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Arsenal bid £100m for player in transfer rumour untouched by even The Hollow Men.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

What happens to the bloggettas owned by newspapers when their computers get overheated in the, well, err, heat?   This morning, Wednesday 8 August, we find out as Foot Lond, the Daily Mirror’s endlessly automatic computer generated churning  bloggetta, runs the story,  “There’s less than a week left of the transfer window – where did that go?”

And yes I suppose they are technically correct.  Two days is less than a week, but it seems a very odd way of saying it when in fact the buying part of the window creaks closed on Thursday.   Is it, perhaps, the famed temporal anomaly?  

Of course not everyone is as bad as everyone else – of course we want to know about possible transfers but at least they should be written by humans and with a certain amount of realism.  I’d go with Transfer Hound if you want to avoid the computer generated whatnot and keep feet on terra firma

But computer generated whatnot is with us a lot because not to be outdone by the Daily Mirror the Yorkshire Post doesn’t quite start with “Eeh by gum” (the Yorks slang for “Oh my god” according to the often wrong Urban Dictionary – perhaps wrong because much of Yorkshire is rural) but it does open with

Hudds v Arsenal hdyhdydy hddydydy hdyhdyhd hdyhdydh (by RICHARD SUTCLIFFE), Published:  

The Post did recover and eventually diverted the headline to this morning’s non-football news instead, but it was a reminder that running football reporting and rumours by computer (as the newspapers now exclusively do), can go wrong.  Ceaselessly rechurning the old stories with the computers left to move words around to try and convince readers the story is new and has some sort of human input, does have its dangers.

Talk Sprout – the radio station with a website – tries to get around this by having its presenters do rants which they then count as news.  (Just to make the point, the news is no longer what happens in the outside world, but the mindless chatter of the person in front of the microphone, thus meaning that the radio station’s staff no longer have to leave the building, ever.  A disadvantage to them as they don’t see the real world, a benefit to the rest of us as we no longer are in danger of bumping into them.)   

Speaking of Arsenal supporters as a whole  A Durham (which is a person not a county is seems) said words to the effect that, “You’re the most boring, self-centred, self-indulgent, pompous load of prats.”   This rather uninspiring phrase was then wheeled out as their headline of the day, at which point I guess most of us knew that we were observing the end game of the reporting of football.  Not just of the transfer window (although that too) but of any serious attempt at journalism for football supporters.   

Adrian Durham’s desperate attempt to find some way to get Talk Sprout into the headline by trying to insult Arsenal fans (which is what the “most boring” bit was), was based on the premise that Arsenal are not going to go bust so what is the problem with the bid by the owner to buy the rest of the shares?    With a side issue of the fans not being happy unless they are calling for someone to leave – be it the manager or the owner or someone else.

And I think Durham’s little bit of chat (it hardly seems worthy of the word rant) confirms (if we need confirmation) that commentators today really can’t quite grasp what is going on at the club and why supporters care.  The old phrase “you ought to get out more” seems singularly appropriate.  

Of course part of the problem for the Sprout and indeed for Football London and all the other drainpipes (sorry “outlets”) that churn out computer generated football stories 24 hours a day is that to fill that time seriously one would need to have quite a bit of insight.   But insight is one of the things that computers can’t really give. (New job: Computer insight generator – become one of those and you could earn a fortune).

What one can say of Adrian Durham is that his conscience is clear in the sense that he clearly doesn’t have a conscience, no more than most football journalists have.  Indeed if you ever were to ask them about such a thing they would certainly say they had something much better: a company lawyer.

And so the media plods on with all the insight of a burglar who on entering a likely looking property and smelling gas wanders around looking for the source of the smell, illuminating the way with the glow from his cigarette lighter.

But, I hear you cry, is this it?  Is this the end of football journalism as we knew it?  Well, no, because there never was any football journalism.   Just stirring up anger and bitterness and making up tales with the smattering of truth in the middle.  Such as the tale in the Sun that Reiss Nelson has agreed a new long term contract.

Which seems more like it than, “Arsenal’s reported £50m summer transfer budget is set to be smashed.”   This is Arsenal Mania saying that Ousmane Dembele could be signed by tomorrow for £89m.  The board has agreed to the bid.  They claim.  The Metro has much of the same.

The Mirror blames Mundo Deportivo for the source of the story, and indeed there is such a publication (it’s yer actual Spanish for Sports World) and not to be outdone they take the price up £100m.

Not to be outdone by being outdone Foot Lond’s computer generated output is straight back on the scene with “Dembele to Arsenal: Initial £10m loan move & £100m permanent deal next year – report.”   There is no “report” of course.  It’s just a tale. 

