By Remak Kwen
A few bitter sweet thoughts presented and sponsored to you by Untold Twutter, the home of bitter sweet football news.
Today a special North London Derby one featuring:
The good: Cazorla, the bad: Adebye, the ugly: the totts
Everybody enjoyed the chicken meal last Saturday evening? Well I did. It tasted that good I had two pieces. Largely the same pieces. While eating the second piece I thought to myself: I have had this before. But I’ll have it back any day
After last year’s disaster the totts changed the manager, they changed the keeper but the outcome still was the same. Oh you have heard that one before didn’t you? Oh well if it didn’t make you smile again you probably are a chicken lover.
You got to give it to the totts they sure can make the Gooners happy most of the time. In fact if they wouldn’t exist being a Gooner would only be half the fun. But then again this will be the same for every other derby between close rivals I guess. And their managers also are very funny persons.
Let us start with their former manager. Arry. Arry said in some late night show that the totts would finish above Arsenal. Well if it comes to sacking more managers they will Arry. I think Arsenal has in their entire history had had fewer managers than the totts in the last 10 years. That might be a bit exaggerated maybe but will not be far off the truth.
Kompany lost the chance to ever become a regular pundit seconds later when he said Arsenal was the best team they had played against this season. They had forgotten to say to Vincent what the party line was. Or he didn’t want to follow it. Or he was just being honest (a rarity on Match of the Day). I think I saw him think, when Arry said his line “totts will finish above Arsenal”: ”Oh my God is he really that stupid?”
Just for fun I was interested to see if the totts would launch a DVD of this game so I entered the forbidden ground. You don’t know what a person has to do to write for Untold…. Anyhow on the front page you wouldn’t know the totts had a game this weekend. Nowhere the score is mentioned. Nowhere the opponent is mentioned.
Maybe they think: if we don’t mention it people will not know about it. Well we know about it. So for any one who doesn’t know it by now: Arsenal 5 – totts 2. Oh and I don’t think a DVD will be available in the shop any time soon. But the wins from the U21 and U18 against Stoke are very much highlighted. Maybe they can put those wins on a DVD?
Did you know the totts are trying to imitate us? We have the armoury of course and this is just as the canon a reminder of our origins of the gun factory. The totts are advertising on their website something about a road to glory. A picture of a Roman cobblestone road as a background. I think this will be a picture from the way White Hart Lane looked at the time they last won the league. Anyhow in the advertising picture they used the title: Under ARMOUR. Oh well they are probably just trying to be Arsenal-light I think.
Andre Villas-Boas was in a parallel universe during the game. Claiming his side was in control for 90 minutes. It made our win even better. And funnier.
Some say that the totts were in control before the sending off from Adebye. Untold checked the facts. Being in control is very much having the ball. So what did we find? Well that we lost one minute of game time almost for the totts goal celebration. 55 seconds to be precise. Technically the ball was in Arsenal possession but I didn’t count that time at all.
So until 16:34 the moment Adebye said bye when launching himself to a red card Arsenal had the ball for 443 seconds. And the totts for 466 seconds. And 55 seconds the game was dead. In percentages 49% for Arsenal and 51% for the totts. This looks rather balanced if you ask me.
Arsenal just score 3-1 while typing this. Love Arsenal player by the way. Do I see the first open spaces in the totts away block? No they will probable have been queuing up for a nice Arsenal cappuccino.
Meanwhile Adebye is another sad example on a player leaving Arsenal thinking to go on and beat the world. Playing Arsenal is followed by a 3 game ban on a few occasions now. Kicking the Dutch traitor in the face at City (I think it all went wrong from there…), now being sent off for a dangerous tackle on Cazorla. I’m starting to like him again to be honest. Not for the tackle but for being stupid.
The AAA has gone quiet a bit. But their only writer still has kept posting the same comment on each side under a different name. A doom and gloom comment of course. Maybe he is living in the same universe as Villas-Boas?
Silent Stan has made it public in a closed circle that he will go and sponsor the AAA and whatever black scarves and bin bag protesters we have around Arsenal. Each time they come above water and threaten to do a protest we have a big win. So please our dear friends of the AAA, black scarves, bin bags, march organisers, continue the good work for Arsenal. I demand a protest for each and every game!
By the way I think the new noise level raising system that we made public (an exclusive) last week did work. You sang you heart out. As it should be. But not just against the totts please. Just do it each game!
Tottenham have a song they sing, “North London is ours, north London is ours, fuck of to Woolwich, north London is ours.” In the interest of accuracy, the point should be made that
a) Woolwich Arsenal never played in Woolwich, they played in Plumstead
b) Until the 1960s, Tottenham was in Middlesex.
Thus the song might work with some reference to “We came to north London 50 years after Arsenal, and have been looking at moving to Stratford.” Doesn’t quite scan, but I am sure someone can work on it.
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