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What have the board and Wenger ever done for us?

WHAT HAVE THE BOARD AND WENGER EVER DONE FOR US?

(With thanks and apologies to Monty Python)

By Peter Northcott

[Setting: A meeting between the Black Scarf Movement and the Arsenal Supporters Trust to plot the downfall of the Board and Arsene Wenger]

BSM: They’ve bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers’ fathers.

AST: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.

BSM: Yeah that too.

AST: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.

BSM: Yeah. All right. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!

FAN 1:  A new training ground?

BSM: What?

FAN 1: A new training ground – after Arsenal sold Anelka the profit went into the training ground.

BSM: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. But what have they given us apart from a new training ground.

FAN 2: And 13 consecutive champions league qualifications under Wenger.

AST: Oh, yeah, 13 consecutive champions league qualifications under Wenger. Remember what we used to be like?

BSM: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the training ground and the 13 consecutive champions league qualifications are two things that the Board and Wenger have done.  But what have they done for us apart from that?

FAN 3:  Given us seven major trophies.

BST: Well, yeah. Obviously the seven major trophies. I mean, the trophies go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the new training ground, 13 consecutive champions league qualifications, and the seven major trophies… what … have … they … ever … done … for … us?

FAN 2: Two doubles.

FAN 1: The only unbeaten season in modern times.

FANS: Huh? Heh? Huh…

FAN 4:A fantastic new stadium

FANS: Ohh…

BSM: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

FAN 5: And the beautiful football.  None of your endless parking the bus

FANS: Oh, yes. Yeah…

FAN 6: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss if Wenger left. Huh.

FAN 4: Some of the world’s best players.

AST: And we have remained on a sound financial footing throughout – and the benefits of prudence are now being felt.

FAN 6: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep financial order. Let’s face it. They’re the only ones who could in a place like this, what with bankers and all.

FANS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

BSM: All right, but apart from the 13 consecutive champions league qualifications under Wenger, the only unbeaten season in modern times, a fantastic new stadium, beautiful football, sound finances, the two doubles, 7 major trophies, a new training ground, and some of the world’s best players, what have the Board and Wenger ever done for us?

FAN 1: Delivered one of the world’s top clubs for us, our children and our children’s children to enjoy.

BSM: Oh. One of the world’s top clubs? Shut up!

The books…

The sites from the same team…

 

69 comments to What have the board and Wenger ever done for us?

  • Mickeyk

    Still haven’t won anything for nine long years.while Chelsea have won everything.theres no atmosphere at the new stadium it’s soulless .every other club has got a new training ground .so your happy getting in CL every year and not winning anything we don’t need surpporters like you.

  • elkieno

    Brilliant!

  • Mick

    Allright, allright, all very well, BUT if you ignore all that the fact remains we haven’t won a trophy for 8 years and according to the doom brigade that is all that matters and therefore Wenger is rubbish!
    We want our Arsenal back!

  • elkieno

    Did AST change their tune at the end of that?

  • Matt Clarke

    Quod ego vere fruendum.
    Anti praebiti abire

  • Tasos

    Arsene Wenger, the messiah or a very naughty boy?

  • Barndoor Bendtner

    Can just see us all going through the turnstiles to ”Line on the left. One cross each. “

  • elkieno

    Mickey: clearly u don’t get it at all

  • Mickeyk

    Clearly you don’t get it

  • elkieno

    And it’s you’re as in ‘you are’, but the fact we haven’t won anything in 8 years (this ones not over and the 8 haven’t been any longer than the 100 odd before), is cos we have bought and paid for all that stuff with our own money and before all the new training grounds we built, probably with tax payer money.
    I couldn’t be assed explaining it again to ppl like you, you know it abs have heard it before, it just doesn’t click.

  • elkieno

    Stupid auto correct

  • Al

    and don’t forget…mu haven’t won anything for 6 or 7 years in late 60’s… so? and dont forget what are the clubs was “better” then arsenal all those years.
    MONEY (chlensy)
    MONEY MONEY MONEY (MChitty) and
    MU

    arsenal loose to oil-balalaika money. and rednose “i’vegotrefsphonenumber” alex.

    there’s no hope for wenger haters. still no cure for them.

  • Arseniel

    No not stupid auto correct. STUPID Mikeyk. You just can’t argue with stupid. 8 years without a trophy has been painful but is a small price to pay for the new infrastructure and foundations that have been laid doen for our future success.

