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Research and interrogation, plus the buying of a multiplicity of alcoholic beverages for various journalists, undertaken selflessly and without any thought of the damage to his mind or body by Sir Hardly Anyone OBE, but with an expenses bill being handed in any minute…
Actually before we start I have a new ploy by the aaa to report. Untold publishes a detailed analysis of something like transfers or managers or whatever, and the aaa come back with a simple one liner answer. Untold editors, being gents, try and answer this one line point politely (although sometimes they fail to be polite). Then more aaa pour in and say “this shows the paucity of your argument if you seriously think everything is down to x.”
Anyway, thought you’d like to know what the editorial office is discussing today. Now on with the show…
Preliminaries: Kelechi Nwakali
Kelechi is expected to arrive at Arsenal this week after delays due to his participation in the U20 Africa Cup of Nations qualifiers. Arsenal allegedly “fought off” Bayern Munich and Barcelona to sign the player. The official line of the negativists is that he is just a kid.
Extra Preliminary: Chelsea in the loan League.
They are indeed at it again with 14 players out on loan already.
- Andreas Christensen (Borussia Monchengladback) – season
- Nathan Ake (Bournemouth) – season
- Charly Musonda (Real Betis) – season
- Lewis Baker (Vitesse) – season
- Nathan (Vitesse) – season
- Jeremie Boga (Granada) – season
- Victorien Angban (Granada) – season
- Wallace (Gremio) – season
- Matej Delac (Mouscron) – season
- Tomas Kalas (Fulham) – season
- Kasey Palmer (Huddersfield) – season
- Alex Kiwomya (Crewe) – 6 months
- Joao Rodriguez (Santa Fe) – season
- Mitchell Beeney (Crawley Town) – 6 months
Man City has seven so far, Swansea five. Most clubs have zero, one or two. Arsenal have Toral and Crowley. The official line of the negativists is that we should loan out more. “It shows the youth system isn’t up to scratch,” said Ima Moaner.
Late Extra Post-Preliminary: Kalidou Koulibaly
According to Football Italia, Arsenal have spoken to Napoli about the availability of Kalidou Koulibaly and a possible $52.5 million. The official line of the negativists is that this is a panic buy.
And now the news…
1: Arsenal ‘close’ to Wissam Ben Yedder signing
25-year-old Toulouse striker Wissam Ben Yedder. According to Canal+, Arsenal are paying in the region of £8m. He scored 70 goals for Toulouse in the past four seasons, including 23-goals last season.
The official line of the negativists is that they see this is as a gradual decline in ambition rather than a bid that has been there all the time. So it has to be written, “Having failed to get x Arsenal are now getting y”. And that’s an order.
2: Lyon confirm €35m offer for Alexandre Lacazette rejected
“The reality is that Arsenal made a €35m offer that Lyon did not follow up on” while stating that Lacazette is “irreplaceable” and a key “leader” and is irreplaceable. And he is irreplaceable. But Italian journalist Emanuele Giulianelli said Arsenal will only make a move for him if a deal for an ‘unnamed striker’ falls though. “Arsenal are working on a secret name, not yet revealed, and the recent trip to Germany of some club members could mean something.
According to the Daily Star, Arsenal have been ordered to pay £40m if they are to secure the signing of Alexandre Lacazette.
“What we know is when and if Arsenal realise that they won’t be able to take their first choice, they will take Lacazette. The budget ready for the striker plus the winger is about £100m.”
But wait, what’s this? Lacazette has given Arsenal a boost in their quest to sign him after he reportedly told his club, Lyon, that he wants to leave. And they thought he was irreplaceable eh?
The official line of the negativists is that Arsenal are too stingy to pay.
3: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang told German TV station ZDF that “only Real Madrid would be able to get me out of Dortmund”. This is a “blow” claim those who deal in “blows”. The official line of the negativists is that he name is far too long to be taken seriously.
4: Riyad Mahrez is ‘not bothered’ by Arsenal’s interest in him, according to Leicester City teammate Demarai Gray. The official line of the negativists is that Arsenal should have this player, as indeed they should buy every player and the failure so to do is a clear indicator that Arsenal is a failing team.
5: Marcelo Brozovic deal is stuck over price arguing claim those for whom every deal involving Arsenal is always stuck over price issues including of course Granit. Oh, no that’s not right. Arsenal contacted Inter Milan for the second time in an attempt in order to get Marcelo Brozovic for less than €30m according to the Mirror. The official line of the negativists is boring.
6: More players out
Takuma Asano (Japan), Serge Gnabry (Germany) and Joao Virginia (Portugal) have been called up for the festival of drugs – sorry the Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro. Although frustrating the news is good for Gnabry in that he looked to be moving back to his old form after being destroyed by West Bromwich Wildebeest last season. The official line of the negativists is that this is a player crisis and we will be relying on the under 12s for the opening game against Liverpool?
