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March 2018
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The funniest transfer story of all time

By Tony Attwood

Having learned to stand upside down, deal with very large lizards and not get frightened by some very alarming bird calls, and having been stung by a jellyfish the wildness of transfer rumours, well, half a a world away.

But I must say the Daily Mirror gave me a laugh-out-loud moment with its story that “Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is reportedly a shock target for Barcelona.   The Portuguese has been linked with an emotional return to Old Trafford in recent times but recently pledged his future to the Champions League holders.   Nevertheless, AS cite a story from El Larguero that suggests Barca are keen on snapping him up this summer.

“It is claimed their presidential candidate Joan Laporta met with Ronaldo’s agent Jorge Mendes yesterday.”

Now this is someone beyond the pale because you see this coming January the jolly old Barcelona can’t sign anyone because Fifa, for once in its life doing the right thing, has banned them from signing anyone.  Indeed come next July and August they are in the same position.   They have to wait until 1 January 2016 to make a signing.

Odd that the Mirror forgot that.  Still, so did the increasingly weird, wild and woolly Daily Telegraph which ran the headline line, “Barcelona to rival Man Utd for Ronaldo signing”

This joined up journalism really is a bit tough.  I mean, you can make up your rumours, but when one of the participants is forbidden from dealing, it makes the whole thing look a bit, well, daft.

So what else is new?  Well, Liverpool are ready to rival Arsenal for the signature of 19-year-old Lazio striker Keita Balde Diao according to the Sunday Excess.

And Lukas Podolski, 29, “looks set to leave Arsenal in January after bemoaning his lack of first-team opportunities at the Emirates.”    That is in the The Evening Standard, who also announce that Roma striker Mattia Destro, 23, has welcomed rumours linking him with a move to Arsenal.

The Sunday Sun (the reborn News of the World) says, “Everton are lining up a move for Arsenal misfit Joel Campbell, 22, and are prepared to pay £7m for the Costa Rica striker.”

And back with the weird and wonderful, the Telegraph says, “David De Gea’s broken finger will not prompt Manchester United to sign 32-year-old free agent Victor Valdes, with reserve goalkeeper Anders Lindegaard set to play against Arsenal instead.”   So, the RUMOUR is that with their first team keeper injured Man U are going to play their reserve keeper.  WOW!!!!  Really working hard at the Telegraph, these days.

Nothing to do with Arsenal, but pertinent given the issue of managers and their security of tenure, “Liverpool are considering whether to sack manager Brendan Rodgers after an underwhelming start to the season.”  That’s the Mighty Metro.   Tough one that.  I wonder who they have lined up as a replacement.

And don’t forget

  • San Marino 0 Estonia 0
  • Moldova 0 Liechtenstein 1

Those are not rumours, they are results.

Untold’s indexy type things

The books





20 comments to The funniest transfer story of all time

  • Nicky

    I thought the funniest part of your post was your encounter with a jellyfish. That’ll teach you to always use footwear on OZ beaches. And if the surf is higher than 18″, stay in the dry.

  • Transfer rumours alwayz make my day

  • Nekuhan

    You forgot Greece vs Feroe Islands = 0:1! What a joke!

  • Mandy Dodd

    yes, some very very silly stuff out there. Also read Bale to Chelsea recently….so Real about to sell 2 of their best players! guess they do have the flavour of the month in Isco.
    Not on transfers, but did read that Wenger has been telling the world that Ozil returned from the WC with a knee injury. Seems like Ozil has been in the wars a bit lately,on a few issues and may explain a few things…as opposed to the media spin that he is unhappy at Arsenal because wenger is rubbish and wants to go to City….where he will soon be joined by the unhappy Alexis…or something like that, lose track of our media’s works of fiction.

  • Will

    I hope Poldi stays and gets more games, for me he is the best finisher we have.

  • Umar

    Bentner to Arsenal is not that far,Tony.

  • Gooner S

    Nice post but it does bring to mind that Figo went to Real from Barcelona. Ok there wasnt a transfer ban in place at the tine on either team but football is a “funny old game”.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Can you believe it that in 45 days time we are once again in the middle of that transfer window madness….. yuk

  • Gord

    Not really a transfer story, but the news does have an article or two about Diaby getting a new contract.

    There is a report of Arsenal going to Singapore next summer. Arseblog is pointing to a Straits Times piece, which apparently has no proof.

    Above, Umar mentions Bendtner coming back to Arsenal. I see a news article about Bendtner still attacking Arsenal.

    Apparently Paul Merson is going to be in Tony’s area a week from Friday. I would imagine he is going to produce more revelations as to what Wenger is doing wrong.

    Not a Faroe Islands type story, but Cyprus beat Andorra. Former Arsenal youth Georgios ‘George’ Efrem getting a hat trick.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    I QUIT ! How many times do we hear this every day ? Too many if you ask me !

  • Nekuhan

    Now I forgot Bulgaria vs Malta = 1:1! What another joke!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Gord – Methinks that there’ll be many an AAAA attending the talk . Expect much AW bashing on the night !
    The good news ? Apparently the good people and Police don’t want any violence . Good on them !
    Northamptonshire residents urged to report people with illegally held guns.

  • Gord

    Guess who we get to officiate ManU? Mike Dean!

    J Collin D England M Jones are the other officials.

  • Gord

    I’m not a believer in guns Brickfields, but in North America that kind of thing (gun amnesty) doesn’t work well. People who believe in guns, can justify all kinds of guns. Lots of people in Alberta have 0.50 calibre guns (rifles). Many years ago, I was at a meeting of people who want to get a colony going on the Moon. One of the people from the USA at the meeting suggested that a Lunar Constitution include the right to own and possess guns. If you live in a vacuum, why do you want guns? One bad shot, and everybody dies.

    As far as Merson’s talk in Northampton, the news article said he is selling customized Arsenal shirts at it (and there is an auction). He probably gets the shirts for free from Arsenal, and then spends the evening giving the AAA amunition (seeing as we were talking guns).

  • Andy Mack

    Personally I think there’s a time and a place for gun usage. Just before our next game in the refs changing room is my suggestion!

  • Nicky

    And on the 1st February, speculation madness begins all over again on who we should buy in the Summer Window. Grrrr….

  • Gord

    With respect to my 4:26pm note, here is Untold 2013 review of Mike Dean (ref for ManU game, with J Collin D England M Jones for support).

  • @Swales1968

    it is the same old every transfer window, media hacks make up a story “Arsenal lead race to sign J.Bloggs for £20m” a few days later “Chelsea in race to sign J.BLoggs” a couple of days further on “City lead chase for J.Bloggs from Arsenal & Chelsea”. come the transfer window J.Bloggs signs new contract with Real Madrid the newspapers leads with “Arsenal miss out on J.BLoggs” all the time there are no direct quotes from anybody at the 3 clubs mentioned.
    Sports reporting is now about the headlines and sensationalism no direct quotes needed, no truth within the story as long as the headline is BIG

  • Tony Attwood

    I am not sure how Paul Merson will get on in Northampton. The big news that I have read from there, during my time in Oz is that the local sandwich makers are in uproar over Hungarian sandwich makers being brought into the town to replace them.