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Untold creates the agenda and the papers follow. Mystifying eh?

By Tony Attwood

We screwed up today, and I have a team from GCHQ looking into it.  Dominic’s preview was written and ready to go, and it didn’t go.  But since Untold always goes where others don’t it is published below.  Sorry dom.

But, here’s the thing.  After four episodes of the new major series on Untold on injuries, the Guardian today said,

Why are Arsenal so much more susceptible to injuries than any other side in the Premier League?

Of course they won’t quote Untold as the source of the question, and they won’t follow our clear explanation in relation to the way in which referees do their job.  So they asked all the ludicrous questions, and were utterly unable to get any answers – because the questions were so silly.

Questions like:

What is that they are doing on the training ground that there are so many important players out at such a important time in the season? And this is not new thing for the Gunners, so why hasn’t it changed? Why wasn’t there investment made in the January transfer window? Why wasn’t a forward bought? Why was a player with a back injury, that Arsène Wenger admitted to knowing about, brought in? Mystifying does not do it all justice.

The last one is an example of how childish this is, since it omits the simple point – the player is being paid by his home club in Russia, and there is no fee.  So why not have him?  The only mystifying thing is why the Guardian is being so childish here trying to hide the facts.  Except, well, they have an agenda which says that the referee cannot be questioned.  Not so mystifying after all.

Anyway, Walter is going to post in a moment, so before he does, here’s the preview that you never saw.  Mystifying, this technology.

DSC

I’ll keep it brief, as there is a day of football to be watched. Just give you all some personal observations.

It seems to me that Spurs have squandered millions on good players, united them with a dim homegrown core and have created an underwhelming team. The magic went to Madrid… leaving a meandering bunch. Capable players in their own right, but lacking the unpredictability a team needs at the top level

Sometimes you get the feeling that the homegrown players at Spurs all have to share the same brain. I call it the Spurs brain Between Five Rule. Where at one given time, only one of them can have the brain. Against Benfica it was the turn of Dawson, who used the opportunity to attend a seminar on cephalopods at Imperial College – he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Meanwhile Soldado walks the field with a look of permanent frustration.

Has a pleasing ring, doesn’t it? If I were to write an Epic Poem about the Spurs – which hopefully I won’t – between each stanza I’d include that phrase.

Dembele is one of those odd players that the more you observe, the worse they seem to get. Watch him for 5 minutes and you’ll see a classy player. Any longer however, and you’ll realise he is a trick with no punch line. Everything looks convincing to the point where he could actually affect a game…

Meanwhile Soldado walks the field with a look of permanent frustration.

Lloris is sharp off his line, but against Benfica he had an uncharacteristic sketchiness… might that dissuade him from being so proactive today?  Wishful thinking perhaps…

Lennon is his own worst enemy: In fact, this season, Lennon has won the ball 27 times outright against Aaron Lennon.

Meanwhile Soldado walks the field with a look of permanent frustration.

A motivated Adebayor is the only thing that worries me today. Well, that and Michael Dawson being injured.

The team?

Wojciech

           Sagna                 Mert                  Koz             Monreal/Gibbs

                                       Flamini              Arteta

                    Rosicky           Chamberlain         Cazorla       

                                                 Giroud

Monreal is available, but Gibbs is still a doubt. Sanogo returns to the squad.

Meanwhile Soldado walks the field with a look of permanent frustration.

Off to drink beer and watch football…

 

 

33 comments to Untold creates the agenda and the papers follow. Mystifying eh?

  • Yassin

    Hahahhahahahahaga
    Posting the preview after the match, I bet Brickfield cant post more hilarious thing. Best Post Ever. Hahahahahahagavavvavava
    That is why I love Untold, this bit of fun with football is what makes this site brilliant.
    Imagine I even read the whole preview although I watched the whole match.

