By Sir Hardly Anyone.
Well, my little ducklings, Well!
Have you ever wondered what all the little blogettas do outside the so-called transfer “window”. (OK I know it is not really “so-called” and there is no need to put “window” in “inverted commas” but it is the sort of the thing the blogettas do because the writers feel that this is how grown ups write so I thought I ought to put you in the mood for what follows.)
Well now me dearios (as Kenneth Williams used to say) I am going to tell you. There is no apology for being wrong 99.999999999999% of the time. Not a single word. Of course not. It is straight on to new business.
And you might be a little surprised at what they get up to.
Take the web site “Soccersouls” – not one I noticed during the heady days of August, so maybe it is a start-up, or maybe those souls were resting during the window and have now risen from the dead. These are important suppositions!
But look, what is this…
Breaking: Arsenal remove midfield superstar from their Champions League squad
Interesting thought – how could someone be removed from the squad that was set up a few days ago. The regulations don’t allow for that do they? And a superstar? Someone else injured perhaps? Special permission from Uefa?
Here is what the guardian of our souls says…
“17-year-old defensive superstar Krystian Bielik who has now been at the club for nearly six months was not included, which might have surprised quite a few. After being bought for a price of £2.7m from Legia Warsaw during the January transfer window, Bielik was not considered good enough to play in Europe.”
So not “removed” but “not included”. Slightly different. But still a worry. Problems in the training camp? Bielik (who along with some other members of the Untold gang I’ve watch play for the under 21s and he is in my view a mega-mega-top-drawer-super-duper whatnot) in bust up with Mr W????
“When the youngster was signed, the Frenchman had suggested that the Polish defensive midfielder would be involved with the first team this season though his chances have been quite slim,” continues the keeper of those at rest.
So what is this terrible story?
The Champions League list of players which Untold dutifully reported contains two types of players – A list and B list. The A list is the normal bunch of superstars you might expect. The B list is for under 21 year olds, and is unlimited in number. Except that the players on the B list have to have already spent at least two full continuous seasons at the club.
And Bielik hasn’t. And that’s it. It is all a made-up fantasy. Well! Fancy that! A blogetta making things up!
But moving on…
Revealed: Real Madrid set to snap up £45m midfielder from Arsenal!
Oh my it gets worse. We didn’t sign anyone which is a disaster (or so I am told, because seemingly prizes are not given out any more for winning stuff like the FA Cup but for signing players) and now we are going to lose the few men we do have. So what’s the deal?
“According to the reports in Spain, Real Madrid are keen to sign Marco Reus from Borussia Dortmund for the next summer.”
Errr? Not Arsenal then?
That is from EPL Scouts.
Breaking! Arsenal Star Unhappy With Manager Arsene Wenger, Might Leave In January
A chance to go back over the past and say it all again it turns out.
“Things are not looking too good for Arsenal at the moment, after the Gunners failed to secure a major signing to boost their attack upfront.” Oh my god oh my god oh my god, I didn’t know that, no one ever told me.
“However, now yet another star has expressed his unhappiness and this time it is French international Mathieu Debuchy.”
Leaving aside the fact that we don’t know who these “other” players are in the phrase “yet another” it seems Debuchy’s unhappiness is about in not being picked. But then no one is happy at not being picked.
That is from Soccersouls. Again. Getting quite a reputation is that site!
But how about this. The last window, in which all the blogettas got everything wrong all the time is hardly over and now we have
Stunning: Arsenal set to agree triple deal with PSG!
According to the reports in France, Arsenal will try to sign three PSG players for the next summer.
The gunners are reportedly keen to sign Adrien Rabiot, Edinson Cavani and Zlatan Ibrahimovic for accumulate £95m triple deal.
And why should we believe this? Oh, because EPL Scouts says so.
Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema has insisted that a summer move to Arsenal from the Spanish giants was never on the cards.
Oh my goodness. Who would have believed it? Well, anyone reading Untold I guess.
That is from Readarsenal.
But stop stop stop stop what’s this?
Real Madrid in bid to sign Arsenal star player, Florentino Perez reveals
Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has revealed the club missed out on signing Arsenal star Patrick Vieira back in the summer of 2004.
I kid you not, that is on “caught offside” today.
Now meanwhile you might expect a bit of contrition from the old buzzards at the Telegraph. After all they got every single prediction wrong in the summer about Arsenal transfers – every single one. But do they apologise? No, they don’t even have the good grace to laugh at themselves, shoot themselves in both feet and jump into the Serpentine. No they do not. Instead they run
‘Arsenal to bid for Cavani in January’
And if that were not enough we have
‘Arsenal plan Zaza bid in January’
Wenger is considering £22m move for Juve forward in next transfer window
- 7 September 1991: Arsenal 1 Coventry 2. Lee Dixon from ten yards out from his own goal near the touch line, punted the ball back to Seaman but it went beyond his grasping hand. It caused Arsenal’s first home defeat in a year and a half.
- 7 September 1996: Final match of Stewart Houston’s reign as temporary manager; 2-2 draw with Aston Villa. He had managed six games while waiting for Arsène Wenger to arrived, but won just two of them.