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Arsenal put 30,000 up for sale

In a radical move Arsenal FC has announced that it is to offer a number of its supporters for sale in the January transfer window.

“It is important to be able to rotate the fans as well as the team,” said the Head of Things, at the Emirates Stadium. “Some of these supporters have been with us for years, and it is time to move them on.”

“We are particularly looking to transfer those people who leave before the end of the match, although we are also looking to give assisted transfers to those who arrive late, or wander out before half time.

“We currently have 40,000 supporters who are season ticket holders, plus 47,500 supporters who have paid to be on the season ticket waiting list. At the moment about 500 people a year give up their season ticket, and this is clearly not enough.

“Our belief is that other clubs could benefit from taking these supporters. For example, the Tiny Fantasist team along the Seven Sisters Road has announced that it has a waiting list of 20,000 – but this number as we know is a fake, for it includes all their members who are automatically put on the waiting list. They could have some of ours.

The plan appears to be that moving the 30,000 on could kill several stones with one bird. Those getting the season tickets to replace the ones who leave early would be required to sign a pledge that they would not leave early. Those who are transfered to the Tiny Fantasists would be asked to sign a pledge to say they would leave early.

“The Fantasists under Harry Hotspur have done very well,” said the Head of Things at the stadium. “They are currently one from bottom in the EPL and stuff is looking good down the Lane. They have gained permission for their new training ground. So fans who leave 10 minutes before the end should feel at home.”

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Line pointed out that watching the Fantasists could lead to an Early Grave, and that as such might be illegal under the Assisted Transfer Scheme (Regulation) Act 1919.

Most of the people Untold Arsenal approached said that if they were forced to give up their season tickets they would sooner watch Leyton Orient. “I’d sooner watch Leyton Orient,” said one, who pushed past me in order to leave, ten minutes before the end of the game.

“I’d sooner see this game,” I replied, but by then he had moved on and disturbed the rest of the row, several of whom had been sleeping quite soundly and were annoyed to be woken before the match was over.

8 comments to Arsenal put 30,000 up for sale

  • james

    This game hurt. Given the context of coming off a week’s rest, of beating United with the same lineup, of playing at home, and of the youth team dismantling Wigan in such sparkling fashion that was perhaps the ugliest Arsenal game I have seen all season.

    First, and perhaps most painful, is the fact that the team played without any passion. From the kickoff they looked nervous, uncertain, and very early on made key mistakes that led to yellow cards. Denilson picked up a yellow in the 10th minute and Fabregas in the 18th, this essentially de-fanged Arsenal’s midfield, true, but is there anyone who watched the match who thought that at any point that Arsenal team might come out and try to put a physical stamp on the match? Try to bully the win from Villa? No. Because this team lacks true passion. They can get geed up for a game, but when push comes to shove, when Agbonlahor knocks one of our players off the ball, no one is there to push back. Losing a game happens, but losing a game and letting the other team push you around because you didn’t give your best, because you caved in and let them push you around? That’s not Arsenal football.

    Worse than that, though, is the fact that the Captain of the team is one of the people who can be pushed around. Gallas is more likely to have a hissy fit than to tackle a showboating Nani off the pitch like Flamini did last year. And that’s the second big problem; ok, so let’s all agree that Gallas isn’t captain material, who is? Cesc? ha! If he was captain material he would have shown it by now. In any organization if there is a leadership gap a natural leader will rise and fill that gap — unless there isn’t a natural leader. Who then, Adebayor? Nasri? Denilson? Diaby? Do I have to keep going? Each name is more comical than the next. Arsenal have no leader. Gallas is “leader” only because someone has to wear the captain’s armband.