  • Hissy Fitt

    ha ha ha YASSIN…funny. not

  • OlegYch

    great preview, mate

  • Macduff

    Untold creates the agenda, that’s completely untrue, the question is being asked for years now. Here is one from 2011

    http://arseblog.com/2011/10/why-we-have-so-many-injuries/

  • Arvind

    Its true – I read it too Yassin.. and why not : )

  • OMGArsenal

    Oh Pissy Fit…..relax and enjoy another AFC victory in the Derby and a renewal of our title hopes once again. We each have a different sense of humour and yours seems deeply embedded in your bowels.

  • Gord

    Thanks for the post preview.

    Just think, the next one is for Wenger’s 1000’th game at Arsenal, or so goes the news organizations.

  • Pat

    Reading this after the match, I think it’s a pretty good description of how Spurs played. Lots of effort but not much outcome. Poor old Soldado!

    After Rosicky’s wonder goal we were determined to win, not to draw and not to lose. A great performance!

  • Mandy Dodd

    Just really strange to see them playing a long ball game when they have the likes of eriksen ,guess they must have read something into the Stoke game?

  • Micheal Ram

    They wanted to play long putts and hard tackles like Stoke. Im sure they pissed in their pants and chicken out after Sagna destroyed Rose. Time for plan B. Just lose the game. Haha

  • Macduff, yes, many others have written about injuries before, but my point was meant to be that we are creating the agenda today in which we talk about the cause of the injuries being the way referees behave.

    Untold did create the referee reviews and now the referee previews, and it is out of this that the new series on injuries has come.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Nice ,DSC , very nice .
    You have given me an idea for a Hollywood ( or Bollywood) movie script , where the maimed ( sorry , I think that should be ,main )characters are transported ( transferred ) to a bleak and desolate place ,where the sun beats mercilessly upon its White Heartless Lanes .
    Once it was a thriving community where it was once famous worldwide for its cup winning Irish Blanchflower .Then their rooster -on- the- ball was symbolic of all that was fine and good .
    Today that rooster is flightless ,blind, bland ,slighted , often carved ,cooked and served with blighted spuds and a dash of humour at the Widmerpool restaurant at UA ! And it has been regularly used as cannon fodder by the Gunners of the nearby Arsenal, especially on derby and St.Totteringham’s Day celebrations!

    It all went bad when through a succession of bad management ,poor judgement and the legendary curse of “The Seven Sisters Road “, which made all that ventured there into listless , zombie like mindless morons , often called Spudniks .

    We will learn of Hoddle and Waddle ,’Arry & Rosie , the bumbling AVB , of Guzzling Gazza , of shady American owner from offshore Fantasy Island, among a cast of millions !David of Levy has a big role in all this !
    Their ways are strange , pelting opponents with coins , striping and selling their assets of Welsh wool by the Baleful to the fools of Real Mad in Spain( there’s a potential nursery rhyme here !) while buying cheap knock off products from elsewhere . All the while convincing their sheep shagging supporters that these are the real deal – like Bitcoins ( they should be throwing these instead !).
    Once my script is ready , I send it to UA for further garnishing ,proof reading , additions and to get your feedback .If you think this could be made into a book ,send your suggestions to ,”Jiving Tony “@ Untold Arsenal .
    The regular jokes will be on when I get home !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    What’s The Nail For?

    Penny, a blonde city girl, marries a Yorkshire dairy farmer.

    One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Penny, ‘The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow’s stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?’

    So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

    After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

    Penny takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, ‘This is the one…right here.’

    Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,

    ‘Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?’

    ‘That’s simple; by the nail over its stall’, Penny explains very confidently.

    Then the man asks, ‘What’s the nail for?’

    She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ……

    ‘I assume it’s to hang your trousers on.’

  • rantetta

    Brickfields

    Excellent.

    Do it?

  • rantetta

    Do it!

    (It’s not a question, it’s a Demand.

    Please.

  • Kenneth Widmerpool

    If you do it Bricks its “all you can eat” for free at my restaurant!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Ok, guys , I’ll try ,but in the meantime can you add on to this poem I started , which we shall call “St.Totteringham’s Day Forever “.