7: Spotted at the airport
Speculation fuelled by round the clock drinking and a hyperactive imagination have said that Mahrez was on board a plane to London after the Celtic Leicester game. The official line of the negativists is that airport spotting is silly, unless it is them watching Chelsea.
8: If it’s Wednesday it must be Barcelona
And in this case Arda Turan according to the Rabid Upholsterer. Sorry “The Sun”. Alexis Sanchez is acting as advocate general. But not, wait, what’s this?
Hopes of signing Barcelona’s Arda Turan look to have been dashed after the player’s agent revealed that the Turkey international is willing to fight for his place at the Nou Camp.
Oh dear. The official line of the negativists is too tedious to bother with.
9: Mauro Icardi again
Arsenal have emerged as 3/10 odds on favourites to sign Mauro Icardi from Inter Milan, ahead of others in a £50m move using Pickit Shifit and Dropit, the removal firm. The official line of the negativists is that this is not going to happen.
10: Hector Bellerin unsettled by Manchester City interest
Oh not he’s not. Anyway they’ve already got Bacary Sagna and Pablo Zabaleta at right-back. It’s a bit like Alice in Wonderland. They only do it to annoy because they know it teases. And because the drunken journalists fall for it every time. The official line of the negativists is that this is another player who we are going to lose through dithering.
11: The Unknown Mystery Man. Yes Honest It’s True
“Arsenal staff had a transfer meeting today & are plotting a big-name striker move” said Emanuele Giulianelli. “Keeping the name between a few of them. Contact to be made tomorrow as there is £50-60m ready to be spent on the player. This is not Carlos Bacca either.
“It’s just Wenger, Bould, Ivan Gazedis and the core staff who know the name.”
12: Arsenal are yet to make an offer to sign Gonzalo Higuain,
Oh no we’ve done that one.
13: Now the news from the Independent
Theo Walcott and Danny Welbeck are yet to recover from long standing injury problems.
No one told me Theo is injured. Oh, he’s not. Oooops. And yet that story turned up in the Indy twice. Bloody robots.
- Crisis already: all central defenders out, nobody to play anmore… or do we?
- Why are people so negative about Arsenal? The first answers.
- The Absolute Arsenal Transfer Index: 86 players we are signing, 21 players we are losing.
Untold Arsenal has published five books on Arsenal – all are available as paperback and three are now available on Kindle. The books are
- The Arsenal Yankee by Danny Karbassiyoon with a foreword by Arsene Wenger.
- Arsenal: the long sleep 1953 – 1970; a view from the terrace. By John Sowman with an introduction by Bob Wilson.
- Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football. By Tony Attwood, Andy Kelly and Mark Andrews.
- Making the Arsenal: a novel by Tony Attwood.
- The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal by Mark Andrews.
You can find details of all five on our new Arsenal Books page
Gonzalo Higuain to Arsenal: Gunners yet to make an offer
And once in
Arsenal on alert after Napoli confirm they have rejected a €60m bid for …
I mean if you can’t trust a newspaper journalist, who can you trust?
14: Arsenal could make a surprise move for Manchester City defender Jason Denayer as well as Borussia Dortmund’s Matthias Ginter. Except it wouldn’t be a surprise any more.
Wenger is said to have bid for Denayer last summer, but saw a £5m bid rejected
15: It’s snub time. First Vardy, now Mahrez snubs Arsenal
Riyad Mahrez will snub Arsenal and wants to remain at Leicester City for the forthcoming season, according to Claudio Ranieri.
Well done to Sir Hardly,hacking his way through the hacks with his hackwatch and meeting with the Lunchtime O’Boulezers and Sally Jockstrap to report back to us.Long may it continue!
According to the official site, Arsene has said that he is looking for an “experienced” central defender to come in to cover in that area. Not sure if he means he’ll buy or take a season long loanee.
The Brickfields Gunners Blog predicts that Arsenal’s next buy WILL be from Southampton . They quote odds of 1 in 50 chance of it happening, if your are betting man .
No reasons were given , as none were demanded .
As it should be .
In 2012 Ivan Gazidis said, ‘in 2016 Arsenal be a super club & compete with Bayern’.Today he says we can’t outgun market rivals? I’m Confused
Brickfields Gunners
You have collected 7 dislikes for your seemingly innocuous post. You really must stop upsetting so many people with your insensitive ramblings.
Sorry, make that 101 dislikes, surely an all time record.
LOL I think it is Brickfields himself 🙂 Or Southampton supporters… 🙂
eh? Why so many dislikes on Captain Brickfields post? Must be the betting agencies getting unhappy?Or those dogs from 101 Dalmatians…? 🙂
Walter
There aren’t as many as 101 Southampton supporters are there
Someones been making mischief on the like/dislikes for several days. I got 104 (also Tom) recently, and while I can accept that I’m a dislikes magnate I still think there’s some obvious targeting taking place.
