By Sir Hardly Anyone, knight of the realm.
Let’s start with what must surely soon become a classic
Van Persie is being sold by United ‘without his knowledge’
That’s from the Independent and rates as the best headline so far in this transfer window.
Meanwhile facing such competition from the mainstream press the spoof sites have moved onto gloom and doom. Three days into the transfer window and already it is all a total disaster.
After a few days of invented comic strips about Arsenal signing this guy, that guy, and the guy who was with the other guy but always standing in his shadow, now the dominant story is summarised in this one headline…
Arsenal need to act fast is they really want to capture this target
But at least the comic book web sites can still be invented, as with this week’s new phrase: “Reportedly leaked.” “Reportedly” in this game means someone has said it but my knowledge of the situation is so vague I don’t even know who made that up. “Leaked” means someone has said it but it would be against my professional ethics to tell you who.” “Reportedly leaked” means “I haven’t got a clue either way”.
And with the transfer window now a whole three days old, that is just about where we have got to. All the big headline possible deals have been run through the gate, cantered down the straight, fallen at the first fence and been put out of their misery by the vet.
So now all we have left
Arsenal to ditch four players
David Ospina, Lukas Podolski, Joel Campbell are all expected to leave with Wojciech Szczesny also considering his future at the club.
Szczesny is a player about whom there always seems to be comment, usually negative, and so even though there is no real story anywhere we now get
Reserve goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny could follow [through the exit door] after Polish goalkeeping legend Jan Tomaszewski says Arsene Wenger failed to keep his promise to give the 25-year-old regular first-team action ahead of next year’s European championship.
Ah, the inside knowledge of what was actually said. Always good that, because you can’t ever check it, and no one is ever going to say, and even if they did, why believe them.
Striker Lukas Podolski is also expected to move to the Super Lig after he confirmed he is in talks with Galatasaray over a move to the Turkish side.
And Joel Campbell is a target for Real Sociedad in Spain.
But amidst all the negativity of failing deals, Arsenal failing to keep up with the market, and players leaving, there are still some web sites that like to cling to the old classic model of invented journalism…
After the Copa America in Chile Vidal was linked with many top clubs… with his agent is claiming Vidal could sign a contract at Emirates Stadium. But today Spanish reports revealed that Arturo Vidal is going to make a deal with Real Madrid and join them in the next month.
Notice that it is never anyone’s fault here – unless it is Arsenal for being “too slow”. “Spanish reports” announce the spoof blogs got it all wrong, but no one ever says, “oooops”. But hey, what’s this?
Arsenal in talks to get £30 million striker all signed up this summer!
Arsenal remain in contract talks with Theo Walcott, according to the Daily Star website.
The Gunners are ready to step up their transfer plans after announcing the £10m capture of Petr Cech from rivals Chelsea but securing Walcott’s future remains one of their top priorities. Emirates top brass are still discussing fresh terms with England international and a new four-year deal is reportedly close.
Top Brass – now there’s a phrase you don’t hear very often these days. But moving on…
But there is still some fun. The Deluded Brendan series of Tweets is worth catching if you haven’t ever seen it, not least because Rodgers does bring this sort of thing on himself with his rather strange sayings and even stranger doings.
Elsewhere all is not lost for the Independent has finally got itself moving – for not only have we had RVP being sold without himself knowing (Oh I do like that) but at last we are back to the airport.
Three days into the window it took. But we are now, at last, back to the airport spotters. The transfer window as we know and love it.
Of course if you are not au fait with such matters it is easy to get the wrong end of the stick.
St Peter? St Paul? St Anthony?
[Don’t try that mallarky with me Sir H. The salaries for next season have already been set – Tony]
According to the Telegraph, Man U are trying it on as we are told that the Opening bid for Morgan Schneiderlin falls well short of Southampton’s valuation of £25m for a player also courted by Arsenal and Spurs.
But speaking of the dreaded Telegraph, what of Jonathan Liew? Where is he, what is he doing, what great words has he written of late?
Well, not many actually. His last posting in the Telegraph was right back on 17 Jun 2015. And it was remarkably interesting.
He starts with “fan fiction” – and depicts is as an alternative universe in which Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson have for years been engaging in a kinky relationship in the boarding houses of Victorian London while Lukas Podolski is giving Miroslav Klose a really nice foot massage.
The article then makes a link between this sort of nonsense and the transfer window – describing it as a fantasy enacted largely in the imagination.
And then he makes what I think is rather a good point.
No matter how many players your club buys, it will still always need a couple more, a phenomenon known as The Redknapp Paradox.
Nice one. The Redknapp Paradox, thus showing that if use write enough and use enough words you are bound to say something interesting in the end. If that were his farewell to us all, it ended on a good note.
Anyway back in the real world everyone now knows that Mikel Arteta has signed a one year extension. But Just Arsenal really got a bit carried away with this…
According to a Metro report, the respected Spanish journalist Kike Marin broke the news on social media and I cannot see much reason for him to be making it up.
Can I run that by you again?
I cannot see much reason for him to be making it up.
Err…. well guys, that is what they do all day long. It was what J. Liew, making for once a reasonable point, was saying. They all make it up.
And if they don’t then they twist and turn, rather like this…
Arsenal close in on summer deal after agent confirms offer made
The agent of Bayern Munich defender and Arsenal target Dante admits he’s fielding offers this summer.
Arsenal close in on WORLD CLASS deal for £45 million rated Frenchman
Arsenal have been handed a boost in their bid to sign up real Madrid star Karim Benzema this summer, according to the Daily Star website.
The striker is wanted at Arsenal as Arsene Wenger continues to look for world class signings. And according to reports, Madrid are eyeing up Harry Kane and Edinson Cavani as possible replacements.
Notice that “Arsene Wenger continues to look for world class signings” – that endless suggestion that there is no plan, it is all just shuffling around the world trying to find someone, anyone.
It was ever thus.
Two transfers to remember from the Anniversary Files
3 July 2000: Robert Pires signed from Marseille for the astoundingly low figure of £6m. Also that summer Wiltord was purchased for £13m and Overmars went to Barca for £25m.
3 July 2001: Sol Campbell signed after 11 years with Tottenham. He had played 255 times for Tottenham, and stayed with Arsenal for five years before moving on to Portsmouth.