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Snooping Around Nude Cuban Football Hotties On The Beach

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Snooping Around Nude Cuban Football Hotties On The Beach

By Sammy The Snake

You simply had to click on this one, didn’t you?! The title just jumped out of the page, and you couldn’t resist, right? In fact, I was only referring to fat old men lighting up Cuban cigars and watching football on the beach, but your mind led you to other places…

Sex sells. Controversy sells. Saying the most outrageous opinion attracts attention. The blog with the most outlandish article gets the clicks, and then the blogger gets to brag about the number of visitors (no pun intended, Tony!). Newspapers have found how Joe Public’s brain is attracted to filth, and they feed it (just take a look at The Sun, News Of The World, and the rest of them).

Gone are the days when the average football fan had a few buddies to dish out his opinions to. Now everybody’s a blogger. Everyone talks on a universal platform, and we all think we know it all. The most courageous have established their own opinion shop (read blog) on the internet, the less savvy find their way to express an opinion here and there once in a while, posting comments like a pro. Everyone’s a writer these days… look at me!

Then there are the Dirty Pricks, those who are in need of attention. Their mothers didn’t love them enough, their wives are cheating on them, or they were just born with an inferiority complex. They visit different blogs just to say anything against the general opinion. They may come to Untold and rant against Wenger, then go to any AAA blog to support him, and they sometimes go to technology blogs and say something negative about Apple’s latest gizmo. They just want attention!

Newspapers, columnists, TV commentators, bloggers, and now the comment-writing public have learnt the tricks of trade from rappers. A rap song won’t sell unless the words “ho” and “kill” are repeated a zillion times in the lyrics (if they have much lyrics to begin with).

So we lost to ManIOU a couple of nights back. We all feel pretty sh!t, let’s be honest. Instead of just b!tching about it to our wives, kids and buddies, we all come to the keyboard and say “I told you so…”. Yes, we are all football professionals who know the game better than the entire coaching team at Arsenal. We are also psychic, because sitting on our couches at home, we all know which player is most prepared (physically, tactically and mentally) to start. Wow! We are good, no, let’s not be humble. We are all GREAT! The problem is, we all have different ideas of how it could have been different and we are all very confident that our plan would have worked. How very convenient!

I’ll be the first to admit, we played less than ourselves. But we did lose by a small margin, one freaky header (OK, it’s now a trend of conceding too many freaky goals), and we lost 3 points. We are still 2nd, aren’t we? But the blogosphere goes in to a crazy frenzy. I’m amazed at some of headlines/comments, and can’t believe how shameless some people can be. Let’s review some of the headlines over the past day and a half on the subject of Arsenal’s loss to ManU:

“It’s Showtime” said Arsenal Insider before the game. “We need to win tonight” is a headline from Arsenal Football-Talk. I don’t know how you watched your game, but my TV commentator said “It doesn’t get bigger than this” even though I remember the same prick saying the same thing during a Liverpool-ManU game not long ago. The strategy is to hype the game… Build them up so you can knock them down!

Post game, the strategy suddenly changes to “doom and gloom” with a heavy residue of “I told you so”… Yes, you’re super smart! You know it all, just because you have a loud mouth and an even louder opinion.

“Arsenal Miss Chance To Stay Top” says Arsenal Insider, as if we have a God given right to stay top and the players did all they could to screw it up!

Le Grove states “Arsene Wenger proves he’s not the man for the Arsenal job… again”. The blogger goes on and on about how Arsene is no longer capable of doing a proper job, as if it’s the first time he’s thought of the idea. He seems especially angry about Arsene not explaining enough about the loss during his post match interview (like any manager can spill his guts out to the general public whenever he feels like it). Thanks for sharing your sh!t, please enlighten us with your choice for a new manager who will guarantee us success on every level, every game, and oh, by the way, every season! Please!

The Goon Blog claims “Arsenal fail again, Clichy fails again, but don’t give up”. Thanks for the support mate! I’m sure the players will feel so much better now, and your comments will help the team win the next game. We can always count on guys like you to help the team in times of need!

“After All The Talk, Gunners Don’t Show Any “WALK””, says Football Fan Talk. I thought Evra did all the talking, our players never said much (which goes to show our level of confidence, but don’t get me started on that one!). Another article on this waste of internet bites is “Change Yourself Arsene, Or We Shall All Suffer”, thanks for the advice dude, I’m sure Arsene will share the thought with his shrink on his next visit.