And we know, not all of these predictions can be correct.  But the worrying point is that the most likely outcome is that none of them is correct.  All that is happening is that the computer program is simply seeing what the last headline from a rival said and writing it bigger.

“Arsenal to offer the entire value of Western Civilisation for 19 year old” is where it finally ends and the computer program eats itself.

Read Arsenal, trying valiantly to keep the window a viable proposition for discussion claim that “ARSENAL LINKED WITH CLUB BRUGGE STRIKER WESLEY” which must be true because it is in capital letters.  And in case we didn’t get it they then say, “Arsenal are reportedly interested in a deal to sign Wesley from Club Brugge.”

But daily it is getting desperate out there is fantasy land, as this headline from the Express shows…

News: Surprise Rafael Benitez prediction made about Unai Emery

Now let us ponder this word “News” which is there at the front to guide us as to what follows.  It is not the horoscope nor the obituaries but news.   And they say,

“Unai Emery will win games tactically as Arsenal boss according to Carragher”

And really, at that point we seem to have reached the end.   As TS Eliot wrote, “This is the way the world ends: not with a bang – with a whimper.”    It is of course a very well known quote, but perhaps not everyone remembers that it comes from “The Hollow Men”.  Was ever there a better phrase to describe the contemporary football journalist?

17 comments to Arsenal bid £100m for player in transfer rumour untouched by even The Hollow Men.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Another great article Sir.
    About the rumour about Wesley from FC Bruges: I know it is just a computer fabricated rumour and I really do hope so because in my eyes whenever I have seen him play in the Belgium league he looks bang average. Not to mention he got mean elbows which might him see banned for 6 matches in the Belgium league. 7 goals in 28 matches is rubbish for a central striker in a team that won the league last season. And that is what he is imo: rubbish. But then again who am I… 😉

  • silentstan

    another great read. oasis in the desert.

  • MickHazel

    I see the despicable, coin throwing Carragher is now back in the Sky fold having served his token punishment for spitting at a supporter a couple of months ago.

  • Fair play gooner

    Eeh by gum …😂😂😂😂 keep it up man! Really, for that price, I will not want Arsenal to buy Dembele. It’s beyond outrageous. I also think that the big money transfer bubble is about to burst.

  • Andy L

    It is ironic that an idiot like Durham who has spent most of his time slagging our former manager and great club over many years has the temerity to call our supporters ‘ boring , self indulgent and a pompous load of prats ‘ . This man is the biggest prat I’ve heard in a long while and judging by the competition this is quite an accolade.

  • Dammy

    This is the curse of the 24hr sport news stations- what to fill the time with when there’s maybe an hour’s worth of news daily. Proper news channels recycle the same news every hour until the ‘newness’ quality of the news is gone. Sports newslets however dress and redress the news to retain that quality. I’m actually disappointed you mention Durham more than once in this article. He is a notorious wind up merchant whose main job it is to wind football fans enough to respond- thereby generating a newness quality to existing news. Not unlike SSNHD interviewing someone on their payroll (or guest) and later reporting it as news. It seems sir that you have been wound up. Football journalism died years ago- what we have now is heavy and flamable football cladding in the midst of a couple of actual news articles. It takes longer to filter through the rubbish to find actual news. The technique is to surf by source, immediately ignoring unreliable sources like TSprout/Mirror/Sun/etc and obvious click bait headlines like “Striker agrees new deal.”

    At the end of the day, we all want to be in the know…

  • Nitram

    Adrian Durham has made a career out of slagging off Arsenal in general, and Wenger in particular and as often as not with the sole intension of inciting unrest amongst the fans.

    Back when I was stupid enough to listen to Durham he gave massive amounts of air time to the very whingers he incited, the self same whingers he is now insulting for whinging.

    You couldn’t make it up.

    The following is just a small segment from a great article about talksport, and Durham in particular, regarding there raging bias against Arsenal, and there relentless incitement of the fans.

    It’s from a blog called ArsenalArsenal back in 2011:

    “I’ve heard the Ginger one say “I don’t care enough about Arsenal to hate them” yet for the next hour or so after he said that he spent a lot of time highlighting why our team is all that’s wrong with the foreign teams.

    Just recalling how much time is spent on discussing what is wrong with Arsenal by him shows he cares too much and while I doubt it is his personal choice to jump on anything that even remotely resembles an anti-Arsenal bandwagon.

    The stations policy is clearly built on antagonising the fans of the team who are the most articulate and have one of the largest internet presence in the blogosphere and thereby goading them into responding.

