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Untold twutter week round up

By Remak Kwen

As always a new bitter sweet twutter update of all that matters in football

That is money of course.

  •  Was it fun the last week? Well it sure was. Beating that former Middlesex team was fun. Qualifying for the CL was fun. Is everybody happy????? Yeah shout the Untold faithful. Moan, moan, moan whisper the unfaithful.
  • It has been a really bad week for the AAA and for the glory hunting fan also known as plastics all around the PL. The AAA are ours of course and we know they are waiting for the first slip of any player to come out of whatever place they are hiding from. The plastics are those fans who support any team that wins the latest trophy.
  • Let us spare them a few thoughts. Plastics usually follow the big money teams. It is a fact that spending billions helps to win or buy trophies. So they can be found wearing blue shirts most of the time. Dark blue or sky blue.
  • They all are looking to next weekend in a terrible state of mind. Money $ity play Chel$ea. Come on this isn’t easy you know.  Who should they support this weekend? On Tuesday they supported Chelsea to see them lose at Juventus. On Wednesday they supported City to see them go out of the CL and sit last in their group.
  • But our plastic knows that the money spend will bring something. So they are desperate this weekend to make the right choice. But the Untold twutter service will help them out on how to support both teams and no matter the final result they will feel they won the game.
  • So what follows is the manual for the plastic for the weekend, Sunday afternoon. You take a dark blue shirt. You take two buckets (you can call them Bouquet if you want). Fill one with bleach water. The other with dark blue textile paint.
  •  You sit in front of your TV with the two buckets in front of you. Put on the dark blue shirt. If Chelsea score you can just jump up and have to do nothing. Just act as the normal Chelsea plastic prat acts.
  • If City scores… you pull out your dark blue shirt put it in the bucket with the bleach water. Stand naked in front of your TV, turn your back to the TV and do the Poznan on your own. As a plastic you don’t have friends anyway to join you. When the Poznan is done you take the now sky blue t-shirt out of the water and …you are now officially a $ity prat. Just act like one. Brag about how much money you can spend and how you won the league last season. Don’t mention on goal difference.
  • If by accident Chelsea were to score again: pull out your t-shirt and put it in the bucket with dark blue textile paint in. Celebrate your goal acting like a monkey. And then you pull on the now dark blue shirt.
  • The advantage is that you can enjoy each goal no matter who scores. After all it doesn’t really matter as long as you can say at the end of the season: I supported the champions all season long. No matter what: you are a winner and you know it.
  • One final note: do take a shower after the game. Otherwise you will smell like… well like a plastic smells.
  • Meanwhile all kinds of people are trying to do their best to get mentioned in the Untold twutter messages. The FA, Chelsea and the Chelsea owner, both of them together. Will we? Why not.
  •  For anyone coming home from Mars: Di Matteo has been sacked as Chelsea manager. Nothing special you say. Well in fact you are right. But yesterday Abramovich had a little part to celebrate the spending of some £100M on compensation for sacking managers in his tenure at Chelsea. £100M just on sacking managers in some 10 years time…. Not good for your FFP application form.
  • Abramovich surely must be the most incompetent manager choosing owner of a football club. All managers he picked were a mistake at the end. He doesn’t allow any of his managers to make 3 mistakes (not playing Torrest obviously) in their career. But he does allow himself 9 mistakes in total and still hasn’t kicked himself out.
  • Has Benitez been sacked yet? If it depends on the Chelsea plastics he should because they don’t seem to like him that much.  Ashley Cole is on his way out though.
  • We could also look at it in a different way. Abramovich is just like the Euro Millions lottery. Any manager that came to Chelsea has won a big prize in the Chelsea Euro Millions show. In fact they want to get fired I think. And it is easy to do. Just don’t play Torres and lose the game. And off you go with a nice filled bank account. In the Euro Millions you have a chance of 1 on 1,000,000,000,000.000 to win. At Chelsea the winning chance is 1 on 1. In the Euro Millions any ordinary guy can win. At Chelsea it is more for the already wealthy people. An exclusive lottery one could say.
  • Staying at Chelsea but moving on to the FA. Clattenburg said nothing about a monkey against Mikel. Mikel who didn’t hear it but who heard it from Ramires, who heard it from Mata, who heard it from …
  • Chelsea gets no punishment for their false accusations. Would a £100M fine have hurt Chelsea? Nah, you know it wouldn’t. But the FA missed the chance to earn some petro pounds. They could have used the money to finance the Wembley debts. It wouldn’t have hurt Abramovich as he pays the same for sacking managers. And it would have helped the FA. Are they that stupid? Well apparently they are.  They just missed a golden opportunity.
  • Meanwhile the bets are open on when Benitez will be sacked. Will he make it to the end of the season? I think he will last some 25 games at the most. But we do know who will win at the end… yep the bank account of Benitez will be the next winner in the Abramovich Euro Million lottery, we just don’t know when yet

Late news:

  • QPR have Arry the Red, so lots of fun there still to come.  Brown envelope anyone?
  • Till twutters.  PTL

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The books…

The sites…

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2 comments to Untold twutter week round up

  • Gerry Lennon

    The best funny regards Chelsea was the hotel changing the name of its suite to the Benitez Suite .. ‘Ideal for short stays’.
    Strange part is there are still some who would like our own Billionaire running our club??

  • Stuart

    Remak,
    What is the song for this weekend? I quite liked the one for last weekend, you know, ‘we came to North London 50 years ago and are looking at moving to Stratford’

    Any inspiration for this weekend?