Arsenal Mania’s headline reads “Big talkers made to look quiet in another big game failure”. Wow! Are you writing for Arsenal fans, or are you pleasing the ManU guys? How do you call yourself a supporter?

I could go on and on, I could tell you about newspaper articles full of loathing and self praise, but I’ll spare you the headache. I just can’t resist telling you about The Beautiful Groan’s headline reading “Another timid performance against title rivals proves costly”. How do you know man?! Did you see the standings at the end of May in your crystal ball? C’mon mate, tell us, we promise not to tell.

I don’t know about you humans, but us animals in the jungle, we have one king. We have all accepted the lion as our leader, and we don’t b!tch about it whenever things don’t go our way. I’ve never seen a rabbit blogging about “Lion’s time is up” when our dear leader fails to bring dinner home. I thought you humans would know better, unity is an integral part of success. But it’s not the only one. Success has so many ingredients, and very few can get the mix of ingredients right.

The only parts of success fans can provide to the mix are support and unity. Standing together for Arsenal. Can we handle that?

What do you know, we beat Stoke on Saturday and Chelsea beat ManU, and we’re back on top again! Right?

Keep it real, my fellow Gooners,

Sammy The Snake

Making the Arsenal – third edition is published on Friday

Arsenal History – the guide

31 comments to Snooping Around Nude Cuban Football Hotties On The Beach

  • Rhys Jaggar

    ‘Then there are the Dirty Pricks, those who are in need of attention. Their mothers didn’t love them enough, their wives are cheating on them, or they were just born with an inferiority complex. They visit different blogs just to say anything against the general opinion.’

    I’m sure you’ll tell all major TV anchors that they’re Dirty Pricks when they ‘say anything against the general opinion’. Jeremy Paxman, Gavin Esler, Kirsty, John Humphrys, check your partners out, they’re screwing another person!!!!

    Challenging assumptions is the stock in trade of all peace negotiators. Dirty Pricks all.

    Mr Murdoch’s against Labour when it suits, against the Tories when it suits him: so he’s a Dirty Prick too, isn’t he?

    Every politician who wants to win power has to engage with those who are not naturally their supporters and a shocking digression is sometimes a way to plant seeds in those folks’ brains. As they weren’t going to vote for you anyway, what does it matter if 50% of them don’t respond. It’s a no-brainer.

    If you have two sets of folks who apparently both support Arsenal but are at each others throats, you either say: ‘fight to the death’ or try and bring them together. You won’t do that by agreeing with both sets. You’ll do so, if you do it, by building sufficient relationships to start influencing both sets. You won’t do that by starting out by saying ‘Mr Attwood’s right and you’re wrong’ or the other way around, will you?

    There is a useful parable in life which says ‘a prophet is not without honour save in his own land………’

    Think about it as you reflect on whether all opinions expressed in here stand up to the body of evidence……….

  • walter

    ooch, you got me Sammy The Snake. 😉

  • lego

    Snoop can you please tell me what ‘best footballing team’ means? Nasri, Arshavin, RVP and Fabregas are all fantastic talents, as are the promising Wilshere and Ramsey, but I cannot see how a team featuring the likes of Walcott, Chamakh, and Rosicky deserves such an illustrious title.

    In reality, the Arse are very good passing side with very athletic players; they tend to have a lot of possession because the majority of sides are content to let them as they know it won’t hurt them a lot of the time – it is perhaps best summed up by Big Ron who referred to passing for the sake of passing as ‘arcade football’ – whereas the better sides, such as Chavski and Manyoo, are more clinical and able to punish them when their chances arise (it is not back luck that Arse are 0-11).

    For the last five years or so, the phrase appears to have been reserved for Arsenal despite the fact the last thing they won was the FA Cup in 2005 when they parked the bus, were horribly outplayed by United and scraped home on penalties – is it time to drop it? It has become very boring, boring.

  • Mike_greece

    Now that you have commented on every one of these blog titles with completely unnecesary (and ridiculous in my opinion) comments, tell me this dear Sammy: Do YOU consider yourself an Arsenal fan and do you have any idea about football? Maybe all these people are not Arsenal fans, they are United or Chelsea’s guys undercover. What about you then? Are YOU an Arsenal fan? Well, in my opinion Arsenal’s biggest problem is not Arsene and his incompetence or the not good enough players. It is “fans” like you. I hope one day you understand it, though I doubt it.
    As for the pressure, you should learn that footballers playing in an Arsenal (or United or Chelsea or Barca etc) shirt HAVE TO LEARN TO PLAY UNDER PRESSURE. One of Arsenal’s problems is that there is not enough pressure on the players. They know that they can play bad but they will never lose their place in the team. This is unacceptable. Every time they play, they have to feel that if they are not good enough, they may be on their way to Sheffield on loan. If they can’t cope with that, they don’t deserve to be in Arsenal shirt. Especially, when they haven’t brought home a major trophy since 5 (that is five) years.