    This is not an isolated case, one Stan Collymore, emboldened by the company policy of sticking into the Arsenal, let rip once and showed his Arsenal hating credentials by launching into a very unfunny impression of Wenger’s French accent which had it been in ,say, an African accent would have rightly been unacceptable on the grounds of racism.”

    This was his most telling observation and bears repeating:

    “THE STATIONS POLICY IS CLEARLY BUILT ON ANTAGONISING THE FANS……..”

    Exactly.

    This is a great article, highlighting perfectly the ingrained hatred and contempt this station, and Durham in particular, has for Arsenal.

    You can read the rest of the article here:

    https://arsenalarsenal.net/2011/02/25/talksport-–-hitch-all-your-anti-arsenal-bandwagons-here/

    Beyond ironic.

  • Jammy

    Is there anyone that still disputes the link between the way that every single aspect about our club is attacked on a extremely regular basis by the media and how we have the single worst fanbase in the entire country?

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    Of the 3 Gunners the media reports said Arsenal will listen to offers for them before this summer window closes – Welbeck, Ospina and ElNeny. It’s that of ElNeny that comes to with a surprise. Because for his improved quality at Arsenal since he joined the club, I expect him to stay at the club even under Unai Emery for at least this summer campaign for him to properly access him.

    Arsenal having signed Torreira and Gundenzoi as DMFs this summer should not automatically means ElNeny who can play as a DMF and CB for Arsenal should not be sold immediately.

    In this wise, I’ll advice Emery to review any plan he has to sell ElNeny this summer but wait at least this next season’s campaign. Next season campaign could be many in terms of the games played by Arsenal in all competitions and they could do with adequate cover in the DMF area in the squad.

    The 2018-19 season’s summer transfer window is about to close in some 28 hours time or so. And Arsenal have not made any bid to do a 6th signing this summer. But there is still time for them to di one more signing who should be an audacious specialist wide man in my opinion. But will Arsenal do this top caliber wide man signing before the window slammed shut? Lucas Perez is not a top caliber wide man that Arsenal should keep to depend on him but sell him this window. Iwobi is still a pretender wide player whose preferred playing position is said to be centrally. But there is a top competition in Ozil for him there to contend with. But an out and true wide man signing like Ousmane Dembele should be more Thane okay for Arsenal if they can sign him this summer. Right?

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    Admini, allow me please to edit my comment.

    Of the 3 Gunners the media reports said Arsenal will listen to offers for them before this summer window closes – Welbeck, Ospina and ElNeny. It’s that of ElNeny that comes with a surprise. Because for his improved quality at Arsenal since he joined the club, I expect him to stay at the club even under Unai Emery for at least this summer campaign for him to properly accessed him.

    Arsenal having signed Torreira and Gundenzoi as DMFs this summer should not automatically means ElNeny who can play as a DMF and CB for Arsenal should be sold immediately.

    In this wise, I’ll advice Emery to review any plan he has to sell ElNeny this summer but wait at least this next season’s campaign. Next season campaign could be big for Arsenal in terms of the games they’ll play by in all competitions and they could do with adequate cover in the DMF area in the squad.

    The 2018-19 season’s summer transfer window is about to close in some 28 hours time or so. And Arsenal have not made any bid to do a 6th signing this summer. But there is still time for them to do one more signing who should be an audacious specialist wide man in my opinion. But will Arsenal do this top caliber wide man signing before the window slammed shut? Lucas Perez is not a top caliber wide man that Arsenal should keep to depend on him but sell him this window. Iwobi is still a pretender wide player whose preferred playing position is said to be centrally. But there is a though competition in Ozil for him there to contend with. But an out and true wide man signing like Ousmane Dembele should be more than okay for Arsenal if they can sign him this summer. Right?

  • Nitram

    Jammy

    “Is there anyone that still disputes the link between the way that every single aspect about our club is attacked on a extremely regular basis by the media and how we have the single worst fanbase in the entire country?”

    Alas the answer to that my friend is a resounding yes.

    The response you get, and I’ve no doubt we will get in this thread, is that it’s the same for everyone. That quite clearly is not the case, but none the less people still see it that way.

    Regarding the effect this negative press has on our fans, I go a step further and suggest it has a similar effect on the referees.

    Basically the media present a vast and fertile landscape in which slagging off, stitching up, and generally doing Arsenal down, is the accepted norm.

    Just like any talking head knows slagging Arsenal off is always going to be received with glee and reverie, a referee knows any contentious decision he awards against us, or for the opposition, is going to be received in a similarly positive manner. Conversely heaven help him should he be seen to err in our favour.

    I’ve said it many many times that the medias hatred of us and their subsequent anti Arsenal agenda has cost us points, and as such, in some cases ultimately trophies.

