“Only the FA can discriminate on the basis of nationality”

Sir Hardly Anyone, chairman of the FA, wants to press for “tougher rules” on the takeover of football clubs.  Speaking exclusively to Untold Arsenal, he said, “You should never underestimate the stupidity of the average football fan.

“It is of course quite true that we could have done this when Abramovich came into the game, but after years of doing nothing but bend the rules to accommodate last minute penalties at Liverpool in front of the Kop we lost the plot.

“Fans want to know their loyalty and hard-earned money are not taken for granted,” Sir Hardly said. “I haven’t paid to watch a football match in 20 years and if it weren’t for the fans putting up with Sweet FA at our end, I’d never have got away with it.

“It is hard to believe an owner who thinks it is all right to buy a ‘world first XI’ has grasped the role of the FA.  We are the people who have doing nothing about Abramovich but we have brought Chelsea to book over the behaviour of their groundsman and as you will know failing to keep a groundsman under control is an important charge, and you don’t find any of your foreign Sheiks looking after the basics like that.

“Football never has been a money-making opportunity.  It has traditionally been a joy-ride for freeloaders like me,” Sir Hardly continued. 

“Regulatory change in football must be fair. It cannot discriminate on the basis of nationality – the only people who can do that is the FA, with its ‘national’ teams.  It is perfectly ok for us to say, ‘You Johnny Foreigner are foreign and can’t play for England, but you Johnny Bull, you are a true blue Brit, and so you can.’   That is fine – but it is not ok for anyone else to use this sort of discrimination.

“It is hard to avoid the need to explore rapidly the case for better regulation, and we have already proved that by sacking Sven.  He had five women on the go at one time, and four of them were employees of the FA.  We’ve now set a limit of three at any one time.”