The season is here – are you feeling hope or fear?

Here’s a question for you: why the hell are Southampton fans so chirpy?

And here’s another: why the fudge are West Ham supporters wallowing in misery? Don’t they realise they’ve got David Moyes as manager and winning is his middle name. “That’s what I do, I win.” Remember when he said that?

OK, that bit about West Ham is a joke, sorry. It’s pretty obvious why West Ham fans are miserable. They’ve got unpredictable owners, a stupid stadium where you’re somehow further away from the pitch than if you were actually outside, have barely signed anyone and have just sold their best young player, prompting Mark Noble, the captain, to say he was “gutted, angry and sad”. And David Moyes’ middle name is William.

This is the problem, see. The Athletic have asked me to write about hope and it may just be beyond my capabilities. Fine, so we like to do things differently here. Fine, so we do them...