Is 101 significant? Winston Smith & all that!
…dislikes magnet….not magnate, although you never know.
That Lens central defender player Abdoul Ba could be a reasonable fill in for Mertz if AW can sign him. He’s taller, as big, and faster than Mertz, could be a good long term replacement as he’s only 22 years old.
I’ll second that Polo. I wondered during the game, if Arsène might have an eye on him.
Polo – I’d buy him as a center forward. He’d scare any defence.
Brickfields – you’ve got a job for life on Untold -click magnet!
Tony,
thank you for saving me all the time I’d have consumed trying to read all these webpages !!!
UA, as a productivity enhancer….
Cheers
Chris
At one stage in my life i became aware that i spent too much time wondering about what others think/say/do instead of concentrating on me.
Polo:
I thought the same, and that even before Per was injured.
My wish for the coming season is that:
1: Arsenal clears away at least 2 cups.
2: That Manu falls flat on their faces after spending so much money.
3: That Chel$ becomes even more an average team.
4: That City realises they are not as good as Arsenal.
5. That Liverpool becomes our new PL rivals.
6. That Leicester gets relegated.
Glad to see some agreements on Ba.
@ Menance, maybe AW should get Ba as defender to scare the opposition attackers and the ex-Wimbledon player ‘The Beast’ Adebayo Akinfenwa as center forward that will scare the opposition defenders, also that might stop any opposition players doing reckless tackles on our players.
I agree that Ba was the best & quickest defender on the pitch, but he looked a bit clumsy as we scored when colliding with the post.
There’s not been as much as a whisper concerning him moving to Arsenal, but you never know.
Looks like a rumour may have been created here today.
William, that might be because you are not paying attention
SHA, I had a look on the transfers section for Juvetus on Transfermarkt. They seem to be rather good at loaning lots of young players out as well!
A 105 DISLIKES ? Wow ! Almost brings tears to one’s eyes in appreciation of the time and trouble taken to achieve that ! I said ‘almost’ !
That ‘them’ people took time off from the toil of their daily menial jobs ( or most probably couldn’t be bothered to get into the dole queue !) to painstakingly show their support , is really quite heart warming . Makes bashing ‘them’ a rewarding experience !
And I shall endeavour further to keep your fingers always on the button . Keep reading these pages as I will teach you all tactics on how you could use your considerable influence and limited intelligence to guide the club , the manager and the team to greater heights .
Again , thanks for clicking ! Please remember that every time you click , you will be deducted a certain sum which goes towards good causes . Among these are nursing homes for traitorous ex-players ‘relieved’ of their media pundit posts , unemployed ex-high powered agents and soon to unemployed Ex-England managers . And believe you me , there’s going to be a lot of them !
CHEERS ! And keep smiling ! It confuses ‘them’ !
‘ I have decided to stick with love . Hate is too great a burden to bear .’
Martin Luther King Jr.
While waiting for the brickbats , here’s an interesting case from the files of The Medical Division of UA . For obvious reasons names have been changed!
Pxxxxxbhai was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, a young, recent B***** medical graduate.
The young B***** doctor listened to him carefully and told him, “Go home, Lie down on your tummy, Open your ass wide, And ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass”.
“What???” said Pxxxxxbhai
The doctor repeated patiently, “Go home. Lie down on your tummy. Open your ass wide. And ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass”.
The headache was really killing him, so Pxxxxxbhai went home and, very skeptically, tried out what the doctor told him. And guess what, the headache vanished!
So Pxxxxxxbhai goes running back to the Doc, and says “Doctor, doctor, where did you learn this amazing cure?”
And the B***** Doctor replies modestly, “Oh that’s nothing. They taught us this on our very first day in medical school”.
“Really?” says Pxxxxxxbhai, “This is what they taught you in medical school?”
“Yes, of course. They said for a headache you should always prescribe – “ANALGIN”.
‘Be silly .Have fun. Love the people who treat you right , forget the ones who don’t. Regret nothing. Believe everything happens for a purpose.. and seek that purpose .’
Karen Salmansohn.
This will bring tears to your eyes .
The sharing of marriage…
The old man placed an order for one plain hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’
She answered…
‘THE TEETH.
But Italian journalist Emanuele Giulianelli said Arsenal will only make a move for him if a deal for an ‘unnamed striker’ falls though. “Arsenal are working on a secret name, not yet revealed, and the recent trip to Germany of some club members could mean something.
Why anyone looks at this clown is astonishing: Remember Benzema last year? http://bit.ly/2atpzaw
Lawrie, I don’t think anyone on this site actually takes a blind bit of notice of Giulianelli – that is assuming that he is any more real than Sir Hardly Anyone.