By Tony Attwood
It’s been a bad season for the media – and the aaa, their hopeless allies on the phone ins and blogettas. Arsenal are useless, Wenger is useless, we should have signed 20 more players, including that one who wanted to come from Real Madrid and didn’t actually score more goals that Giroud, and it’s all rubbish, and I’ve thrown my season ticket away. That’s been the message throughout.
And yet, and yet,
|1||No human rights City||11||8||1||2||26||9||17||25|
|3||We beat them 2-5 City||11||6||4||1||23||19||4||22|
|4||We beat them 3-0 United||11||6||3||2||15||8||7||21|
|5||State Aid Utd||11||6||2||3||22||15||7||20|
|6||The Tiny Totts||10||4||5||1||16||8||8||17|
|7||Liverpool are history||11||4||5||2||12||12||0||17|
|11||West Bromwich Albion||11||4||2||5||10||14||-4||14|
|19||Fat Sam & Co.||10||1||3||6||11||19||-8||6|
|20||An ex-Tot as manager||10||1||1||8||9||17||-8||4|
That ain’t too bad in my opinion. And just look how the season has panned out.
2 August 2015: Arsenal 1 Chelsea 0 (Community Shield)
The build up in the zombie presss was that Arsenal can’t beat Chelsea, and this was going to another Chelsea walk through. The Express said afterwards in its headline, “Wenger beats Mourinho curse to lift Community In the great scheme of things, a win in the Community Shield game at Wembley does not mean very much…”
So that told us then.
9 August 2015: Arsenal 0 WHU 2
After winning the Charity Shield the media were back to Arsenal needing to sign someone. The new goalkeeper was not all right after all, but outfield players were an absolute must. So the Telegraph wrote, “The Gunners’ high-profile new goalkeeper was at fault twice.”
16 Augus 2015: Crystal Palace 1 Arsenal 2
Maybe a win away to Palace showed things were not so bad but there had to be negatives. Palace were hardly a top team and besides, “Francis Coquelin escapes red as Damian Delaney own goal proves enough.” An own goal and a lucky escape then. Still useless. But still time to buy a striker.
24 August 2015: Arsenal 0 Liverpool 0
This one was Liverpool all the way. They had spent good money (Arsenal hadn’t) and were really going to make it this year. “Liverpool maintained their unbeaten start to the Premier League season as they played out a thrilling goalless draw with Arsenal at Emirates.” No thought of Liverpool ditching their manager then.
29 August 2015: Newcastle 0 Arsenal 1
The BBC’s report summed up the media’s view that Arsenal were still unconvincing. “An own goal from defender Fabricio Coloccini gives Arsenal an unconvincing victory over 10-man Newcastle.” We absolutely had to buy a centre forward – any centre forward would be better than what we have got, was the general view. Wenger was a stubborn idiot who refuses to buy, was the sub heading.
12 September: Arsenal 2 Stoke 0
Arsenal won but it sure weren’t that good. “Arsenal created numerous chances to double their lead, but sloppy finishing kept Stoke’s chances alive until Giroud made it 2-0 with five minutes to go,” according to PremierLeague.com
16 September 2015: Dinamo Zagreb 2 Arsenal 1
“OLIVIER GIROUD’S shocking September hit a new low last night in Croatia as Arsenal lost 2-1 to Dinamo Zagreb,” pronounced the Express. Arsenal unconvincing, and the “only team in Europe not to buy outfield players” story was starting to take hold. Untold got ready to publish its tables showing there is no link between expenditure on players and league position. Overall, “This is what you get when you are the only club who won’t buy outfield players like everyone else,” was the theme.
19 September 2015: Chelsea 2 Arsenal 0
Chelsea on the march, Arsenal doomed, came the chorus. This is the season we will finish mid-table pronounced more than one blogetta, just as it had last season. “Arsène Wenger’s week goes from bad to worse as Gabriel Paulista and Santi Cazorla are sent off.
We helped the petition reach over 100,000 to have the ref expunged from Arsenal games, and grudgingly the press admitted that maybe Gabriel should not have been sent off, but still this was going to be Chelsea’s season after all.
23 September 2015: Tottenham 1 Arsenal 2
A Tottenham win was predicted by all. They were going to overtake Arsenal this season, because ARSENAL HAD FAILED TO BUY ANYONE.
“Mathieu Flamini double saves Calum Chambers’ blushes as Gunners win derby,” pronounced the Daily Mirror
26 September 2015: Leicester 2 Arsenal 5.
A fair amount of silence regarding L’Affaires Arsenal followed this glorious fun win which will long be remembered by everyone who was there. “Alexis Sanchez’s hat-trick saw Arsenal close the gap at the top of the Premier League after they came from behind at Leicester,” was just about the height of enthusiasm in the zombie press. That from the Standard.
29 September 2015: Arsenal 2 Olympiakos 3
Wenger was at fault for picking Ospina, and the fact that Ospina was considered one of the top keepers in Europe showed just how stupid the Europeans are seemed to be the general opinion. “David Ospina endures an evening to forget as Arsenal get into another fine mess in Europe,” said the Telegraph
4 October 2015: Arsenal 3 Man U 0
A supreme embarrassment for the zombies and their little followers in the blogettas. “For precisely six months Alexis Sanchez has not been able to score at the Emirates and for the best part of five days Arsene Wenger has not been able to pick a football team,” was the Express’ best effort on this superb performance. (I know its bizarre but it is on the internet so you can check I am not making this up.)
17 October 2015: Watford 0 Arsenal 3
Even the most rabid writer was struggling to knock Arsenal at this moment, although there were many references back to Champions League games.
“What a a (sic) glorious, peculiar evening of mixed messages from Arsenal, a team that seem to continually bounce between beautiful actions and moments of self sabotage. They will be quite an operation if they get that split personality under control.
“This was another of those days where, irrespective of the final numbers, Arsene Wenger’s side simply could not decide if they were fantastically gifted or plain daft.” The Daily Mail
20 October 2015: Arsenal 2 Bayern Munich 0
Some of the zombies now decided to give up. “SAY what you like about Arsene Wenger – and many have – but when he pulls a stroke like this one you wonder if it is going to be his season.” Daily Express
24 October 2015: Arsenal 2 Everton 1
And the bemusement and uncertainty was still there in the following game. “Two goals in two first-half minutes from Olivier Giroud and Laurent Koscielny keep good run intact,” was about the best the Telegraph could muster.
27 October 2015: Sheffield W 3 Arsenal 0
But this was more like it and the zombies marched on the Emirates. “OF ALL the indignities heaped on Arsene Wenger’s head during his 19-year reign, this was one of the most humiliating.” The Express.
And the blogs went beserk too. Wenger needed to buy better. The training processes were awful. It was Wenger’s fault. Now we are sunk, because we don’t have any strikers. Giroud is rubbish we should have bought, bought, bought all the way through the summer. I told you this would happen… We might as well give up because we are going to slide down the league because WE DON’T HAVE ANY STRIKERS
31 October 2015: Swansea City 0 Arsenal 3
- November 1912 (exact day unknown). Henry Norris takes decision to move Arsenal to Highbury.
- 1 November 2003: Leeds 1 Arsenal 4. The 11th league match of the Unbeaten season. Henry got two, Pires one and Gilberto Silva finished it off on 50 minutes.
- The Untold Arsenal Banner is now on permanent display inside the Emirates Stadium
- A Memorial to the founders of Arsenal’s Highbury dynasty.
And we’re on Twitter @UntoldArsenal. Please follow us on Facebook