Foresoothe tis the eastern quarter away. Gadzukes

Posted on by Tony Attwood

By Bulldog Drummond

Taking his lead from the invidious aaa and their allies within mediaeval journalism (I rather like that phrase) the Rather Large Sam speaks.  Arsenal are weak and so can be exploited.  West Ham, quoth he, are going for Europe – and indeed Europe quakes.

A goodly length in times past Europe quaked for we all remember.  September 2006.  The Daily Mail, tribune of the fanatical far right “no foreigners shall pass”, was not at its succinctest with “West Ham mafia jibe t-shirts spark Sicilian riot” and verily this was not the sharpest tabloid headline, but it made the point.

“I’ve had harder walnuts” was the headline on one of the Inter City Firm’s websites.

So Europe quakes at the impending arrival of the eastern gathering descending on Europe, and Arsenal must do their duty to try to restrain a repeat.

Of course I jest; the number of West Ham supporters involved in the fracas with our Italian chums was small, and only a tiny minority would ever be silly enough to wear such unfashionable outfits, but although the fighting wasn’t amusing, the concept was one to make one chuckle.

Alex Song will probably be back – the man who went from being not fit to wear the shirt at Arsenal having been bought for £1,1000,000 from Bastia, and then being sold to Barcelona for £22,000,000 before being loaned back by Barcelona to WHU.  Recent rumours on TransferMarket have him going back to us, or to Man U, or to Tottenham, or to PSG, or to WHU on a permanent deal.

Mr Wenger sayeth unto the scribblers of the mediaeval whatnot, “I brought Alex Song here at the age of 17 and kept him despite all the opinions that were against him.  You don’t need to convince me that he’s a good player — he was a very good player when he was here. But you can always improve as long as you play and he didn’t play a lot in Spain.”

Which I think means, “he was good when he went, but Barce screwed him up like they always do, and now he’s playing in the east again, so he’s improved a bit.”

Fat Sam spake thus: “We have to bounce back from the Chelsea loss and I am relying on the home form that we have shown over the last seven games to be there in abundance.  The last seven home games have been six wins and one draw, so it shows the type of form we are in at Upton Park. We have turned it into a real fortress again and I hope that is going to be the case against Arsenal.   You have to get at them.”

Portly Samuel is the sort of manager who could be lined up to run Arsenal if the aaa were ever to force Mr Wenger out (his – the Greater S – contract with WHU runs out at the end of this season), although the lure of a state financed stadium in 2016 might keep Enlarged Sammy-boy where he is.

Showing his honesty, Mr Allerdyce does admit that the donation of state money to West Ham has helped them a lot.  “The fact we don’t have to pay £450m for our new stadium is the best bit of business ever done in football by a set of owners.   I don’t think there is any bit of business that has ever been as good as what David Gold and David Sullivan have done acquiring the Olympic Stadium.”

And I think in terms of WHU we’d probably all agree.  As British tax payers most of us are crying at the flagrant breach of EU directives on state funding, and can only hope that when then Uefa case over the Real Mad land deal is finished, they will turn their attention to the state funding of West Ham’s ground, but this is Uefa… so who knows.

Actually The Large One did say some nice things about Mr Wenger, as in, “Wenger [Mr Wenger to you Sammy,] has been manager, accounting and financial director, there’s no doubt about that. The man set out a fantastic team before they decided to move and then built a couple of brilliant young teams despite the fact the same amount of finance didn’t appear to be available to him.

“Now he has almost got the Emirates paid off, hasn’t he? That’s his achievement and it is a massive factor considering it was a huge investment for them. But I don’t think he lives on that. I think Wenger [I’ve told you All Dyce its Mr Wenger] believes he can win every trophy he plays in, he can win the league with the team he has got.”

We’ve won six of the last seven at the Boleyn Ground, (named I believe after the Marquess of Pembroke) and have lost one of our last eight matches.  The fact that this led to the abuse against Mr Wenger, and it was this that was largely reported, rather than our results, gives a measure of just how strong mediaeval tendencies in the printing presses are these days.

For this visit to the far east we shall with its memories of a bygone era, and one should speak in the right way, as in “Where is the privvy?”  To journalists one says, “Make thy leave, sirrah”.