    Problem with stupid people is that want instant gratification in their miserable little lives. They simply CAN’T understand that we dont have a billionaire sugar daddy like Chelski and Manshitty to buy us a new stadium, players and trophies.

    Even now a we see that the club is about to take its rightfull place among the elite clubs in the world, stupid people still hold on to their bitterness and anger – which by the way, helped no one during our period of austerity. I guess if you’re born stupid, it’s not your fault and you probably won’t/can’t change so for the rest of us, it’s time to rejoice and celebrate the beginnings of hopefully a long periods of success on the pitch and financially. I look forward to seeing many more world lass players coming to and being developed by Arsenal in the coming years.

  • Mickeyk,

    As the first commenter on this thread, you have made the point that is the only grouse of your ilk: NO TROPHIES IN 8 YEARS!!! Going by your logic, about 95% of all the clubs in England and indeed the world should have no fans as they don’t win trophies. You are a classic glory hunter. Arsenal FC can do better than your type of fan.

    As I have always said, nothing else matters to the trophy junkies, so arguing with them or listing the club’s other great and more enduring achievements is a waste of time.

  • Mickeyk

    We see who’s stupid at the end of the season .wenger out

  • Mickeyk

    Stay in hertfordshire were you belong .your all new comers .

  • Mickeyk

    Boot .35 YEARS I’ve being going to arsenal .you Mug

  • Arseniel

    When you are stupid you SIMPLY CAN’T understand that every time you open your mouth, you prove more and more how stupid you are. If you truly are a fan, your optimism and your passion would not allow you to hope Arsenal are unsuccessful “by the end of this season”. When you can see the team doing well and individual players improving and coming into their own, and the club if ally looking for top quality recruits, how is it possible that even the most stupid and bitter can’t at least stop and see what happens – i.e. give an optimistic being it of the doubt. Well.. Stud answer is simple. Stupid people prefer to have gloom and doom around them and want to project gloom and doom to everybody else.

    Problem for them is that they will have to find another club now because clear the doom clouds have lifted from above Arsenal and the good times are just about to roll. COYG!

  • Al

    ok. hopeless.

  • Mickeyk,

    No one knows if you are only 10 or 15 years old (as your comments show) so your claim is both dubious and irrelevant. You are still a sorry excuse for a football fan though. My verdict is based on the logic of what you wrote here and that is all I care about.

  • elkieno

    Classic symptoms mikyk ..

  • elkieno

    Of Spud behaviour

  • Mickeyk

    Not really a football fan .I’m an arsenal surpporter.

  • Arseniel

    @Bootoomee

    Sorry fella. Don’t agree with you. I don’t think its a waste of time. I think we should all persist in shoving the club’s enduring achievements down the throats of even the most stupid of fans. They might not get it – true! – but having something stuck in their miserable, depressed, bitter little throats might shut them up!

  • Mickeyk

    For crying out loud .who are you people.

  • OMGArsenal

    Mickeyk…….your kind of semi-educated troll is ubiquitous on UA:

    1)You Cannot spell nor compose proper syntax even with the help of autocorrect.

    2)You can’t even get your ¨facts¨straight…its 8 years NOT 9.
    Chelsea have won ¨everything¨? Tell that to a United fan.

    3)Wenger out? Is that the best you can do? You forgot to mention how bad Ramsey and Walcott are, or how useless Szcesny is!

    Walter and Tony, please continue to allow cretins like Mickeyk to post here so we true Gooners can enjoy ridiculing moronic posts like his and profit from a living example of AAA stupidity, lack of imagination and perpetual dim-witlessness….all in 25 misspelled words or less.

  • elkieno

    Arsenal supporters and fans supposedly like you, where did it go wrong?

  • Arseniel

    One more thing – like Jonesy in Dads Army used to say. The stupid people don’t like it up it seems! How hilarious. They can only stand gloom and doom. The proof is above for all to see!

  • blacksheep63

    Dear Mickeyk,

    you are clearly suffering from ‘the man from row 15’ malaise. You may well have been going to the Arsenal for 35 years and quite possibly live within a hop skip and a jump of Highbury but you are unhappy. I get that. Despite the years of success, the improvements to the facilities, and the continued ability to dine at the top table, you yearn for the days of George Graham and the ‘real’ Arsenal.
    But worry no longer, help is at hand. If you possess a season ticket you can now exchange it and hope that at the end of the season Arsenal finish mid table and M.Wenger is replaced by someone less French and more to your satisfaction. If you buy your tickets by the game then perhaps desist. Either way why not allow someone else to occupy your plastic seat and go and watch one of over 40 other football clubs in the London area. Or move to Hertfordshire and take up golf.
    I’m sure the current team will cope without you…

  • Arseniel

    OMGArsenal shoots……..and he scores!!!!!!