  • walter

    And what if we win something this year? Will the sun then always shine? Will we suddenly be good enough? Or will we still be rubbish?

  • lego

    @Walter- if we win the beer cup I will consider it as a fortunate achievement.

  • Bob

    Le Grove is so toxically anti-Arsene that it twice refused to publish my response that its french-hating co-author (not Pedro) of a literally frothing diatribe against Arsene should “try analysis in all of its meanings” (rather than spill all over their blog). My first response was “monitored” and went unpublished. I tried a second somewhat toned-down response which said that the anti-French stuff was as disgraceful as Arsenal’s bad loss that match. Even this was “monitored” and went unpublished. As many here and you know, everything about that website must be read through this lens and, truth be told, should not be read at all. There is a lot of room for serious criticism and counter-criticism; but the permission that blog gives its inmates to bash Arsene, their whipping boy stand-in for all things French, really poisons the atmosphere and ruins what is great about football – which is not to compensate the bloggers for their otherwise empty lives. I know this isn’t news to Untold, but I’d like this truth to be Re-told. Keep up your enlightened passion. Go Les Gunners!

  • jayj

    In truth the team didn’t play that well neither did Utd however there seems to be a problem for Arsenal when playing the likes of utd, Chelsea and other big European clubs. As a fan I dont feel confident that Arsenal will win, 5 yrs is long enough to judge a team and it looks like a top 3 finish and out of CL in the next stage because Real Madrid is coming to town.

  • gandiv

    @Lego – grow up please. I am not disagreeing with your comments. But the problem with Arsenal is the teams that they are playing are scared stiff of Arsenal, that includes Man Utd, they sticking five men across the midfield is not the really their way.United were determined not to lose and a lucky goal they got and they seemed quite content to keep it that way. True we did not play well, but there again Utd were not that great.
    We had this problem against Chelsea, you remember they went one up,went on the defensive, got a free kick then it was all over. Chelsea like Utd know let Arsenal have too much of the ball they will destroy you.
    The game on Monday night was poor, that disappointed me if it was a great game and we had lost and we gave it our best shot fair enough at least we tried.I know they have trown games away, especially against Spurs. But lets not be down too much, there is a long way to go.
    I’ repeat it again teams who play against us are scared of us, because of the football we play.

  • jayj

    Simply put a player that summs up the Arsenal – Walcott.

    He looks good.
    He’s a talent.
    he is young and fast.

    But

    When it comes to the crunch he just isn’t good enough and its the same with the Arsenal.

  • Dark Prince

    We have another chance at Chelsea in couple of weeks. Hopefully i dont have to repeat the words i said b4- I told u so…

  • Rokabox

    It has nothing to do with being True Arsenal Supporter or not
    although it should hurt like hell if you really are when you loose once, let alone loosing from the likes of Manu, Spuds and Chelscki all the time!

    You should at least acknolowdge that the Lord has got his tactics and substitutions wrong, and not for the first time.
    Instead of giving a blind eye on whatever he does, just because
    of his achievement for Arsenal. Personally I don’t care about trophies as long as the players put a good shift weeks in and weeks out, consistencey will bring smile to all even if you miss
    on them trophies.
    supporters have the right to cheer on the manager when he does
    good, as well as to criticise him when consistantly gets it
    wrong tactically. and yes I said it he seems to get his tactics wrong quite often lately. He is Le Professor but he is also human, and human sometimes panic..!

  • Justus

    Most spot on and first rate article Mr Snake and a great way to expose those so called ‘Arsenal Blogs’ many of whom come out with utter drivel. Write on baby

  • Rokabox – I will tell you why I don’t agree with you. Prior to the Man U match we were top of the league, in the knock out of the Euros and in the semis of the little cup, with a squad that has more depth than I have ever seen in an AFC squad. I don’t have my facts and figures with me, but I seem to recall we have scored only a couple of goals less than the top scoring team, and have let in a couple more than than the team that is now top.

    And on top of all that I enjoy watching this attacking team.

    All told I think that is good. To criticise the manager who has done that seems silly – because there is every chance that every other manager who might come along could not do as well.

