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Untold Twutters – Just some loose thoughts on football and Arsenal in general – have a look

By Remak Kwen

A bitter sweet football news round-up from around the globe and the PL.

– Van Persie is out with an injury. The Dutch traitor told Dutch coach Van Gaal that he has a thigh injury. Well that is something new. For the first time in 9 seasons Van Persie got an injury before playing with Holland. A medical test has been done and the result was that the muscle that bothered Van Persie was the saf-muscle. A rather small and relative unknown muscle. One that only can be found with Manchester United players in general.

– Other well known victims of an injury on the saf-muscle was Ryan Giggs. His saf-muscle always gave him trouble when Wales had to play a friendly international. But no need to worry. The medical staff from Manchester United has a magical sponge and when they put magical water on it and rub it over the saf-muscle it gets cured in an instance.

– But that will probably have been the reason Van Persie had to park on a disabled parking place at the Manchester airport. He couldn’t walk any further with his injury. Poor soul. What are the odds on him playing over the weekend by the way? One of those mysterious United friendly international injuries that are cured before the next weekend….

– Brings me the thought: how long does it take a well educated and reasonable man (well he gave that impression) to behave like a complete twat (pardon my French) ? My estimation is about 3 months. But we have to admit he always had a bit of an arrogant attitude in his Arsenal days. But it sure has changed a lot since moving to Manchester. Parking on a disabled place… shame on you!

– Will England win the next world cup? Well better hope Sweden is not in Brazil then. Or hope that Ibrahimovic has one of his bad days. The worst part about that last goal was Shawcross sliding in to try to stop the ball and not hitting the goal post. That would have made it complete and the best goal ever.

– Cazorla didn’t play for Spain in Panama. Hip hip hurray!!! But what the f*ck. Just look at this travel scheme: London – Madrid : 2 hrs – Madrid – Panama : 11 hrs. Sitting on the bench : 2 hrs. Panama – Madrid : 11 hrs – Madrid – London: 2 hours. That is more than one day of sitting on planes, waiting for check ins, and that all for nothing. Glad Arteta isn’t in the Spanish squad. And lucky Cazorla is rather small so he has enough room on the plane. Imagine Mertesacker doing such a travel….

– With all the cancellations it is clear that this set of international friendly games is just a total waste of time, money and energy for most players. And for the fans. Romania – Belgium was played for the immense crowd of 6.000 people. Including some 4.000 free tickets. Only 2.000 stupid enough to pay money for a useless game. And even in an almost empty stadium they managed to produce riots…. Also 20 Belgium fans travelled to Romania. They never heard of the economical crisis I think.

– Arsenal are launching some new ideas to bring a bit more noise to the stadium. From now on you will not only have to enter your season ticket card or ticket in to the scanning device but also prove you can sing an Arsenal song and can shout. If you fail the test the turn style will not open.

– In every seat there will be a db-meter to see how hard you sing. If you stay silent for longer than 5 minutes your seat will launch you in the air. See if you can remain silent after that.

– Another advantage of this throwing you in the air and the shouts it will produce is that even when the game is bad you cannot say you weren’t entertained. Or the ones sitting next to you. If all goes well this should be in operation by next Saturday.

– S. Kroenke has made it public that he doesn’t mind people doing another bin bag protest. He only asked to buy them at Walmart or one of the affiliated companies. There is a special offer there for Arsenal fans. Arsenal just asks to put the bags in the bags after the protest. Do you have any idea how much it cost to make the stadium bag free? It could cost us a January transfer….

– Argentine football fans have asked their government to put the national team behind bars after only drawing 0-0 against Saudi Arabia. They asked that the government will get rid of the manager of the national team. After all, they have the know how from not that long ago on how to get rid of people. They said despite having the best players in the world they will never win anything after this game. Messi isn’t God after all they said….

– Reports say that Messi has considered a move away from Barcelona. They say he is thinking about earning at least £15M a year. Yep I think he is right. Since being a dad he knows exactly what people mean when talking about economical crisis. Do you have any idea about the price of nappies these days????

– The move away from Barcelona is just to one of the more cheaper apartments outside the city. You can do big deals know around the Spanish coast. Sorry, meant Catalan coast. And earning lots of money doesn’t mean you are immune for the economical crisis. If Arshavin uses discount vouchers, then why shouldn’t Messi do it?

– Meanwhile Arsenal play another derby game next Saturday. Just make sure that after 90 minutes each Arsenal supporter in the Emirates can say: I have done my best to support the team from the first minute.

– I hope my wife cooks me some roasted chicken this Saturday evening.

The books…

The sites…

11 comments to Untold Twutters – Just some loose thoughts on football and Arsenal in general – have a look

  • Nizam

    Don’t be surprised RVP scores a hat trick against Norw ich after his injury. This is an ingenius ploy by red facedto increase his lead.I don’t know . Maybe Arsenal oe Arsene shd play a similar game by saying gunners were injured and could not play in the internationals.
    On the subject of ffp,Ivan says the gunners will be competitive once the sponsorship deals are done.By then the gunners will be way behind the top three . It would take a minimum of two to three years to close the gap that is if the top three don’t strengthen their squad.

  • Nekuhan

    Useless internationals … Croatia depleated national team (players nearly all from European teams) played in Rijeka, Croatia the team selected from promising/reserve players playing in Croatian ligue … in front of the majestic crowd of … 4’000 !! Useless FIFA, UEFA, etc. P.S.: the score was 1:1, but who cares.

  • nicky

    @ Remak,
    An old mucker of mine frm my Army days, now a watchmaker in Manchester, told me once that there is a saf spring in a watch, similar to the human body part.
    “Gee Whizz” I said (or words to that effect) “That explains a lot”.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Kwen , Remakable ! Outstanding .Thanks to for the new info
    regarding the saf-muscle -never learned about in medical school!
    It must be situated very close to the scrotum and easily tweaked by an expert .Just grab it and give it the old hot air treatment !RIP’s future appears to be in ‘ good hands ‘!
    Or could the cause of the condition just be due to the Manchester weather ? Nah ! I didn’t think so too !

  • Stevie E

    Remak Kwen
    Brilliant! The only thing missing was a “BOOM BOOM” at the end of each paragraph. A welcome return to humour for Untold which has been sadly missing over the past months.
    Mr Editor… More like this please!!!

  • walter

    I give you the BOOM BOOM 😉

  • Matt Clarke

    Lovely stuff – I look forward to your next item.

    I particularly like the idea for the seat system for hush-a-byes. No other ground would dare do it – it would be more entertaining than the football.

  • bjtgooner

    Excellent and very funny article but; can we have ejector seats for the AAA?

  • Adam

    This is the kind of humour that first got me re-visiting this site. Nice one Remak. I really enjoyed reading that.

  • Mick

    You are right about Shawcross. Wouldn’t it have been great if he had slid into the goal at full speed, legs spread wide, and crushed his meat and two veg on the base of the post.

  • bjtgooner

    Shawcross singing descant would be quite something!