By Sir Hardly Anyone
For the past year or two the media has filled up blank spots on its web sites with a range of articles that began with “Three things we learned this week”, and then not to be outdone by a rival became “Five things we learned this week” which soon mutated into “Seven things”.
Mostly there are not things learned but rather random ways of filling up the page. But of course we must take note of our august colleagues in the mass (but now rather less massive than before) media. So this is what they have got up to (and if you get the reference to nine and a half weeks in the headline, you’ll know that such things never end well. If not you can look it up).
1: With nothing else to say on Arsenal we’re back to the alleged wage demands of Alexis and Ozil – and this works as long as no one notices that no agent ever releases wage demands for fear the Revenue and Customs in the UK will present a tax bill equal to those demands. Everyone’s got this story.
2: A few more people than before see refereeing as a story to follow as with the Telegraph’s headline Jose Mourinho accuses referee Michael Oliver of costing Man Utd in four matches – but is this correct?
3: The Indy is still short of proof readers as per its headline Carragher furiously after Redknapp interrupts his Liverpool analysis
4: The unsurprising can still be news…West Ham freeze season ticket prices for second successive year
5: Evangelos Marinakis, the infamous match fixing owner of Olympiakos, is holding secret talks with Nottingham Forest to join forces with Fawaz al-Hasawi to bring his own kind of leadership and winning mentality to a club near to relegation towards League One. That observation (although without the match fixing bit) comes from the Guardian.
6: Blatter is not news any more except in the Mail who go with Disgraced former FIFA president Blatter branded ‘reckless’ as CAS release written reasons for his suspension
The story reads that “The Court of Arbitration for Sport branded former FIFA president Sepp Blatter ‘reckless’ for paying £1.3million to Michel Platini. Blatter failed in his appeal to CAS to overturn his suspension in August.”
7: Staying with the Daily Mail, it seems not everyone likes Mourinho these days. Their headline on the story reads: “The Manchester United boss is a master of the dark arts.”
8: But to be fair to the neo-fascists they are paying attention to football in a way that most newspapers are finding it tough to do. As with Jenkinson the saviour for Arsenal U23s as he scores late equaliser in six-goal thriller against Manchester City
9: And they know their discipline too as they tell us that the Football Association are “considering enlisting the advice of a cultural expert to determine if abuse from rival fans during Tottenham’s FA Cup match against Millwall is deemed racist before deciding whether to charge both clubs.”
The problem seems to be that Millwall’s travelling support chanted ‘DVD’ and ‘He’s selling three for a fiver’, and this may or may not be considered anti-Asian abuse, when directed at Son Heung-Min.
Interestingly the Mail also tells us that “Millwall and Tottenham fans are kept away from each other by police and stewards” which is quite a remarkable innovation; never heard of that before.
But back to the main thrust of the piece.
9.5 The Tiny Totts are also facing potential action after it emerged their supporters chanted ‘no noise from the pikey boys’ which could be deemed an offensive reference to travellers (if that is the correct word, and my apologies if not. We don’t see this community very often in Rutland so I can’t ask.
The FA have, according to the Mail, consulted two experts before deciding to charge Nicolas Anelka for the anti-Semitic ‘quenelle’ gesture he made celebrating a goal that earned him a five-match ban and fine in 2014. The striker argued the gesture was anti-system not anti-Semitic. Now more experts will decide what can and can’t be shouted.
Which is interesting given that at the Lincoln game we had a load of seven year olds calling the Lincoln fans “f****** c****”
Anyway the Mail also tells us that “the FA also gained the opinion of two experts on South American linguistics and culture in the 2011 disciplinary case involving Luis Suarez who was accused of racially abusing Patrice Evra and received an eight match ban and fine.
A Millwall spokesman said: ‘Millwall have led the way on anti-discrimination initiatives and will continue to do so. The club is assisting the FA with their investigation and will make no further comment until that process is complete.’
And although that ends the nine and a half I have a few more from the Daily Excess which likes things in bold so I have left them as they publish them.
9.6 Premier League stats: Most tormented stars this season revealed
9.7 Monaco v Man City Exclusive: Richard Dunne expecting another Champions League thriller
IT WILL be a short, leisurely walk from his home to the Stade Louis II Stadium tomorrow night
9.8 These Premier League giants all rely on one star: Spurs have shown the cost – Ian Wright
IAN WRIGHT has warned Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal the cost of relying to heavily on.. Well on things.
And that’s more of less it from the press box today. Do say things that won’t get you into trouble like “f****** c****” but don’t say things that might do once the cultural experts have had their say.
OH, AND do put the first word or two of a sentence in capitals. It gives a certain sense of English earthiness.