The Profile of a Pessimistic Gooner (aka Gonner)
Following on numerous dismal and disillusioned posts by Gooners across cyberspace in the wake of our poor performances (except at Reading) in the last few weeks, I was struck by the exaggerated and desperate negativism and pessimism on display from self-described fans. This made me wonder, being a retired referee, psychotherapist and clinical psychologist, what personality traits such people seem to maintain as a group. Here is my go at a tongue-in-cheek, arms-length analysis of such characters:
1) The degree of ventilation (unfettered expressing of emotion to relieve anxiety) displayed is indicative of certain aspects of narcissism accompanied by contiguous and uncontrolled Pavlovian approach-avoidance behaviours. In other words, spoilt whiners with petulant reactions. The remedy is a month supporting Millwall.
2) The perennial but uncommon dissatisfaction with Arsene Wenger is a reflection of a form of arrested development seen in immature persons with low self-esteem but delusional visions of grandeur. In other words adolescent angst shown by adults for whom success at any price is a viable lifestyle. The remedy is 2 months as Chelsea’s manager (a very long tenure for that club).
3) The transient and ephemeral neurotic adherence to a mythical illusion of historical perfection grounded in a false and irrational belief that such success is inevitably achievable through sufficiently enormous and unlimited financial recklessness. In other words ¨win at all costs¨ weathervane fans suffering from a despairing awareness that no one is listening to their apparently convincing and infallible expertise. In other words legends in their own minds being found out to be hollow strawmen. The remedy is to have their access to Fantasy football Manager taken away for at least 3 months).
4) The unbelievably naive conviction and unfounded sense of entitlement to the idealized ¨top of the mountain¨ regularly displayed is a trait of the pseudo supporter, whose allegiance to the Club is predicated on the same club meeting his or her absolute standards of achievement, which no other Club in the world is expected to parallel. In other words an arm-chair Fantasy Football plastic fanboy whose sense of worth is predicated on an outside source meeting their impossible dreams.
The remedy is to support Liverpool for 4 months.
5) An orchestrated hysterical and excessively theatrical reaction from so-called Arsenal supporters to any setback perceived or real (often a tie, a win that is less ¨convincing¨, a hard fought loss under very difficult circumstances, etc.) is in actuality a seriously underdeveloped ego, whose fragility and shallowness reflects the true and underlying inherently failure-oriented mentality of these ¨fans¨. In other words, a bunch of knee-jerks who can’t take the heat but want to stay in the kitchen as long as the stove is off. The remedy is a cocktail: equal parts valium, x-lax and castor oil….gets the excrement moving.
6) The mob mentality displayed by these bullies, who seek to denigrate and demean anyone who contests their divinely inspired and infallible Football ¨expertise¨ is really a tribalism founded on feeble-minded and prejudicial hooliganism which is a direct descendant of the earlier extremism and lawlessness that prevailed in the UK, now known as the Millwall psychosis. In other words, if ya don’t like what I say…I’ll stick it up ya, ya wanker! The remedy is a 5 month sentence in a HRM detention centre of your choice, with no time off for any behaviour,good or bad.
There are more socio-emotional aberrant traits and attitudes these Gonners inevitably show but the above are presented in order to get the ball rolling, so to speak…..now on with the match!
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