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Wolverhampton: beat the bookies with Billy The Dog’s pre-match result service

The line up against Wolverhampton Wibbleyous will be much as we saw against the London Street Directory (the A to Z – do try and keep up).   Carlos Vela and Armand Traore are just about ready for action, but not quite.

Denilson hasn’t started training yet, but will do so while the silly internationals are going on, and Theo will also start running about a bit at the same time, which means that neither of them will be crocked again by the games that pit one race against another .  (OK so being English isn’t a race and we can’t call internationals racist, but they are still bloody annoying).

No news on Wilshere at this moment but that seems to suggest he is back in training but not ready to run around a lot.  Merida is fine – the issue is, will he play?

Rosicky, Nasri and Eduardo all came through their examination of the A to Z (known to cabbies as “the knowledge” if you get my drift)  so any combination of them can play.

The Wolverhampton official site is advertising a Morocco gourmet evening and telling us that Iwelumo is out for several weeks.  (That is honestly true – I am not making this up, even though you think I am).   Mine’s a plate of halibut and a pint of whelks with a double G&T on the side.

The last results of the Multiple W’s have been

  • Lost 0-1 to Manchester U away
  • Lost 2-5 to Sunderland away
  • Lost 1-0 to Portsmouth at home
  • Drew 1-1 with Everton away
  • Drew 1-1 with Villa home
  • Drew 2-2 with Stoke away

As usual, for an insight into what will happen, I went down to the allotments on Hackney Marshes to catch up with Dennis Berkgamp who is harvesting his latest crop of carrots, and picked up the inside news.

Dennis kindly bought me a triple whisky and ginger, and between us we got this team

  • Almunia,
  • Gibbs, Vermaelen, Gallas, Sagna,
  • Song, Fabregas (replaced by Ramsey after the fourth goal), Diaby or Nasri or Rosicky,
  • Arshavin, van Persie, Eduardo or Rosicky or Nasri,

On the bench: Mannone, Eboue, Ramsey, Merida, Senderos, Nasri, Rosicky, Silvestre, Algenon Fitzgibbon-Beater-Smyth.   (I think one of those is wrong, but I have to get back to work so can’t quite check it out – just a quick pint before I go, your grace).

Now down to the score. Dennis and I went for 6-1 against the Street Map.  It  was 4-1 and I can tell you we were blushing.  If it were not for that amazingly brilliant article by Tony Attwood in the programme about his historical research and his new novel (which has apparently had rave reviews from his cat) we would have had to sneak out in embarrassment.

This time we are going for the following:

Prior to the match the entire stadium “sans” the Arsenal contingent will sing “Hi Ho Wolverhampton”.   In the second half Tony’s cat escapes from his pocket, runs across the pitch but does NOT touch the ball, thus avoiding rule 184 (d) vi = interference with the ball by an alien object.   But the cat does trip up three defenders who subsequently kick each other leaving Arshavin free to back heel in from fifty yards.

The Wolverhampton crowd are ordered out of the ground by the police for singing a very silly song, and Denilson comes on as a substitute carried by two stretcher bearers.   After consultation the ref agrees that there nothing to prevent a player from playing on a stretcher, and he scores a hat trick with his right shoulder, his left shoulder and his knee. 4-0 to the Arsenal – somehow the W’s get a goal in the 19th minute of injury time.  Everyone knows it is off side but no one can be bothered to protest.

William Small-Mountain, the famous bookies, are currently offering 8 trillion to 1 on this happening, so I suspect it is a good bet.

Finally, Dennis and I returned to my public house, The Toppled Bollard, where (following requests from the natives) we gave scores out of ten to everyone who played in the game against AZ.  So here they are

  • 10
  • 10, 10, 10, 10
  • 10, 10, 10
  • 10, 10, 10

That’s about it I think.  Have you seen the pretty little bollards and their coloured ribbons outside the Auld Triangle (now re-named the Toppled Bollard) before games?  Apparently everyone is supposed to stand inside them, but no one does.  Funny old world.

(c) Bill The Dog McGraw, licensed to write extraordinarily odd stuff about the Arsenal by the Magistrates Court, Hastings, The Toppled Bollard (aka The Auld Triangle), St Thomas’ Rd.  2009.  Mine’s a pint of vodka squire.

27 comments to Wolverhampton: beat the bookies with Billy The Dog’s pre-match result service

  • LRV

    As long as we win with a comfortable 2 goal advantage, I’ll be a happy man and celebrate with a glass of Melot.

