By Sir Hardly Anyone
Every now and then someone pops along and accuses Untold of “click bait” as if this is some sort of crime on the level of exterminating budgerigars, draining the River Thames to build social housing or making Northamptonshire a no go area for sheep.
But according to Wiki Clickbait is a term “describing web content that is aimed at generating online advertising revenue, especially at the expense of quality or accuracy.”
And that’s the problem for Untold – we can’t do clickbait. You see we only make any money to help pay for the extraordinarily high cost of protecting our server against attacks from people who want to steal the mega list of subscribers and against the occasional nutter who just doesn’t like what we say, by getting people to click on our adverts. And the content of the adverts is in the hands of the advertiser. Just visiting us doesn’t do any good in this regard.
Besides which only the first click from an IP address on an advert counts, so while a single click to an ad you find interesting gives us a few pennies, multiple clicks does nothing at all.
Our use of headlines is to encourage readers to get into a subject which maybe they wouldn’t if we put up dull headlines. It is done in the knowledge that if we mislead or if the article that follows is deathly dull not only does the reader wander off in five seconds (and we can measure how long each person is on the site) but he/she doesn’t come back.
I’ll tell you something else. Putting “Sir Hardly Anyone” as the author of the article is a bit of a giveaway too. It is not even my real name. My real name is Ima Tory, but I found that when I used that, everyone laughed.
Anyway, just as Christmas Eve is Father Christmas’ big and busy night, so the last Sunday is March is the big night in much of Europe since all the clock makers and watch repairers travel the continent putting all the clocks forwards one hour. I used to have to do it myself, but these days, apparently if you buy a “digital” clock, the little clockmen sneak in at night and do it. Wonderful – and this day announces the start of the pre-transfer-window-hysteria. We’re off!!!
So now we are off with the summer transfers and I can tell that you in my time away the Metro has announced a “done deal” as “Kelechi Nwakali completes Arsenal transfer signing five-year deal” for £3million. He said, ‘I won’t be able to mention the exact transfer fee but it is above £2m.’ The Metro said he is “in the mould of Patrick Vieira.”
But that is old news I hear you cry. What of today? Well scanning the bloggettas the lead story turns out to be…
And who is this wonder person? It’s….. Gonzalo Higuain. Again, again, again. Same as every year.
Back in the Metro
The 23-year-old could be allowed to leave for between £31-35million this summer, according to MARCA a Spanish web site.
Also apparently, according once more to the hyper active Metro, Arsenal have made Brazilian wonderkid Gabriel Jesus one of their key summer transfer targets, “according to reports.” (According to my school report “what this boy does to the English language should be a criminal offence” – so that shows you how valuable reports is.)
Arsenal target Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Odion Ighalo, N’Golo Kante and more in £70m spree… but who’s most likely to sign?
Now that is quite a change for the Mail because they are acknowledging for the first time ever that not all of the transfers they postulate will actually end up at the Ems. That is quite a breakthrough. Although I should warn you that when I found the article it had already been shared 666 times.
- Pierre Emerick Aubameyang – Borussia Dortmund – £60m
- Victor Wanyama – Southampton – £20m
- Odion Ighalo – Watford – £20m
- Ben Chilwell – Leicester – £8m
- John Stones – Everton – £45m
- N’Golo Kante – Leicester – £20m
- Ryan Sessegnon – Fulham – £2m
But let us pause and look back at what was done this season… We got Cech and Elneny for money, and Iwobi was brought through to become quite a player. Last season we found Campbell and Coquelin lurking in the ranks.
So the new star could most certainly come from within. Jeff Reine Adelaide anyone?
And anyway, Arsenal Mania tell us
With Santi Cazorla and Jack Wilshere set to return from a long injury layoff after the international break…
so that’s two more players.
Oh and I forgot to tell you, Alexis is off…
With less than ten games left to play and a combination of injuries and weak support plaguing the team, Arsenal striker Alexis Sanchez is on pace for his lowest goal total in league play in over five years. Despite his struggles, Alexis Sanchez is very clearly going to be a top transfer target for teams across Europe and could very well leave in the summer. Luckily for the Gunners, a replacement appears to be on the transfer list in the form of AC Milan ace Carlos Bacca.
That comes from Caughtoffside.
And lastly NastyTackle gives the aaa some heartache.
MESUT OZIL PREPARED TO LEAVE IF ARSENAL KEEP ARSENE WENGER
So which one do they dislike the most. Ozil or Arsene? Oh hell, get rid of both of them. What has either of them ever done for us? (That comment only makes sense if you followed Monty Python’s exploits in Rome).
Meanwhile on the home page we have the full anniversary list for the day, the insult of the day, the non-football anniversary of the day and other stuff.
Danny Karbassiyoon’s book “The Arsenal Yankee” with a foreword by Arsene Wenger will be published on Tuesday 29 March. You can buy the book…
- On line here for £14.95, plus delivery
- Or by phone on 01536 399 011 using a credit card.
- Or by Pay Pal to Jane@hamilton-house.com Don’t forget to enter the title of the book and your delivery address on the Pay Pal site, and calculate the full amount including delivery, see below.
- Or by post to Hamilton House Mailings Ltd., Earlstrees Ct., Earlstrees Rd., Corby, Northants NN17 4HH with a cheque.
- The five ways in which the media are treating us like idiots when they debate football.
- Birmingham City Ladies v Arsenal Ladies FA Cup Fifth Round – Match Report
- If Mr Wenger were to leave, who might replace him.
From the anniversary files
- 22 March 1986: After reports circulated that the board were seeking to appoint Barcelona manager Terry Venables in his place, Don Howe resigned as manager 10 years to the day after Bertie Mee. Steve Burtenshaw took over.
- 22 March 2005: The start of Jens Lehmann’s record of 853 minutes without conceding a goal in the Champions League.