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Do you have what it takes to be a football journalist? Find out here.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Could you be a football headline writer or a footie journo?   Here is a little test whether you should aspire to that august line of work.   You then have to consider how you would turn each of the following stories into a bloggetta or Daily Mail / Daily Star headline.

Here we go with a selection from this morning’s most popular stories (with one we have found two alternative headlines).  No cheating by scrolling down, and remember your story has to get people to believe this is the moment, the breakthrough, the really, really, really big one.

1: Ben Sheaf has joined Stevenage on loan

2: Karim Benzema has an agreement with Arsene Wenger to join Arsenal but there is no deal

3: Gazidis spotted in Germany with Mislintat and chief negotiator Fahmy, at the airport but nothing is known about the discussions

4: Ozil is about to sign a new contract

5: Mahrez attends a match at the Emirates as a guest

So that is it.  all you have to do is look at those five stories and invent a headline that would make everyone turn to your bloggetta or newspaper and read your commentary.

Pause and try.  Best, to replicate the whole approach to writing completely, have a few pints of beer and various illegal drugs, and work in a noisy environement with lots of people shouting and someone saying “haven’t you got a ****ing headline yet.”

Give it a go.


So let us see how you did against the bloggettas…

 

Ben Sheaf has joined Stevenage on loan

  • “Arsenal agree 6ft defensive midfielder deal”

Karim Benzema has an agreement with Arsene Wenger to join Arsenal but there is no deal

  • French star agrees to join Arsenal as Wenger eyes bargain £35m swoop – report
  • Arsene Wenger agrees to sign 187-goal striker despite Arsenal chasing Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

 Gazidis and co seen in Germany

  • Ivan Gazidis battling for Arsenal reputation after error gifts Dortmund Aubameyang advantage

Ozil will re-sign

  • Done deal: Arsenal agree deal for£42m attacker wanted by Mourinho – Not Aubameyang

Mahrez attends a match at the Emirates as a guest

  • Welcome to Arsenal’,’It’s official’… Gunners fans think 26-year-old attacker has signed

Fun isn’t it.

OK let’s try another test.   We all know the Aubameyang story is going on and on and that almost everyone carrying it is saying that the deal will go through eventually.  But imagine you work for the Guardian and your instruction of course is to knock every single thing that ever happens or might happen to Arsenal.  So your instruction is to write a bit of knocking copy about the Aubameyang situation, remembering you have no more information than anyone else…

Have a go


Now he is what the Guardian is publishing this morning…

“Reports from Germany say Arsenal’s attempts to sign Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang from Borussia Dortmund have hit a snag and a deal is increasingly unlikely to be made this month despite the occasionally petulant 28-year-old Gabon striker having done his best to incinerate his bridges with the German club. What this means for Olivier Giroud is anyone’s guess, but tabloid reports in England suggest his is the latest name to pop up in Chelsea’s increasingly entertaining quest to sign somebody tall. Mainz defender Abdou Diallo had also been linked with a move to Arsenal, but that particular German club’s sporting director, Rouven Schroder, insists the 21-year-old is “not for sale”.”


You see the point there – don’t just rubbish the main story but use the piece to layer on the incompetence.  We won’t get Aubameyang, Giroud will go anyway, and we won’t even get the follow up deal of Diallo.

Incidentally putting odd words in bold is an interesting ploy and one studied in depth by those who work in advertising and know about the psychology of perception.   The effect is to drag the reader’s eye to the bold words but remove any sense of meaning, leaving one thinking that the article contained something when it didn’t and that you have read a piece that is of interest.  Beware any ad you see which uses the technique; it probably is selling something that isn’t there.

 

OK now the big test.  You run a bloggetta and you have no story to run today at all.  Everyone has done all the regulars to death what do you do?

Think about it before scrolling down.

Ready?

Got one?  It has to be original and big.

Sure?

Remember it really has to shock.

Here it is

  • “31-year old Nacho Monreal to leave Arsenal this January in shock deal?”

OK if you didn’t get anything as ludicrous, outrageous and downright insane as any of these you are not yet ready to run your own bloggetta or apply for a job with a newspaper.  But you must keep trying.  I’ll maybe offer you another chance shortly.  If you get the job the pay is poor but there is lots of shouting.

 

 

25 comments to Do you have what it takes to be a football journalist? Find out here.

  • John L

    How about “Wiltshire shock.. I want to play with Alexis at Manchester Utd… Leaves Arsenal in meltdown”

    According to reports, Lacazzete wanted by PSG and is known to be keen to play in France

  • John L

    Or “Arsenal snubbed by midfield star” – Wenger in crisis, as fans threaten revolt.

  • Stevo

    John, could be worse, it might have been Wilshere

  • John L

    Blame the annoying predictive text which thinks it knows best

  • GoingGoingGooner

    “predictive text” = journalist/pundit?

  • SamuelAkinsolaAdebosin

    How about
    //
    Arsenal forced to sign Aubameyang after receiving threats from Dortmund they’ll lower asking fee as Deadline day looms.

  • SamuelAkinsolaAdebosin

    How about
    //
    Arsenal forced to sign Aubameyang after receiving threats from Dortmund they won’t lower asking fee as Deadline day looms.

  • SamuelAkinsolaAdebosin

    Full-Time scores in the Bundelisga today @Westfalenstadion is: Dortmund 2-2 Frreiburg.
    Aubameyang played the whole game but did not score in the match to strengthens his transfer case to Arsenal who want him and makes Le Boss believes if Arsenal does sign him January @Dortmund’s asking fee, he’ll be prolific in front of goal for the Gunners consistently throughout the rest of the season scoring braces and hat tricks for them most of time and not be profligating in front of goal for them.