    I call our current position success achieved in a world in which our biggest rivals have all had access to far more money than us. And financially I call it a success because we are self-sufficient, and clear for the future, until our three main rivals who all have financial problems – either in terms of meeting Uefa criteria, or in terms of staying afloat at all.

    It is success for me and I am not hiding from that. That is what this site is here to celebrate.

  • lego

    OliverKayTimes Oliver Kay Wenger asked why Arsenal rarely win big games: “You’re a football specialist. I leave that analysis to you because you know everything”

    That answer would have been okay if it were in relation to most of the rubbish the press ask and print, but the question was an absolutely valid one that Arsenal fans especially want to know the answer to (although I suspect most of us know). Wenger’s response makes him look both churlish and foolish and diminishes his reputation even more.

    Personnaly I think all the Jibes are getting to him , Mourinho , Evra most recently and the cast of thousands in the media .

    Reckon he knows that this was his best chance in years in turning the Mancs over and he got it horribly wrong and blew it . How was he going to Answer it really because there is no way of giving an honest damage limitation answer to that question .

    Alternatively …

    ” The State and condition of all the top teams pitches leaves a lot to be desired”

  • lego

    @Tony it still doesnt answer the simple question – Wenger cannot and will not be able to beat the big sides whether we play at HOME or away. This is a illusion

  • Tahsein the lion

    fantastic article.i am ashamed to say that i was tempted enough that i clicked on this post while drooling.hahaha.little pervert.

    this article summed up my whole thought.perfect.nice work sammy the snake.you’ll get your reward.don’t listen to people like leco.when we will,by the will of god,win a cup,he will tell that how he always believed in us against all the odds.btw,i just asked the rabbit if he ever blogged against me.he said no.but i will look into the matter.

  • tahsein

    anyone who is coming here just to provoke a debate and spread vitriol,fuck off with all your knowledge.i will always trust a man who kept us 49 games unbeaten rather than all you fucking keyboard managers.

    the whole media,refs everyone is against us.but,we’ll come again.the history of arsenal tells us that.

  • DFO

    The team may have great depth but I think the chemistry is frequently quite bad. Tons of ‘final’ passes go astray because the communication seems poor. You can also see this in the defensive end when the D line and keeper can’t seem to play the ball efficiently between each other.

    I also think Arsene needs to brush up on his tactics. Desigunner’s blog has gone to great lengths to prove this.

    All in all, we only lost by a freak goal (as if JSPark meant to score!), the pitch was a mess (even Man U were slipping), Ferdinand did not get a red. But we didn’t roar back after Looney’s penalty miss. The game had draw written all over it, and there is no shame in drawing at Trafford.

    I also want to point out that in 3 years, even withot Cesc, we will have a monster on our hands. AFC is just going through some massive growing pains, we probably should have kept Henry to help guide the team attitude. It is an enormous help to have a vet on a sports team who has won major title.

    Just think, there is no way even ManC will be able to buy their way to our squad quality over the next 5 years. That is a team we can be right now! If Arsene can tweak his veteran player policy a bit, AFC will be unstoppable.

  • Shard

    @lego

    That’s response thing is where you miss the point. Wenger’s responsibility isn’t to the Arsnal fans primarily in that regard. It’s to his team. Right or wrong he’s supposed to stand by them. The only reason he would criticise them in public would be if he thought it helps them perform. The fact that his reputation takes a beating because of it shows that he puts the team first. Not that he doesn’t care.

  • Shard

    What really was the problem with Wenger’s tactics incidentally. We defended well and weren’t caught out on the break. All things that people were clamouring for and blaming Wenger’s tactics when we got beaten by Chelsea. Now they blame his tactics presumably for not being attacking enough.

    Everyone likes to think they know tactics better. But there’s a reason one person is appointed to make the calls. And he’ll get some calls wrong, but there’s no way ANYONE can KNOW before what will deliver victory. Why am i even saying this. It’s not that difficult to understand but obviously some people will just not want to, and argue for arguments sake.

  • critic

    it’s sammy n his job is to snoop around rival blogs, bt this tym he did a grt job in snoopin around some of d ridiculous blogs on d name of arsenal.
    Personaly i loved d article…pathetic rabbits..

  • Homer

    Nude Brazilian Football Hotties on the Beach … would have been an obvious joke. Cuban, just a bit off the norm, the main track of hotness and likely titilating enough to make a man just have to look.

    Nicely done!

  • walter

    Rokabox, can you please enlighten us who he should have put on the field and at what time. And then prove us that we would have won the game.
    And then send your application to Arsenal.

    Oh, how easy it is talking with hindsight…..

