna fell over his shoe laces he waved the game on, when the rules clearly say an indirect free kick to Tottenham.

Big Ears: And Arsenal scored.

Noddy: You can hardly call it scored.  A scramble over the line and I’m not sure the whole ball crossed the line.

Big Ears: How did the manager take it?

Noddy: Well you know Harry, middle of the road and calm and confident as always.  He knows his team is good enough, and that he’s got another 18 months before the bailiffs move in and he’ll be off by then counting his pension.

Big Ears: So a moral victory to Tottenham and we expect them to climb back up the league, while Arsenal are making a fuss about the theft of spoons from the board room.

Noddy:  Typical whinging moaners.  Have no doubt Tottenham will be there or there abouts, or about there abouts or there abouts there or roundabouts their roundabouts thereabouts.  There’s only room for four in the top four and I think a lot of managers haven’t quite grasped that this season.  Tottenham will be one of them and obviously we can’t see Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United slipping out, so it will be a tough season next year for Arsenal with all their stadium debts.  There’s no room for sentiments in the Premier League and its time to kick out the namby pamby wishywashy halfbaked whining about things being not fair and bolt the door after the stable has closed.  We’ve had enough of that from Arsenal over the years and Tottenham are ready to move into the void.

Big Ears: How did Liverpool do?

Noddy: Dunno!

Big Ears: Man of the Match?

Noddy: The ball boy.

Want more?  Read “Making the Arsenal” Details on www.emiratesstadium.info You’ll love it and you’ll help the people who pay for this site to make a few pennies back of the multibillion pounds of dosh they have poured in, raiding their pension funds borrowing and begging….

[That’s enough of that…   If anyone gets the money, its me.  Editor.]

We would like to thank the BBC for early access to their staggeringly brilliant and all encompassing Matches in the Darkness which will be broadcast tonight at sometime.  One hour later if you are in Holland.

(c) Tony Attwood with detailed editorial contributions from Billy the Dog McGraw who broke the doorman’s arm while gaining access to TV Centre.  Sorry about that. 2009

15 comments to Arsenal/Totts: Exclusive pre-broadcast release of MOTD discussion

  • Jazbo

    Wonderfull, well done it’s just about correct in all aspects.
    Great game today, could have been six if Eduardo had put away his chances, so well done to all the lads.

  • steww

    When TR7 comes back, Arshavin and EDS start playing as we know they can, games against this kind of inferior opposition will be won 6 – 0 not just a by a paltry 3.
    Wonderful, joyous entertainment. Shame about the idiots trying to demoralise Diaby (you could hear it loud and clear on TV so gawd knows how it affected the players) but this was tense, then fun, then controlled. That’ll do me.

  • LRV

    Oh, Pity! Are the Spuds are put to the sword?

    The tyrannous and bloody deed is done,
    The most arch deed of piteous massacre
    That ever yet this land was guilty of.

    How are the ‘mightiest Tiny-Tots’ fallen?

  • walter

    Let’s just say:

    “On the field we’ll defeat them
    The Arsenal’s on fire
    The others are all suffering
    as the Gunners play higher”

    ……

    Now the players brought us heaven
    our spirit’s all high
    Let us tell you goodbye
    we will sing till we die
    We’ll support the red an white
    it’s the team of our heart
    only fools do not chear
    for our Gunners in arms.

    What a nice result. What a great game. What a wonderfull world.

    Tony, my wife is beginning to ask herself questions about my mental sanity. She is wondering why I sometimes go to my laptop and then suddenly start laughing out loud.
    If the men in white coats have dealth with Bille McGraw, I just hope they don’t come over here. 😉

    Great job Tony.