  • Polo

    Breaking News:

    Breaking News:

    Arsenal Are In Total Crisis After Failing To Sign Striker!

    Dortmund will not sell PEA to Arsenal according to report from Antarctica. It is understood Dortmund wanted £60,000,000 for their prized striker but Wenger insist he will only pay £59,999,999 for the striker, however the Frenchman is still open to negotiation. The dithering from the Frenchman had infuriated the Dortmund Board to an extent they will no longer sell PEA to Arsenal. Furthermore, a source in Greenland told Pig in Sky that Chelsea is on the verge of hijacking PEA from Arsenal, and an announcement is expected in the next 24 to 48 hours.

  • apaarmani

    Good evening to all untold’ers

    I havent posted in like ages…but be sure I have been following systematically!

    Its an off topic question for the pannel:

    How come Sancez got to play in an FA Cup tie with manure even though he had played with us in previous rounds?

    What am I missing?

  • apoarmani

    my user name should read apoarmani…not apa…sorry

  • Pat

    Thanks for the link to that lovely article Polo.
    And thanks Tony for another great laugh. But as always grounded in reality.

  • Pat

    Polo – your contribution – totally in the style!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    LATEST !!

    From the Brickfields Gunners Blog –

    OZIL TO FOREGO RESIGNING ON FEE IN BID TO GET ARSENAL TO SIGN BENZEMA ?

    This blogger has been alerted to the soon to be breaking news that is emanating from reliable sources very close to certain influential ‘camps’ that Ozil is willing to forego his quite a substantial re-signing on fee in a bid to help Arsenal to end the present impasse sign Karim Benzema.

    Being fed up with all the dithering going on, and with the transfer window’s looming imminent closure , Ozil is said to have told his representatives to get the gears moving and make this deal a reality.

    Arsenal fans of both divide would no doubt be very happy this development , as it would not only benefit the Arsenal with these two world class players , but would also save the club a lot of money .

    Arsenal fans would also be ‘licking their chops’ at the prospect of these two players being reunited again, and help to restart or kick start Arsenal’s season again .Most especially after the Alexis Sanchez transfer saga , and the subsequent bad blood ignited by those silly and creepy ManUre man love videos to welcome him. ECCHH !

    As Arsenal fans are well aware , these two were the shining gems in that great Real Madrid team that swept all before them in the Spanish league. Benzema had always wanted to play in England for Arsenal and for AW , and Arsenal have been reported ad nauseam nearly every season to have in wanting to sign him.

    WELCOME KARIM BENZEMA !

    Please keep reading this blog for more explosive revelations .
    lease do LIKE it and SHARE on FAKEBOOK .

  • para

    VAR is being thought a big failure and it is now being changed.

    When the ref needs to see an incident, it will now be screened on the big screen(s), now mandatory that clubs will have 4 big screens at each ground facing each side of the ground, and the ref will pull a reasonable sized pad from his chest pack to review the incident, which must be shown from at least 3 different views, and everyone can see the replays on the big screen.

    The chest pack will be incorporated in the ref’s new kit in the jersey part of the kit, and will be a little padded to forgo the possibility of the ball hitting the ref’s chest.

    These new ideas have been met with mostly positive expectations and will start to be trialed soon.
    Of course there are the usual detractors, who are raising their voices that VAR be completely ditched.

  • para

    And now the latest on the VAR issue;

    Some are voicing concern that the additional weight of the pad, will slow down the aging refs, who, as they state, already have problems keeping up with the game. This additional weight, said one spokesperson, “is surely to have an effect on the older refs”.

  • apoarmani Which round do you think he played in?

  • Brickfields Gunners

    A BIG BOOST FOR ARSENAL FANS – Karim Benzema is not cup tied and IS eligible to play in the League Cup final.

    Then again so are thousands of other players !

  • apoarmani

    Tony…I’m assuming that with your “28/01/2018 at 8:07 am
    Which round do you think he played in?”, you are responding to me.

    If so, to be honest I cant recall…if he didnt feature in our cup games then its fully explained.

    Thanks

  • Yes sorry apoarmani it was meant to be back to you. But we only played one FA Cup match this year – against Forest, and I am sure he wasn’t in that one.

  • Nitram

    Brickfields Gunners.

    I’ve heard from ‘sources’ close to Ozil that he’s even offered to pick him up from the airport, and to put him up for the night.

    Apparently, if it will help to push the deal through, Ozil is believed to of gone as far as to say: “Yes, he can have my house, that is no problem. I can move out. I have options”.

    When asked what these ‘options’ were he would not be pushed, but ‘sources’ close to the Arsenal superstar (Not the same sources, other sources) suggested that his close ties with the local YMCA could be the ‘option’ to which he refers. Although the ‘source'(the same one) did add that this was “Highly unlikely” as they are “pretty full at this time of year”.

    Our ‘source’ also adds (the first one, not the other one) that either way, Ozil seems DESPERATE to bring Benzema to Arsenal, if only to “give me someone to pass to who can at least hit the target”.

    But to be fair, having said all this, my 1st ‘source’ had to be back in his cell by 5 O’clock and my other ‘source’ was my mate down the pub.

    So it could all be something and nothing.

  • Menace

    VAR – what is it good for?

    Absolutely nothing!

    I’ll say it again ‘VAR’ – what is it good for?

    Absolutely nothing!

    Whooa Whooa Whoooooa ah!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Nice one Nitram, with so many sources we could open a spice store!
    Does anyone have the inside info on why Alexis actually missed his drug test ?
    Curiouser and curiouser , don’t you think ?

  • Menace

    Brickfields – Wenger said something about that missed drugs test – I think Alexis was at the doctors.