    The third big problem is tactical. I don’t quite think Wenger has lost the plot but he seems to be jumping around from chapter to chapter looking for a story line. It’s pretty clear that Arsenal’s tactic of 70% possession and 9 men in the opponent’s end of the pitch has been found out. Further, it’s clear that this team have no clue as to how to defend corners and set pieces: well, at least Almunia has no clue. Against teams that play open, attacking football, Arsenal are clearly superior. Against teams that invite them to attack, like footballing rope-a-dope, it’s clear that Arsenal are not superior. I’m not sure any team could put 9 men in the opponent’s half, pass the ball around, and expect their defenders to handle the inevitable counter. Sol Campbell couldn’t do it, Senderos couldn’t do it, Toure couldn’t do it, Gallas can’t do it, show me the 6′3″ defender who can clear every set piece, has the pace to catch Agbonlahor and the strength to knock him off the ball at the right moment. I’m not going to pretend that I have even a shred of the tactical genius that Wenger has but I think Arsene Wenger is asking a whole lot of his defenders. The overlapping play is nice and all but Arsenal seem to be sacrificing everything to go forward.

    Which brings me to the last problem, the one that we didn’t see yesterday but the one that everyone talks about all the time — Wenger’s reluctance to buy someone. First off, it’s November 16th, in the EPL there are 7 games between now and January, so, unless Arsene buys a free agent (the best of which is Stephen Appiah) the season will be over before he can bring anyone in. Up until last week, I was of the mind that we should let Arsene do whatever he wants to do; Arsene Knows Best and all that. I even said, “well more than any other season this one is an up and down season.”

    But I’ve changed my mind — watching Man U, Chelsea, and Liverpool destroy their opposition week in and week out will do that to you. Chelsea have allowed a stingy 4 goals this season, their goal differential is an insane 28 while Arsenal have allowed a whopping 15 (10 of which were at home). Far from the idea that there has been a contraction in talent this season, rather, more than any other season Arsenal are the ones who look ordinary.

    For me, this plainness in the squad comes down to the one position: Fabregas’ water carrier. I have watched Denilson and he is not good enough — Barry showed the gulf in class in that position yesterday. I don’t care what Wenger says, Denilson cannot cope with the most crucial position on this Arsenal team. He’s a good kid and all, he means well, but he’s not able to do it. I have to wonder if Wenger doesn’t already know — all you have to do is look at the fact that Wenger is playing 5 men in the midfield at home games to see that he doesn’t think Denilson can do it.

    Put someone in there with Cesc who has fire in his belly, someone who will help control the tempo, someone strong, commanding, and someone who can provide some leadership and this is a very different Arsenal team. Basically, it would be the Arsenal team of last year minus the pointless dribbling of Hleb and plus the goalscoring of Nasri.

    So, if I was Wenger, I would sign someone like Appiah, now. Then, I might also change my game plan a bit and play a little less open. Have the defenders not get so far forward. Maybe ask the keeper to come and claim some balls off set pieces. Reign in the radical experiment just a little, because what they are doing right now, just isn’t working. Every team in the EPL has to look at what Hull, Fulham, Sunderland, Stoke, and now Aston Villa has done and be excited to play Arsenal — that has to be seen as love’s labour lost.

  • abbey

    Lets get 1 thing very clear. I’m a die-hard Arsenal fan and I take no pleasurer in watching us lose.

    Some of you need to understand that 25% of Arsenal fans have been saying this for some time. I am much as a Arsenal supporter as anybody. I want the team to be successful, But we see the light and are not acting like zombies and sheep like most of you who all just say “In Wenger We Trust” Even when its clear he is making loads of mistakes.

    we have the right to criticise just as much as certain fans have the right to keep faith, and whatever camp your in dont make you any less of a fan.

    Just because I have a different opinion to how I feel the club should be run does not give any of you the right to question my loyalty to the club I love.

    Just because you don’t have the balls or the courage to come out and say what your head is telling you what you know is true means you are not a better fan then me. If anything you are a weak fan and just go along with anything they do. You might as well not support the team if you dont feel angry when they lose or want to blame the manager or players.

