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October 2016
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Cech checked for anomalies, viruses, nuclear radiation and hidden microphones




So Vidal is going to sign for us I hear. Just after Copa America they’ll announce the signing. Any time. Oh! therz a setback there. Hah. Now therz not.

Also Higuain they say. And that guy from Southampton, Schnai (err…) Morgan. And our Suarez fetish never seems to end.

Apparently Cech was checked for anomalies and viruses and nuclear radiations and hidden microphones and spy cams, you see Jose is not, well do I need to say anything about him. He rides a little horse! Heartless @#$%&.

And Puma also had an issue with his cap, er mask, errr turban, whatever. Cechs medical went on for ever until Gazidis shouted “enough Shad”. Now that he signed for us, usual Wenger was instrumental in my signing, ambition, vision blah blah blah.

Poor Ooooooooossspina is on his way out. Thanks to a cheque. Wait a minute. Hows this transaction done. Cheque or cash?? Or do they use PayPal?? Anyway, Hez on his way out. And ARSENAL have raised his price after his heroics against Brazil. And hence the door slammed shut. Idiots, there was a man walking through the door. Dont be too surprised if you see Ospina with a mask. Or Sasasheshnie, all depends on the coin toss.

Ryo is gone. And Diaby (sad face smiley please). Hope he gets fit and into ARSENAL again. One last charge Abou.

Rambo is wanted by the Catalans. And they have watched him 10 times!!!. Apparently, we watch him every week, so by logic we want him more. Speaking of the Catalans….Oye, he has a welsh blood you DNA matching scumbags. But Rambo has signed an extension and so did Kathorrla. A quick re-read and this story is from 2014 (stupid twitter baits).

And citizens, no mention which, want our Jacky buoy who smokes shisha. I can’t get over this news. Shisha!!. Shisha means glass in Hindi. If Jack smokes glass, that makes him super human. Stan Lee should have a look at him not citizens. Oh my! Even his girlfriend smokes Shisha now!!

And the Spaniards want Kosc to boss the defence. Funny place that. They sack a manager who got them the champions league and then get a guy who leads his team to 5th position in the Italian league!!!. Progression made!!!.

Poor Vlad, no one mentions him. Vlad, we are glad that you signed for us lad. Another home-grown player to add to the squad in coming years. Hope he progresses well and as expected.

And speaking of progression, I hope to see Akpom, Zelalem, Hayden, Chambers, Bellerin, Crowley, Gnabry, Jack, Rambo, Gibbs, Ozil, Alexis, Giroud, Ox, Coq …..all progress into world beaters. Come on you Gunners. Can’t wait for season to start again. And to see the Untold Banner on TV. Anyone willing to place a bet???. I say TV guys will not show the banner. Anyone countering that??

Did I miss out someone? Yeah. Prince Poldi. He says, he shouldn’t have gone to Inter. Turks want him they say. Ask me Poldi. You shouldn’t go there either. Joel Campbell!. Ah, Some team is Spain wants him. One of them managed by Moyes.  Sanogo. No team in Spain wants him.

And then there is this Silva. Our own Silva. He’s got a work permit!!!.. Finally. We have our very own Brazilian. After, errr…. Gabriel ie. And then we are preparing a bid for PEA. That guy from Dortmund, who scored against us, remember. Stupid transfer window. Nothing has changed in years (other than players linked to us).

Gone are the days of Parkers and Mulumbus and Sambas. Sometimes, names like Berahi Noooooooooooo do creep up. But thats a rarity than the norm. Thanks to Ozil and Alexis.

All craps talks. So much that even meself whoz remotely interested in transfer talks managed to shit out half a page of it. You guessed it right, Watching Pirates of the Caribbean as I write this, multai tasking aye. No wonder the people appointed to do the job indulge in so much of a shit-fest. All they need is a change in scenery. Refreshes things inside the pot above their shoulders. So when my friend informed me of a trekking plan, I decided to go without a second thought.

The plan is to trek (2 days) to a few waterfalls in the mountains. People who are familiar with geography of India will know it as western ghats. This area receives about 30cms of rain a day in the peak monsoon season. This area ranks among the top 5 in India for avg rainfall received every year (among the wettest regions in India). And June-July, it rains elephants, mammoths and dinosaurs. Hope mammoths don’t fall on me and the dinosaurs don’t eat me, and the leeches don’t suck me dry. Should I be worried about the leeches??? more than the Gunnersaurus.

Anyway, back to ARSENAL. We have been offered Lucozade. ??!!.. But we already have Gatorade!! Sorry Sorry Lacazette it is. Generous gesture there, whoever is offering him to us.

Also we are keen on signing some Napoli defender. And Vidal has been signed for 21 million. Also Higuain. And that guy from Southampton, Schnai (err…) Morgan. And our Suarez fetish never seems to end. Apparently Cech was checked for anomalies and viruses and nuclear radiations wait. Wait. Am I going in circles!! Eerrrr….stupid transfers.