By my troth we shall be without Giroud but we might have Laurent Koscielny again which would be good.   But the chances are slim, and even slimmer for Oxlade Chamberlain.

Yet I fancy the secret weapon of the Arsenal will be unveiled.  And lo! verily! he is called Theo.

As for the rest, it is the same old same old same old: Aaron Ramsey (hamstring), Mikel Arteta (calf), Mesut Özil (knee), Abou Diaby (calf), Jack Wilshere (ankle) and Serge Gnabry (knee).

And that really tells the story.  WHU have James Tomkins injured. And that’s about it.  Six good men out for sure, two seriously doubtful and one ready-ish to return after a year out.

Yet despite the assaults upon us, we have scored at least three times in each of the last five against the easterners.  And West Ham have not beaten us since 2006/7.  But the knaves from the eastern quarter have won six of their last seven league home games, and have only let in three goals.  Indeed the tricky fellas have not been beaten in the far east since August, when the weather was hot.

But these days we usually score (except against Chelsea) although we have a bit of a habit of letting in away goals before half time – if you just look at the last two games.

So it is interestingly instead of praising and enjoying the work of Alexis Sanchez the mediaeval media is now focussed on “where would Arsenal be without him?” which is a pretty simplistic way of seeing the world.

Only Ian Wright scored his first 10 top league goals in a shorter time than Alexis.  He took 14 games, Alexis 17.  So I expect tomorrow’s papers to start reprinting the league tables of the Graham era with all the Wright goals taken out – thus leaving us without any of those trophies.  That makes the same sort of sense.

Thus we proceed verily…

Szczesny;

Debuchy, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs;

Flamini;

Rosicky, Cazorla;

Walcott, Welbeck, Sanchez

Forsooth say I.  Fare thee well.

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102 Replies to “Foresoothe tis the eastern quarter away. Gadzukes”

  2. With Spuds and Manure failing to trouble the score lines, three points this afternoon are definitely required.

    COYG

  3. Sports Mole lists the starting 11 as:

    Szczesny, Debuchy, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal, Flamini, Coquelin, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Cazorla, Alexis, Welbeck

    It’s nice to see Koscielny back, hopefully this is until the end of the season.

    —

    The Guardian is pretty pro-ManU. Would you expect this comment with 3 minutes of regular time left?

    > 1.45pm 13:45 87 min: Manchester United are hanging on here, as the superior fitness of Tottenham’s players begins to show. Wayne Rooney wrestles Harry Kane to the ground in the Manchester United penalty area as another dead ball is floated in. That should have been a penalty for Spurs.

    I just looked at SpaceWeather dot com, and there doesn’t seem to be anything strange happening in the heavens. The Guardian, clearly stating that a penalty should have been given against ManU? But, if a similar situation happens in our game a little later today, they will probably not say a thing.

    —

    Well, I enjoyed the ManU-Spurs tie result, and I think another tie between Southampton and Chelsea would be nice. I think Walter would rather see Chelsea lose. I would imagine Chelsea will be parking the bus.

    —

    It seems the end of this game day (which ends tomorrow) marks a change in yellow card discipline. Those on 4 cards need not fear being unable to play if they get that fifth card after this set of games.

    COYG!

  4. Amen Bulldog, Gord and Andrew!

    Have to say Rooney applying some Judo holds on Harry Kane in the box – was happy that it wasn’t called…

    It seems that, after a period of not-getting-so-much-help, ManU are back to their “lucky” self !

    (hats off to Mandy who predicted this about 6-7 months ago).

  11. Saying the players standing in front of the keeper were not interfering and teh goal should have stood and rather than applauding the lino for getting it right, Gale is slaughtering him for it.

  14. ref just invent rules on a field….
    nice..
    coquelin win the ball didn’t do anything wrong… ball went to whu… and ref is whistle…

  47. Again, we are second to every fucking ball. why are we sop slow, we hardly ever win second ball. Something in training?

  50. Alexis gets a yellow for not giving 10 yards? Did the ref warn him, and 20 milliseconds later card him?

    COYG!

  59. Yes there is, we are soft when the ball is in the air and we are soft when the ball is bouncing. We lose second ball over 80% of the time. The old arsenal never did. We need some warriors in the team.

