by Brickfields Gunners
As Walter goes through his 12 part ‘ Looking back at 2015 ‘ series over the next few days (he’s at present on – part 3. Özil, Alexis, Bellerin, Coquelin,) [actually Brickfields – it was just a three part piece – do try and pay attention – the editor], I on the other hand am going to look forward to 2016 . The first of which is regarding the newest addition that the fans will love .
What most of the media have not caught up on their radar was the breaking news that a new item to commemorate another Arsenal legend was ‘ unveiled ‘ outside the Emirates beside the other statues, at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day 2016 , and the Arsenal fans attending the Newcastle game got a real treat .
This faux pas could be of course be excused as most of the press were down at the pub drowning their sorrows at the abject failure in getting it all wrong last year . That they always get it wrong every year for the last 20 years has not quite hit them yet. Walter will be gloating, …sorry highlighting it in part 8 of his series.
This secretive unveiling was a well planned event by the Arsenal board ,and was witnessed by a selected group , that included certain members of the club , members of the Invincible team of 2004 and some hardcore AKBs from Untold Arsenal . Why ? Well this new addition is not a statue at all ! Confused ? Good ! Let us say that this work can only be seen and appreciated by those of unshakable faith and pure of heart .
This project is the handiwork of die hard Arsenal fan , avowed AKB and deceptionalconceptional artist , Stephen Miller ,whose dream it was to have his work exhibited outside the stadium . He is the very same guy who almost had his innards exhibited outside his body by irate Spuds fans , whom he was heckling with chicken sounds and truly bad chicken crossing the road jokes . He took up art while lying in his hospital bed and staring at the stains on the ceiling, as well as the clouds outside his window and was so inspired that hasn’t looked back since .
His first sale was a white canvas with three black spots, titled, ” Snoopy in winter ” , his second was the same ‘work’ but titled , ‘ Polar bear at Gord’s window ‘. This almost led to charges of fraud , when critics asked why there were no other black marks to at least show the bear’s paw marks , as it stood up to support itself . They critics were soon pacified , when Gord himself came to the artist’s defence and explained that he often left white mittens outside for the bears to use when it got too cold . And also that he never ever defrosted the window panes.
This work is a bold and new inter reactive concept in blending together the latest innovations in divisive quantum magnetics; super – micro – nano robotics technology; the compressive ionisation of very fine crystalline Krypton isotopes, and the newest developments in computer animatronics (presently used in gaming, film and Facebook photoshoping), along with the ingenious conceptual ideas and inventions of Nikola Tesla , who during his time was considered a bona fide madcap scientist . Check out his work here
What the Arsenal faithful will clearly see is the hologramic moving image of the legend , while the pure of heart you may even get to press his flesh (Just don’t get any stupid ideas to post on Youtube and such!) Just imagine him appearing and disappearing before you like the aliens in the Predator movies. You will be able to inter-react with him verbally and he will answer any questions that you may of him. Be it his recollection of certain games, of his opinions of players and managers past. All this from a stored cache of his previous recordings of interviews , press conferences and postings .
Please don’t try to screw up his circuits by asking silly questions like , “Will AW spend some fucking money this transfer window?” or “Will Spurs or Liverpool win this year’s EPL or ever win it at all?” To those non-believers, they will not see nor ‘feel’ him. And those who appear to misbehave around him , Steven Miller has programmed some funny gags /antics to be done by said legend that will be taped and replayed at the halftime break and the culprits ‘ reaction will also be shown.
So all of you must be dying to know who the new legend outside the stadium is. Well for receiving this scoop first, I am bound by a confidential agreement, so I can only give you some clues. The first clue is that he stands/guards/patrols the area behind Henry and Bergkamp, but ‘sits’ front of Adams . The second clue is that in that position he stands both figuratively and laterally like an invisible wall ! Do pay your respects IF you see him!
Stephen Miller will also be in attendance to answer your questions about his creation as well as trying to peddle his monotonic, uni-coloured canvases broken only with a few token dots as serious works of art . He may try to con you by saying that he is practising the very minimalistic usage of the techniques of chromoluminarism and pointillism , which was the forte of George Seurat
And for God’s sake, never ever ‘get him ‘going’ by saying ‘chicken’ or ‘Spud !’
NB -I have strived as far as possible to be a factual, but sometimes those imps that have infested me, go all nuts on me and take over all my mental faculties. As a precaution please don’t quote me (them !) to others, as it may sound foolish coming from you! My friends gave up on a long time ago, thank you very much !
The Brickfields Gunners .
- 3 January 1934: Despite feeling unwell Herbert Chapman went to watch Arsenal A team. Mr Chapman was warned to take it easy, but he refused, and tragically died from pneumonia on January 6, aged 55.
- 3 January 1951: Having rejected by Wolverhampton Dennis Evans was signed by Arsenal for £1500. He subsequently played over 200 games for Arsenal – his only the club.
The insult of the day is “You sir, are an ass-head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull”. (Twelfth Night).