    Good hit fella. Spot on

  • Mickeyk

    That’s all for today I’ve actually got a life .you mugs

  • Haha that’s funny… love that scene in the movie. I like this kind of banter between fans. Sure beats the usual bickering.

  • marcus

    Ah! George Graham, I get all bunged up just thinking about him

  • Mickeyk

    One last post .born &bred in islington .cant spell but I know about football .just going out in the taxi to earn some more tax free money .thank you

  • elkieno

    and that life is miserable and sad, mickeyk.
    anyway, the article did AST start changing their tune at the end of the ‘scene’?
    they start off by wanting everyone out with BSM but then end up helping give good things AW did etc.
    I cant remember the original movie in that detail and am I maybe getting it wrong?

  • Arseniel

    Like I said earlier. The more they open their mouths, the more stupid they confirm they really are. Bye bye Mikeyk

  • I’m not an often poster here but a regular visitor but the comments have drawn me in especially the exchange with MickeyK.

    I’m completely pro-Wenger and fully appreciate what has been done at Arsenal during the Wenger era. I think once he goes, he will be, rightfully, regarded as Arsenal’s greatest manager because of the teams and players we’ve all been privileged to have seen and support. Also I can think of any other manager in world football who would have been as good for Arsenal as Wenger during the last 10 years of the transition from the old stade to the new stade. Wenger doesn’t need a statue, the stadium is truly Wenger’s stadium whatever is it’s corporate name.

    And I bet you Wenger will be the first to say things happen in cycles and maybe Wenger’s cycle is coming to an end. Maybe it isn’t and we shall see how the season ends. I personally hope it isn’t, I personally hope that his hard work over the last ten years is rewarded.

    But I also feel MickeyK frustrations – it has been so so long since we’ve experienced that joy of winning something. I can barely remember the euphoria of Viera’s last kick for Arsenal, and I want to feel that again! And who hasn’t wondered over the last few seasons whether that will happen again and if so when? Let’s face it, over the last few seasons we’ve been out of contention so early, our exits from the cups have seemingly all fallen away in a space of ten days (last year humiliatingly) leaving only CL qualification and it was only really last season (and the lasagne season) that actually felt like winning something.

    And this season, do we have the squad strength to do anything? Common opinion says no.

    Personally I think there is something brewing on the pitch and in the team, something very very special. And I am feeling an excitement build in me that I’ve not felt in a long while.

  • blacksheep63

    so our Mickeyk is a tax dodger? Nice. I’m sure we now have his email details on file….

  • Mandy Dodd

    And this team will deliver the holy grail

  • Mickeyk

    Anyone for tickets

  • Mickeyk

    Every black cab in London is a tax dodger

  • Mickeyk

    Your winding me UP you mugs

  • Stuart

    Mickeyk,
    No atmosphere at the new stadium? That is the fans fault surely?

  • Mickeyk

    Yep the NEW fans

  • ARSENAL 13

    hahhhahhah……We have at least one, every page.

    I was making up my mind to join AST…..Thanx to that statement, Now I have decided against.

  • Arseniel

    Mikey’s. are still here. How much more abuse can you take?

  • Pete

    For those interested, was adapted from:

    http://montypython.50webs.com/scripts/Life_of_Brian/10.htm

    Tasos, Barndoor Bendtner, Mandy etc – love it!

    Looking forward to Brickfields…

  • WalterBroeckx

    I think Mickey is the one who said that if AW would buy a player for more than 20M he would take a picture of his private parts and send them to @geoffarsenal on twitter.
    I know he was driving a cab so what a coincidence there would be two such cab drivers. 🙂

    That Geoff person has been asking for that picture to put it on the net but I think the cab driver didn’t react any more.

    so he is just an completely Anti-Wenger, Anti-Board and of course Anti-arsenal hence AAA

  • Mandy Dodd

    Great stuff Pete!

  • Mandy Dodd

    In my unfortunate experience, 80% of London cab drivers are Spuds. Ex Tottenham Mickey Hazard is also one of them!