  63. We must be more measured when shooting at goal. We are getting the chances despite the fouls.

  68. Two Arsenal against one Hammer and the Hammer comes away with the ball. We are soft and that is why we fail in the league.

    Seaman / Lehmann
    Adams, Keown, Campbell
    Vieira, Gilberto, Petit, Parlour
    Bergkamp, wright

    All warriors who could mix it, who do we have in this team? Sanchez?

  73. Hahahahahahahaha

    Soft. Seriously.

    Tell me another team that can survive with this many first teamers out injured

  80. So, you are saying I have to Will
    please go find some place somewhere else to cry

    Yet, I have been all over the country following this team since 1974 but your opinion is better than mine?

    You’re a bit of a numpty.

  81. Hahahahahahahaha

    This gale man is shit at time keeping.

    He says Danny took 2 minutes to get out. So did ox.

  90. How to go Gunners!

    —

    Moaninho paid for a penalty today, and didn’t get one.

    > Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho said the decision not to award his side a penalty during their 1-1 draw with Southampton was a “scandal”.

    —

    Burnley tie it up against ManCity, ends 2-2.

    —

    Criminal defending cost QPR against Arsenal. And the game between QPR and CP? Ends 0-0. Are you sure about that ‘Arry?

  91. Phew again.
    I suppose our defence needs some practice, this is (probably)why AW goes defensive in the last 5-10 mins, but it is nerve wracking for us.
    Heard the crowd shouting for Theo, Theo, Theo.

  92. Alex, stop being a cunt. By your reactions to my posts, Iam guessing you are 14.

    Phew, that was a good old fashioned match. Have to say well done to the West Ham fans who made it a bear pit. Wenger needs to sign some warriors for this team, we are too soft, easily knocked off the ball, lightweight in the air and extremely poor for second ball. Yes, we have some lovely players who can knock it around but, when the boots are flying and the ball is bouncing, we usually come off second best.

  93. Will
    stop being old moran with stupid reason for being right

    don’t waist your time on me.
    wont read you crying bullshit eva

  96. Disgusting refereeing, this is not acceptable.

    I cant believe we won and still am angry. What was all that fouls coming from? 5min? Why the Ox was not given a penalty?

  97. Will,

    You were crapping your pants whining when Alex was trying to support the team. You kept talking about the “tough” Arsenal of old like the rest of us only started following the club yesterday. You lost the argument the moment you bragged about being in Highbury in 1974. No one gives a shite how long you’ve been following Arsenal. You don’t show your Gooner pedigree by bad-mouthing our CURRENT team as they fought for a difficult win against one of the few form teams in the league.

    West Ham have won last 6 of their seven home games drawing the 7th. They have beaten Liverpool and Man City along the way. How come none of these ‘stronger’ teamswere able to do what ‘soft’ Arsenal just did? You also seem to be oblivious of the series super-soft free kicks that the ref awarded West Ham in the dying minutes. Just imagine how bad it would have been if we were ‘strong’ as you wanted.

    I have always thought it is a bad idea to post comments while watching games. People get too emotional during this time and it is best to post supportive comments during half time and summative comments after the final whistle.

  98. ARSENAL13 – your’re right about Tony Gale he is a thicko footballer who doesn’t like IT up him!!

    The Arsenal victory will piss many of the media and Riley’s crows.

  99. Will,

    BTW, you posted this:

    “Alex, stop being a cunt. By your reactions to my posts, Iam guessing you are 14.”

    In response to Alex asking you to go cry somewhere else. You are the first to start name calling here and the only one who sounds like a teenager who has just learnt a new offensive word.

  100. Bootoomee – posts during the match keep some of us entertained like we are in the same pub. So either drink with us during the match or we’ll keep your on tap.

    Can the Arsenal win the League? the odds are going to drop dramatically from 94/1 on 22 Dec. to 69/1 now to probably 30/1 if we keep winning games.

  101. Well Southampton were robbed of their predicted victory, Burnley gave us the surprise & Arsenal won against the Hammers (Irons).

    Not bad for end of year results.

  102. Yassin – we should be thankful we got one penalty. There were some wonderfully imagined fouls toward the end – I suppose the crow Swarbrick needed to keep king crow Riley satisfied.

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