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Van Persie safe; Stanley Matthews signs

Stanley Matthews, the wizard of the wing, so good he once had an entire FA Cup Final all to himself, is “set to” sign for Arsenal.   Clubs across the world are “braced” for an annoucement.  

The World Player of 1958 (whose catchphrase was “Football: because it is”) was put on standby for Robin Van Persie, after fears grew that having played in 3 consecutive games he was due an injury.  

Matthews, who last week starred in an ITV 2 soap opera in which all the leading characters are dead, said he was delighted to be available in case Robin was crocked playing for Holland.. 

However with Van P looking to be safe for a run out against Barnet in a few weeks time Sir Stanley is likely to be allowed to rest, in order to ensure that he is fit for a new series of “Test Drive my Ball Skills” on Bravo.

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