    This is a tale of woe be told ,
    with glee , on these pages of Untold .
    Of a club once lofty , mighty and proud ,
    now fallen ,’cause of folly ,foolishness and fraud .

    The Rooster once crowed with pride to all ,
    now misshapened , bowed, bent and no longer tall.
    Heeded not wisdom’s advice nor the clarion’s call,
    Tottenham Hotspur ,to the Arsenal’s great cannon you fall.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Please use WHL 1971 , 0-1 ,among others !
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdALY2fLvq4
    And the 5-1 wins !

  • Menace

    @Brickfield

    This is a tale of woe be told ,
    with glee , on these pages of Untold .
    Of a club once lofty , mighty and proud ,
    now fallen ,’cause of folly ,foolishness and fraud .

    The Rooster once crowed with pride to all ,
    now misshapened , bowed, bent and no longer tall.
    Heeded not wisdom’s advice nor the clarion’s call,
    Tottenham Hotspur, to the Arsenal’s great cannon you fall.

    The history and glory always wanting a one
    met up with Untold spinning a yarn
    Of a little Czeck who just ran for fun
    Squeezed on his trigger, shot from his gun

    The Rooster now crowed and dropped a splodge!
    On the stadium full with boys from the lodge
    The smell is familiar as it dries in the sun
    Its Tottenham Nil and Arsenal One.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Menace – nice ,it hit the sweet spot !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    AND IT GOES ON AND ON …..

    This is a tale of woe be told ,
    with glee , on these pages of Untold .
    Of a club once lofty , mighty and proud ,
    now fallen ,’cause of folly ,foolishness and fraud .

    The Rooster once crowed with pride to all ,
    now misshapened , bowed, bent and no longer tall.
    Heeded not wisdom’s advice nor the clarion’s call,
    Tottenham Hotspur, to the Arsenal’s great cannon you fall.

    The history and glory always wanting a one
    met up with Untold spinning a yarn
    Of a little Czeck who just ran for fun
    Squeezed on his trigger, shot from his gun

    The Rooster now crowed and dropped a splodge!
    On the stadium full with boys from the lodge
    The smell is familiar as it dries in the sun
    Its Tottenham Nil and Arsenal One.

    With trepidation and disbelief were we ,
    when heard the name of the official to be .
    Mike Dean it was ,our most biased and hated referee ,
    Again ,do we detect the hidden hands of Riley ?

    Surprise , surprise against the norm he went ,
    fair was he ; flummoxed were we ;has his hatred spent ?
    Was it repentance ? Contriteness ? Remorse or penitence ?
    Probably all of the above in this,the holy month of Lent!

  • Menace

    There’s more!

    This is a tale of woe be told ,
    with glee , on these pages of Untold .
    Of a club once lofty , mighty and proud ,
    now fallen ,’cause of folly ,foolishness and fraud .

    The Rooster once crowed with pride to all ,
    now misshapened , bowed, bent and no longer tall.
    Heeded not wisdom’s advice nor the clarion’s call,
    Tottenham Hotspur, to the Arsenal’s great cannon you fall.

    The history and glory always wanting a one
    met up with Untold spinning a yarn
    Of a little Czeck who just ran for fun
    Squeezed on his trigger, shot from his gun

    The Rooster now crowed and dropped a splodge!
    On the stadium full with boys from the lodge
    The smell is familiar as it dries in the sun
    Its Tottenham Nil and Arsenal One.

    With trepidation and disbelief were we ,
    when heard the name of the official to be .
    Mike Dean it was ,our most biased and hated referee ,
    Again ,do we detect the hidden hands of Riley ?

    Surprise , surprise against the norm he went ,
    fair was he ; flummoxed were we ;has his hatred spent ?
    Was it repentance ? Contriteness ? Remorse or penitence ?
    Probably all of the above in this,the holy month of Lent!