    So lets be clear. We are all fighting for the same goal. We all want Arsenal to do well.

    You hope it will be in the future and you trust Wengers judgement.

    I know its all just a dream and until we start to spend we have not got a chance in hell.

    That’s the different in our fans, some see the light, others are living in a dream, But we are no better then the other. I respect some of you for sticking to your guns and standing by Wenger, But your loyalty to him has made you blind to the real world. Your loyalty should be like me with Arsenal FC.

    i can accept that some fans have more patientce than me or still believe in the Arsene, fair play to them, what i find totaly out of order though, is these fans in the in camp that think they can tell us to fck off and support the mancs, spuds or the chavs

    These fans who have told me that i am a glory hunter, must know that ive supported arsenal since the early eighties, i was born in 75,I supported them when we lost to York in the FA cup and will do till the day i die.I love them like my own familiy, if not more.

    When i criticize the arsenal, people think i only begun to support them once arsene took over, but thats just crap, i been around even through the horrible Don Howe days.

    the fans who dont say a bad thing about arsenal today need to wake up, open their eyes, if they have, then in my eyes they have no passion, and their own vision and goals for arsenal football club need to be questioned? Arsenal are a team that should be challanging on all fronts, we should at most be runners up in the premiership, at most be challanging for the champions league, but we always fall short, and well the f.a. cup which has been lucky for wenger is not so lucky no more.

    there is only one person to blame for results, yes players have a part to play, but its the guy who plays them, who trains them, who gives them game plans, and makes important tactical changes that is to blame, when will arsenal fans begin to realise this and begin to shift the blame away from ref’s and to the man who deserves the criticizim.

    But we all want the same thing in the end.

  • don't believe the hype

    I think the problem with the team is fear of losing after coming so close last season – so many people have been banging on and on about how much they need to win a trophy that they are no longer playing with the joy they used to. Even the manager is setting the team up with caution instead of just letting them play to their strengths we are setting ourselves up to counter the opposition, which is not something that we usually do. The fans are also doing the same thing – the anxiety of the crowd was coming off in waves on Saturday – even red action did nothing to galvanise the team. That is the difference with the CC team – they are playing without the handbrake as well as facing opposition who are actually trying to win the game, which allows them the space to play.

  • ATLen

    The remaining fans and Theo both had the right idea-
    Support Your Team.

  • deafmetal

    ‘Effing hilarious as usual Tony!!!

    Does humour belong in football? Why yes. Yes it does!

  • deafmetal

    Don’t Believe The Hype, and ATLen, I couldn’t agree with you both more.

    DBTH, I especially think anxiety is a bigger problem that doesn’t really get thought so much about, that’s why I appreciate the attitude of bloggers like Untold so much in these tricky days.

    Hah! Just realised that Don’t Believe The Hype has the same acronym as Dennis Bergkamp Thierry Henry! Nice one.

    At the end of the day, some of us know as certain as death, that we will still be supporting Arsenal in 20 years. Even if we’re in Division 2 at that point.

  • don't believe the hype

    deafmetal and ATLen, couldn’t agree more – something is just not working at the moment, but this is my team, so I’ll still back them all the way. The negativity and moaning from some fans is just so out of proportion when we know what this team can do when they get their act together. I’m sure the players pick up on all the negative vibes and it does not help them to play with freedom. It’s easy to support when things are going well, but support is most needed when things are not going so well.

  • Ian Trevett

    What is so hard about staying to the end of a game? Do these people leave cinemas early before seeing the conclusion of a film?
    Don’t they realise how bad it makes us look? It just plays into to the hands of our rivals who like to sing that our support is Sh*t. To be honest if you can’t be arsed to stay and support your team for the vital last five minutes, then you can’t really argue with their assessment.
    On the other hand I thought the reports of booing in the press were overplayed. The jeers were mainly aimed at Riley. And massive respect to Theo for staying on the pitch and applauding the true loyal fans at the end.