  • ondgooner

    The last time we were this cocky before a match was against Stoke where every pundit put Arsenal in all their accumulators, myself included. And what happened? We got stuffed!! 2-1 the final score. I am dreading this match as history may well repeat itself. I hope not, for our title challenge’s sake as it will all but end if we were to lose to Wolves. It means we are again not ready if we cannot dispatch of a team so green in the top flight of the English League.

  • walter

    As I last week said that Wenger could play Sagna and Eboue together from the start I’m not going to make another foolish looking prediction. Like playing Nasri and Rosicky together from the start.

  • Paul C.

    I agree with LRV, “just win, baby”. Three points is all that matters tomorrow, away from home, the day before Utd and Chelsea play. A draw wouldnt be a disaster, but if this team wants to be considered true Championship contenders, then this is a game they should win. If nothing else, it will put the memory of West Ham far behind us.

  • diceman1984

    I would say this is not a must win, but it’s pretty close….I say it’s a game we SHOULD win as title contenders…..

  • tim

    “…and Theo will also start running about a bit at the same time, which means that neither of them will be crocked again by the games that pit one race against another…”

    awesome line.

    i hope merida plays.

  • Guardian’s line up from today’s paper…

    * Almunia,
    * Gibbs, Vermaelen, Gallas, Sagna,
    * Song, Fabregas, Diaby
    * Arshavin, van Persie, Eboue

    Which is much what I said (taking out the bits in brackets) except for Eboue as a forward. Eboue played much of the game on Wednesday as a full back, so I am not so sure about playing him as a forward.

    Playing him there leaves Nasri, Rosicky, Eduardo and Merida on the sidelines. Merida I can understand to a degree because he might not yet have the bulk to withstand the sort of knocking around he’ll get from a team in the lower reaches, but to leave out Nasri, Rosicky AND Eduardo from the starting line up?

    Why do that? Eduardo is not firing at his best, but he looks to me like a player who needs games to get up ot speed. Nasri looked a bloody marvel on Wednesday – and I can see that you might not want him playing two games in a few days, so maybe an excuse there as long as he gets a run as a sub. But Rosicky only played as a sub on Wednesday so why not start him?

    Diaby does get better game by game, and we do see great flashes of the player he is going to become. When Song gets suspended or injured Diaby is going to slot in there, unless Denilson is fit, so the more Diaby plays the better he is getting, which is fine for that position.

    What will be interesting to see if just who gets the new contracts. Merdia is supposedly getting a two year deal – which if the normal trend is followed will last a year and then turn into a five year deal. Which leaves Rosicky and Eboue – both out of contract this year I believe (correct me if I am wrong).

    Anyway back to the Black Country. Give me Rosicky or Eduardo playing up front as a starter, replaced by Nasri on the hour. That will suit me fine. Van Persie and Fabregas to come off on 70 minutes when we are so many up the scoreboard blows a fuse.

  • Sky Sports News has just flashed up that Rosicky and Eduardo could start.

  • don't believe the hype

    Tony, all those line ups are mere speculation based on who is in the squad as the actual team is not announced until much closer to kick off. Why would you want to give the opposition that much ammo so early on?

    I suspect Rosicky will play on the right of the front 3 as he does help out defensively and he adds a lot creatively – he seems to bring out the best in Cesc as well.

    It’s also important for Diaby to keep playing and improving so that when Denilson is back to replace Song, Diaby can offer the physical strength and height that would otherwise be missing in midfield.

  • LRV

    Thanks Tony! I got my book today. Cheers mate!

  • walter

    Off topic, sorry.
    Just saw West Ham beat Villa in the last minute. The Hammers seem to have a habit in scoring late. And it looks like Villa is not living up to the expectations of the pundits. Remember real contender for our spot in the top 4. What a surprise, the pundit are wrong….

    Must say I’m a bit dissapointed with the points Bill the dog gave. Only 10 out of 10 for all. What a moaner. 😉

  • walter

    I know the games was a few days ago but had not found the time to react to it.

  • “Dont Believe…” yes I know everything is speculation – but on a day when I am not at the match (and that includes today) the time before the game can be difficult, so I try and spend it doing something, like reading everyone’s speculation.

    Today is really tough. I am in Wales – and Wales is playing the Green and Blues (or is it Black and Black, I forget) at hockey or something, and everyone is going mad about it.