  • U Know Who

    Will Spurs pay over the odds for a talented Hrealish who fits th profile and balance of the team perfectly? It would be exactly what’s needed to send Son inside and give extra width and add an attacking dimension. Villa need him to try and come up. A year on and he’ll be even better, provided he gets a full season.

    Giroud wants to extend his 18month £18m contract, Chelsea may send him to Italy, he obviously fancies London.

    Elneny resigned as did Callum, not going anywhere. Welbeck needs addressing, if Chech goes as opposed to seeing out his contrsct, he’s going aborad, or rplacing Butland, who will need replacing by all acounts, it’s a value for value exchange.

    THe referee’s never target Arsenal, and the media are by and large fair in the appreciation of the club and its aspirations, let alone its personnel.

    All of you people need to stop blaming everyone for having a crap manager and wake up and realise you might stay in the leaggue with Emery.

    At least we don’t need a LB, and have all the CB cover in the world, and a few senior options in wide areas.

  • Menace

    U Know who- U know what to do! FO FFS!!

    & take SAA with you because he thinks he is a pastor!!!!

  • Jammy

    U Know Who – I’m guessing you don’t live in the UK, in which case, you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about and there is no basis for you to form that opinion on. Clearly you’re quite ignorant of the subject, so it astounds me that you talk with such certainty.

    I guess you must have missed the 160 match referring analysis (made by professional referees, no less) that proves an inherent bias against Arsenal and one in favour of certain other clubs? Or how users on here have predicted what referees we will have for certain matches on a number of occasions? Or how this isn’t the only blog that has shown a bias against Arsenal? Or how even the tabloids stated that Arsenal get the worst refereeing decisions for more than one season? Or perhaps you have done a 160 match referring analysis yourself that proves otherwise? I’d be interested to hear the results, if so, and what qualifications you have to back up such results. How many football matches have you officiated?

    “All of you people need to stop blaming everyone for having a crap manager” Ah right, sorry, I didn’t realise that you were that type of idiot. I wouldn’t have even bothered typing this reply if I had read that first. It’s clear what your personal agenda is; there’s no changing that type of arrogant rational.

  • U Know Who

    Tony should I tell Jammy or should you? Ignorant is not knowing one of the most common comment makers on Untold in recent history. It’s missing a tongue in cheek quip, it’s assuming that being in England means you know more about the league than the plethora of Untolders who are not in England, let alone the poblicist.

    Really hilarious, and well Dennis, Dennis knows my opinion, changes tact here, there, here, thre, here, there, can’t make up his mind, aggressive little tyke, like those vicious corgies, you come accross with equally antisocial owners.

    Both me and Cotle seem to agree Grealish is taylor made for the Spuds, as often as I don’t like them, I may appreciate the quality of my adversary, where he posseses it.

    Butland, well that was strange, I really rate the GK, they must have price hiked, because £71m for Kepa is in consideration of the fact that he will be the one to succeed at one of the Spanish Giants eventually. It’s a similar move to Jrginho, he’s totally considering the resale and contractual value.

    Perhaps Sam is a pastor, or aspires to be as much. If life has taught me anything it’s that ony a fool believes in nothing. To suggest that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God is a little more pragmatic.

    However in recognition of the perfect nature of nature, the complex syncronicity of my inner workings. In adhereance to the intrinsic recognition of right and wrong as opposed to total releativity, I’ll stil with the word derrived first from Hebrew, of Aramaic, meaning….. Theology.

    Certainty is faith, it is also at times simple logic. I have faith that Arsenal can win the league each season, it is also logical to note as much.

    but I feed off your negativity, like those set apart, somewhat aloft. Just writing my contest to brexit, amongst other things. Just to piss you off I’m going to ask for 3 elections to be reconsidered.

    Wait, Fulham are after a LB, Chelsea just added a little mrtal, and swapped a good GK for a good GK the rest of the team is stale and a number of them would rather be elsewhere, again. no way top 4. United, well they could be in trouble.

    City, Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool, wouldn’t be a bad shout.

    Who moderates the comments anyways……. does the responsibility change from time to time, I suspect so.

  • Moderation of comments is mostly undertaken automatically – there are far too many for anyone to sift through them all. For more details please see the page on comments.

  • Jammy

    U Know Who – I was referring to your comment about how Arsenal are treated evenely in the media when I said you couldn’t possibly have a basis to form that opinion on, and I base that on your writing style, as it does not sound like English is your first language (not trying to say that as an insult or anything, was just an observation; if I tried talking a second language it would be multitudes worse than your English).

    As for the rest of your comment, I honestly can’t make head or tails of it, so I don’t even know where to begin to reply to it.

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