  • walter

    Just in case of any moaning around our third goal if the pundits will try to say the ref messed up.
    A linesman can singal a foul (it was a heavy one on Eduardo) the ref saw that sagna could go on his own on the flank so he immediatly gave the ‘advantage’ signal (arms wide open) Both players stopped because the linesman waved his flag (the official signal when a linesman saw a foul in his neigbourhood): moving the flag from left to right (offside = keep the flag still).
    But a linesman can signal as many fouls as he wishes (normalle you give instructions about these matters before the game) it is always the ref and nobody els if he wishes to stop play or not. So as long he doesn’t blow there is no foul, whatever the linesman may be waving around with his flag.
    So correct decision from the ref to see the possible advantage and as we scored from it this really was a good advantage (from the refs point of view).
    Wonder what the pundits will say.

    On the cards: Bentley should have been sent of within the first minutes of the game. First delibarate handball to prevent a counter from Arsenal(yellow) the that heavy tackle on Vermaelen (= orange card as we say it : yelllow card but close to red card).
    Yellow card from Vermaelen…. very soft, played the ball clean with his left foot BUT if he would have touched the Tottenham player with his other leg (as I have explaned) the ref could have given a foul but then again a yellow is not necessary, unless the ref saw it as a dangerous tackle from behind from his point of view.

  • Flint McCullough

    Don’t be ridiculous, Tony.

    The esteemed MOTD will put an Arsenal 3 Tinys 0 on as the last 2 minuter with no analysis other than the unlucky injury/suspension hit Spuds were hit on the break 3 times !!!!

  • walter

    As last season the MOTD team was dancing in the studio with the late equalisers from tottenham, today I was jumping in my living room and I literally jumped in to lighting in my sitting room with the 2 goals in the first half.

  • walter

    Well Flint, you are spot on it seems.
    The game that in my part of Europe was called THE TOP GAME in the PL today is put somewhere in the middle of the programme.
    Oooh wait a minute…. sour grapes ? and Oooooh Liverpool lost…. very sour grapes today to MOTD-team.
    I even feel sorry for Alan Hansen to explain the unexplainable… NOT

  • walter

    But then again, I can fully understand that Portsmouth against Wigan was put earlier on the show. I even heard that the planet Mars had it live on their tv screens. It even stopped live at Mars it seems.

  • Roy Nuzrat

    Excellent! I hope the MOTD morons could read this. But no! they must be busy mourning the losses Liverpool and Spuds endured today. I am sure they’ll eventually find a ‘convincing and plausible’ reason for today’s results.

    Please keep up the good work

  • tim

    so true. stupid pundits. ‘arry is dumbass pundit #1 in my book. he’s a manager of a big club, yet he has a running column in The Sun?

  • Kitchen Sink

    Great blog been following it for a while.. you’re off the scales.. There are others who share the same ideas but don’t show the same conviction.. I might not comment but I just want you to know we are always looking forward to your next post (its always a bit harder when you aren’t doing it for the hits and plaudits but rather for the principal)because believe it or not its getting harder to find original thoughts un-influenced by the rivers of media garbage..

  • jeebus

    TOTT3NH0M

  • Cape Gooner

    Great column Tony! Funny gets funnier the closer to the truth it gets. This was very funny!

  • pig

    i watched rte’s version of motd, called ‘the premiership’. being the best match, with the best football, they showed our game first. both of the pundits and the presenter pointed out that we are playing really well, and that there is a massive gulf between the teams. eamon dunphy, the eternal gobshite, wasnt on the show but even he would have said similar things.

    when the missus got back from trick or treating i put motd on so she could see the fabulous fabregas fabulous goal. expecting, as one would, that the best match with the best football would be played first (and longest). instead motd have dumbed down. now its the most controversial (liverpool), followed by the most boring (chelsea), then the most meaningless (sunderland).

    the jug eared twat then had time to talk about rugby, horseracing and marathon running before glossing over our game. yes, they concede, arsenal have a chance, but not much of one really, especially after their blips (plural) in manchester.

    i’m glad i live in ireland and dont pay the uk tv license.

    on a happier note, the boy and i are catching a ride on a big metal bird on wednesday to london to see the boys stuff AZ properly.