  • americangooner

    On the topic of monty python, mickey must’ve come from this clinic.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

  • WalterBroeckx

    thanks for that link, americangooner 🙂

  • Rufusstan

    When I saw the idea we should be more like Chelsea I smiled, then thought of the list of stats to counter it, then saw the rest of the posts.

    It is just not worth it.

    That said, brilliant Article.

    Already wondering what could be done with 4 Yorkshiremen or the Dead Parrot Sketch along similar lines

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ -Pete – Just came back home from a meeting and was wondering why my ears were burning – apparently I’ ve been summoned !
    Here goes – A Cab Driver Goes to Heaven

    A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

    Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”

    The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”

    St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, “This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”

    And this website unanimously sighed in relief and thanked god when he ! That must have helped on his way !
    Altogether now – “Another one bites the dust !Another one bites the dust ! Another one gone ! Another gone…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE

  • Brickfields Gunners

    ….when he left us ! Damn wine !

  • Woolwich Peripatetic

    I simply do not believe anyone who claims to have watched Arsenal for 35 years who thinks that where we are now is worse than where we were in the mid-eighties to mid-nineties. I only vaguely remember Tottenham finishing above us in the table, taking the piss out of my Scouse mate after THAT game at Anfield, etc. I have a clearer memory of what kind of team we were at the start of the PL era. And that was basically nowhere.

    I expect the moronic nonsense from people who’ve been ‘Gunners’ for fifteen years or less.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ americangooner – OMG ! Many thanks for that link !Sobered me up no end ,that did !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    10 things a cabbie should NOT to say to a cop.

    1. I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
    2. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in
    3. Aren’t you the guy from the village people?
    4. You must’ve been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! good job!
    5. Excuse me, is stick ’em up hyphenated?
    6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
    7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
    8. You’re not gonna check the trunk are you?
    9. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
    10. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell out of my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control…

  • Brickfields Gunners

    AH SO !

    Made in Japan

    A Japanese man who went to London sightseeing.
    On the final day of his holiday, he called a cab to the airport.
    During the journey, a Nissan drove past the cab. Thereupon, the man leaned forward excitedly and shouted, “Nissan, very fast! Made in Japan!”
    After a while, a Toyota zoomed past the cab. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and shouted, ” Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
    And then a Mitsubishi sped past the cab. For the third time, the the man leaned forward excitedly and shouted, “, Mitsubishi! Made in Japan!”
    The driver was a little irritated, but he kept quiet… this went on for quite some time. Finally, the cab arrived at the airport.
    The fare was £150… The Japanese man exclaimed, “Wah?… so expensive!”
    The driver replied, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Taxi Driver Humour

    A man and women are outside of town in a car in the backseat doing what men and women do in backseats when all of a sudden half way the woman stops and says to the guy: “Sorry, I should have told you this, but I’m a prostitute and I charge $15.”

    So the man gives the woman $15 and they finish up and he gets back into the front seat turns the car on and just sits there and she asks him why he isn’t going and he tells her: “I should have told you this before, But I’m really a taxi driver and fare back to town is $20.”

  • Stuart

    Mickey is just a confused Cab driver. He joined the AAA in case his car breaks down.

  • Mickeyk

    Forgive me

  • Florian

    Mickeyk, you forgot to say I’m sorry.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Speaking of hookers …..

    A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their 20th wedding anniversary when the wife says,
    ‘Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession…… Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years..’

    The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and says,
    ‘My love, you have been a perfect wife for 20 years and I cannot hold your past against you.. So may be you could show me a few tricks of the trade so as to spice up our sex life a bit..?’

    She said,
    ‘Darling I don’t think you understood me correctly, my name was Robin and I played rugby for Ireland ……..’

  • Pete

    Brickfields – I will never challenge you again…!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Pete – Please do , it’ll stimulate me to further exertions ,
    well ,probably not exertions, but to outdo myself !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Let us pray………………….
    Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
    Give me the grace to see a joke,
    To get some humor out of life,
    And pass it on to other folk .

    Marriage Humour

    Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
    Husband: Nothing.
    Wife: ‘Nothing . . . ? You’ve been studying our marriage certificate for quite some time.’
    Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’

    ——————————-

    Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
    Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
    Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

    ——————————————————–
    Stress Reliever

    Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
    Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
    Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’

    ——————————
    Son: ‘Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
    Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
    Son: ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’

    ________________________________

    A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
    ‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

    ————————————————————

    A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor!’

    Husbands are husbands

    A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. ‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied , ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’. The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week , Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’