    While Dean was submissive to spoilt reality
    His collegues were carding the Mancs quite freely
    Sturridge flew past as Vidic saw red,
    No touch but impressive the lesson Young read,
    A dive wins a favour from PGMOL he said,
    And sends Moyes in tears like a baby to bed.

    Mourinho was verbal with whimper not sound
    As Ramires stomped limb and not the ground
    More reds! no ones counting the’re not Wengers! How bad!
    It’s a fable not Real just media blight
    Liverpool will win it say the cheats for tonight.

    ‘Tis a shame that Fergie got Rodgered this night
    Officials absconding, 3 pens what a fright
    Is history changing with Russian decadence
    Oh dear! ’tis Roman in an Ambulance.

  • Menace

    …..and the coins they come flying from Spuds all around

  • Brickfields Gunners

    …and the coins they come flying from Spuds all around ,
    to loud, loathsome and mocking strains of familiar sound,
    ABBA ‘s “Money , money , money …” it went around,
    as we their defence gleefully again and again verily pound !
    Pound for pound , penny for penny ,wanting they were found !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    “Spend some fucking money ” the AAAA earlier shouted boldly .
    Give us something shiny ,glittering ,silvery and goldly .
    Buy ! Buy ! Buy ! Give us someone famous and outworldly .
    As Arsene stared ahead ,impassive ,knowingly and hands all afoldy .
    Hope your discarded season tickets and scarves have become moldy !

  • WalterBroeckx

    Holy cow that was some poetry 🙂 🙂

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Holy cow that was some poetry , 🙂 🙂
    Did Walter Broeckx of Untold Arsenal cry
    Let not these loverly passages with time slowly die ,
    For though tonight with mucho glasses of wine I burp and sigh ,
    rest assured ,tomorrow I ‘ll again arise anew surely try!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Sorry should be…. anew and surely try ! Where the hell is Menace – my partner in crime ? You move methinks .

    Tony ,does Untold Arsenal have a poetry section ? No !
    Well it ought to ! Lose not these passages to the ravages of time , improper rhyme or those AAAA slime.

    William Shakespeare (1564–1616). The Tragedy of Macbeth. Act II Scene III
    From http://www.bartleby.com/46/4/23.html

    Macduff : “What things does drink especially provoke?”
    Porter : “Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
    it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance; therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.”

    What the fuck are this lot smoking ?

  • Menace

    Moo said the Broeckx 🙂 :), Power cuts stopped the looks,
    but replays show PGMOL hit the floor,
    The kicks rained on our boys. The boots told the tale,
    Dean saw all, chose some, officials for sale
    Our medics work hader than most in the game
    In spite of all this some are still lame.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Ah , Menace ,me old friend ,there you be ,
    Simitar’s wild swing and rapier’s fine thrust equally you parry .
    Bravo ! Well done ! Jousting this day was merry ,
    fine words written and shared with joy uttered by many ,
    on to the morrow will we this poem still carry .

  • Menace

    My friend it is late where my meal is fish curry,
    My drink is from cashew we call it fenny,
    The morrow is nigh and the game’s by n’ by
    Where Campbell our lad plays with Greek boys,
    To surprise the old Scot by the name of Moyes

  • Brickfields Gunners

    In Calangute ,Goa , cashew fenny through my lips crossed ,
    though it was not as palatable and enticing as beers, alas.
    Burned the guts and many a ‘heaty’ stool were passed ,
    left a deep impression in mind and in arse !

    Beware of Greeks bearing gifts they oft say ,
    but hope was eternal that ManUre they slay ,
    alas ,alas , it was to no ! Nien !Nada !Nyet ! Nay !
    That pussy RVP will be up for a bumper rise in pay !

  • Kenneth Widmerpool

    Just digging around with laughter in the poetry section at the St. Totteringhams-day poem-
    “St.Totteringhams day forever”, and thought it needed exhuming. Brickfields and Menace bloody brilliant!!! ….would love to see it in a completed form and posted every St.T’s day at Untold.
    COYG!Aha and Amen.