  • 30 June 1905: The Kentish Independent published a list of season ticket prices at Woolwich Arsenal – showing a price of £2 2s – about two thirds of the weekly wage of a skilled artisan.  At same time Woolwich Gazette revealed that Arsenal did not run the bars in the Manor Ground but leased them to others.

18 comments to Cech checked for anomalies, viruses, nuclear radiation and hidden microphones

  • esxste

    I realise that it’s silly season for the news websites, but does Untold really need to join in so wholeheartedly?

  • I always feel happy after each and every Arsenal signing but with this im just sad i don’t know why?? But Arsene knows just wondering what is going on in his mind. Oooooospina with the saves he had in Copa America and other fans trying to call their keepers like we do for oooooospina leaves me so sad,wish he stays but that’s for the Prof to decide but it will be a pity if he is Injured and then bring in a second goalkeeper who is fake,GOD forbid.

  • Pat

    esxste – hear, hear!

  • bjtgooner


    I usually agree with you on many Arsenal related subjects, however in this case I don’t.

    “esxste” is quite happy to criticize UA – why? – because this article illustrates the idiocy of the media/blog sphere. In that venture UA has my full support.

    So the double standard and jaundiced comment from esxste is no more than unhelpful.

  • Andy Mack

    Lots of leeches around Periyar when I was last there.
    Been twice for 8 days in total and still not seen a tiger!
    I’m not going back unless they guarantee one next time 😀

    On a slightly different note, I’m really pleased the Zlatan rumour seems to have disappeared. The last thing we need is a player that only makes an effort when he feels like it but he gets even worse if he’s dropped…..

  • nicky

    Can’t understand all this brouhaha about Arsenal signings, or not as the case might be.
    Apart from Cech, the Club will not issue details of newcomers before the Window opens on July 1st.
    This frenzy surrounding Vidal is all a waste of space.
    Watch some cricket as a nerve settler. 😉

  • Gord

    Figures. A Cech story is out, saying that he could have come here in 2002 (instead of Rennes), except for work permits.

  • para

    Seems like AW and Cech knew he would be coming to Arsenal sometime, they just did not know when.

    KampalaGun, i know what you mean, but it is done now, let’s hope we are wrong.

  • Pat

    I’ve enjoyed the interviews with Cech on He seems like a sensible, level headed man and a team player. Someone who will slot in quickly to the team and give his all. The fact that he might have come to Arsenal more than ten years ago if he could have got a work permit just adds a little bit of spice.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Have a great time , ARSENAL 13. Where exactly are you going ? Has the rains started yet ?
    I remember from my time there ,that we would look skywards every day to look for the rain clouds . The monsoons really brought respite to the heat and the humidity , not to mention water !
    There were many times when we had to collect water from wells nearby ,as the taps ran dry very often . And when the rains came , they never stopped for 2 months . I guess people in Manchester would be familiar with this !
    I now live in the town which has the highest rainfall in Malaysia ,and it is sheer bliss . Its always green and cool – except for now , as there has been no rains for a few weeks.
    It gets everyone irritable and crotchety . Just like this close season ! And some of ‘them’ are starting to worm their way back here .
    Me pitchfork is out and ready to turn them sods over !

  • ARSENAL 13

    Taps dont run dry these days Brickfields. Thanks to the check dams. And yes its raining hell here. Not as strong as it used to be though.

    Going to Honnavar (if you remember). Its about 200 kms north, Bombay highway.

  • ARSENAL 13

    Andy are you sure they promised tigers. Or was it tiger leech??

    There is a better chance of finding a tiger when driving through a thick forest (at night usually) than inside the tiger reserve.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ ARSENAL 13 – July 1, 2015 at 6:07 am – Glad to see that water problem solved,but 35 years ago it was quite bad . Crickets ( the bug , I mean !) were a seasonal problem then in Sarlabettu . Never seen so many and the terrible din !
    Have a great time.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Here’s a nice cartoon for the seniors , typifying then and now –

  • esxste


    I’m quite aware of what ARSENAL13’s article is about, and I agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly.

    However it follows hot on the heals of articles written by ‘Sir Hardly Anyone’.

    If this was a fruit tree, Sir Hardly anyone picked all the ripe juicy fruit, and left ARSENAL13 with the maggot infested, rotten stuff.

    Or, you know, you can just cast aspersions about me and my motives without actually considering the point I made.

  • bjtgooner

    Good morning “esxste”

    So – you agree with the article, you agree with the previous articles by “sir Hardly Anyone” – but, it is all too much for you!

    Butterfly or disingenuous?

  • esxste

    I can’t work out if you’re deliberately missing the point in order to get some sort of ‘kick’ out of attacking my character, or well… you’re just missing the point.

  • bjtgooner


    I have no interest in attacking your character, just in trying to make the double standards you have illustrated obvious to the one person who cannot accept such analysis – you!

    Although, I am sometimes amused when someone who has dug a hole keeps on digging rather than learning to climb! 🙂