    Worse, I am staying in a house where there is no Ever So Pointless Nothingness TV channel, so I have to go to the pub. Nothing wrong there, except that I know from past experience I am going to have to run from pub to pub to find one that has just one of its 10 screens not showing the the croquet, or whatever the game is they follow here but watch the football instead.

    So, its edgy here. And what makes it worse is that because of the anti-biotics I am on I can’t drink any alcohol, so it is going to be a couple of hours in a pub with a load of huge gentlemen of the rugby persuasion talking in a foreign tongue while I sit on my own in a corner shouting at a totally different match.

    Life is tough.

    Tell you something though – if you are in the UK and you have bought a copy of MAKING THE ARSENAL go and buy a Guardian. There is a supplement of 100 Years of Photography and there are two pictures in it which are directly related to scenes in MAKING THE ARSENAL. I’ll do a piece on it in a day or two; I was knocked out when I looked at it today, because I have never seen those pics before but they fit 100% with the scenes in the book as I imagined them. Take a look at the picture on the bottom of page 4 – which relates to the end of the story, and then the main picture on page 6 which is directly related to the very first page of the story (the page in italics).

    Cheers
    Tony

  • Relief , relief. It seems the big darts match is between England and New Zealand and not Wales, so I might be ok at finding a pub.

  • Forget all that rugby stuff – it is all wrong. The news is

    Ramsey replaces Song
    Sagna replaces Eboue
    Eduardo replaces Nasri

    Didn’t see the first one, but more or less got the other two.

  • IndianGooner

    3-0 to The Arsenal and its only Half-way through.. Are we looking at a new record scoreline for an Away game?? By the way the match is getting along, there are indications of few more goals..

    Come on you Gooners, Lets make it 8-0 and score 40 goals in the first 11 games..

  • IndianGooner

    Another wonderful performance from the Boys.. They really mean business this season..

    Sad about Diaby though.. He was really getting better and was showing a lot of his promises. Hope it is not serious..

    The strangest part is that our boys DO want to give the Moaners something to moan about. Today it was again the late goal conceded. I would take a 4-1 or 5-2 anyday rather than a 1-0 or a 2-0..

  • walter

    You got the result like it happened Tony. 😉
    Even the Wolves goal was in injury time because the link we had, a chinese station, run a few minutes behind. So for us it was injurytime.
    Great result once again. We really look great.

  • steww

    **** to the moaners that was a complete away performance, wonderful stuff. Hope Diaby recovers soon and well done young Ramsay for such a great display of composure and skill.

  • walter

    I don’t know about you but the away fans looked to totaly outsing the home fans. Or did the chinese station only gave the sound of our supporters.
    My final thoughts on my match report for the Benelux fans was something like this : “The away game to Wolverhampton, defined as dangerous, looked like a walk in the park.”
    And then to think we wasted at least another 5 o 6 great chances.
    Hope Diaby is not out long. The plan to rest Song for this game was soon over. Great game from Ramsey, sometimes you could see a little bit unexpierence but this will get better when he plays more games.

  • walter

    And now hope for a draw tomorrow ? The we have Chelsea in our reach with our game in hand. In fact I personnaly think that every result is good as long as Chelsea dont win. In that case we can be top if we win our game in hand.
    And now….. I was going to moan about the internationals but I’m in a too good mood to moan about them now.

  • So there we are, I am considerably wetter, and everyone is considerably richer by following Billy the Dogs perfect prediction of Wolverhampton W 1 Arsenal 4.

    One more injury, but at least two weeks to recover.

    Tony

  • don't believe the hype

    I hope Diaby will recover within those 2 weeks because he will be useful against Chelsea.

    I don’t think Song was just being rested – he is one card away from a ban, so don’t be surprised to see him saved for Chelsea if we have cover for him.

    Time to turn our minds to prayers that our players return in one piece from the international break and that we can pick up where we left off domestically.

  • walter

    We are averaging a 3,27 goal per match in the PL. This is stunning after 11 games. And far better then the rest with the same games played.
    What a great team we have.

  • LRV

    A good away win from the boys. Great! We had chances to score plenty more if we had wanted to.

  • walter

    And Cesc was not pleased with our performance. That’s the spirit we like to see in fact. If the players are always looking to do better the we are in for a great season.
    Don’t forget we played a CL game on wednesday and if you go away after a CL match it’s always difficult.
    In fact credit to Wolverhampton who gave us half an hour hard work. After our first goal and certainly after the second you could see they feared a spanking…

  • haho

    Tony, was that you reacting on the Guardian’s liveblog?