  • Byo

    @ lego:
    How many coaching badges are in your possession? Please tell!

  • C4

    A lot of you need to get your emotions in check. Sure, we lost to manure, but I see a definite improvement in our performance against them from our last games, especially defensively, which is where most of our problems lie. They hard a hard time against us, it was not an easy game for either side. They just had a bit more luck than we did on the goal.
    Our recent bad record against them is a combo of inexperience and injuries. The inexperience bit is slowly fading, an I think our game showed that to an extent.
    With each subsequent game we play against them, it will get harder and harder for them. We are on the rise. They are on the decline. So this bad form against top sides will soon be forgotten by those of you with short memories. Did you expect us to win constantly and comfortably against established and experienced teams while building up our squad with young players?
    I think it will be less than a year from now before we start seeing wins against the top sides. Our team is pretty close, with youth on our side. manure can’t say the same, just look at what West Ham did to them.
    The odds will soon be in our favour.

  • lego

    It seems coming 3rd or 4th every year equals success???? How do you work that one out??

    When Man U, Chelsea, Citeh, Barca or Madrid go bust I might agree with you but we all know that hell will freeze over first. I appreciate the fantastic success that Arsene has brought (note the past tense there – brought, not brings!) to our Club but he is making the same mistakes every season whilst expecting us to shut up, turn up and pay up.

    Making mistakes is part of being human – but only an arrogant fool keeps making the same mistakes over and over and over again!!

  • Micheal

    Wenger: Ok, boys, keep your composure and keep possession of the ball and the chances will come. They will try to rough you up and press you high up the pitch. Don’t be scared, they are just Man Utd not Titan Utd.

    Fabregas: But boss, we are not suppose to win. We have to keep the fans happy.

    Eboue: Yeah, maann…

    Wenger: What nonsense are you talking about, Fab?

    Fabregas: Yeah, boss. I mean, if we win, then we will probably win the league and I don’t have a good reason to go to Barcelona. The fans want me to go to Barca. It seems that they need to fulfill their prophecy of me off to Catalan. It needs to happen because they said so.

    Nasri: He’s right, boss. Then next year, when I become Arsenal’s best player, the fans will honorably prostitute me to another team. It makes them happy apparently. I have to do this for the fans.

    Diaby: Song and me will play shit in this game because we are Africans. We must lose the ball and play like headless chickens. Then the fans will boo and abuse us and nothing makes us happy if we keep the fans happy.

    Eboue: Yeah, bossmaann… Wonder how wild the fans will go if I come in for Song in the 85th minute, score an own goal, dive for a yellow card and get sub for Vela. The stuff of Arsenal faithfuls. Nice, maann…

    Chamakh: I’m planning for something better. I gonna run and run and run until I get cardiac arrest. Then the fans will cheer for me. I’m in tears already.

    Koscielny: Well, I’m going to win 100 headers, 100 interceptions, 100 tackles, 100 clearance but will still concede penalty because Rooney needs protection. He’s the golden boy of club and country. I’m proud to be his bitch. The fans like it that way.

    Almunia: Yeah, I save many penalties but the fans don’t talk about it anymore, but if I concede one, the fans go wild and frenzy. I never seen anything like it. Amazing. Arsenal fans are special.

    Denilson: I’m planning to be slim and thin all the time. If I buff up and get bigger and stronger, then I will in-deliberately conquer the midfield game. The fans don’t want that. They want me to be bullied by everyone including the Rainman. You have no idea how much the fans will get mad if we don’t do what they want, boss.

    Clichy: Hey, boss. I heard Arsenal occupy the biggest cyber-space among football clubs in the world. We need to play like shit all the time so that a lot of people can write blogs and earn money. What the heck are they gonna do if we play well and win every title? They are not good in anything else. We need to be considerate and help them to be successful in whatever they do. It’s our destiny.

    Fabregas: And boss, when I’m in Barcelona next year, stay in touch, ok? I know Real Madrid wants you badly and I don’t want to play for a bankrupt club.

    Wenger: ???

  • ugandan goon

    wasted breath, oh so much wasted breath.

  • Waleed

    @Rhys,
    I think you misunderstood Sammy The Snake. There is nothing wrong with going against general opinion, but he wasn’t criticizing you or anyone for disagreeing with the general theme of this blog, but I’m certain he was referring to trolls. People who come on here “JUST to say something against general opinion.” Just to get people riled up. Scum U or Tiny Tott fans, for example, might come on this blog just to say Jack Wilshere is shit.

  • The true gooner

    Disagree.