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If all the spoofs say it’s a DONE DEAL that must mean it’s a DONE DEAL

By Sir Hardley Anyone

DONE DEAL: Arsenal COMPLETE Transfer of 6ft POWERHOUSE Striker

Actually no, that isn’t the done deal of the day.  That is just a contradiction of yesterday’s story that said that Podolski was determined to stay at Arsenal and fight for his place.

Arsenal, going into the summer transfer window are keen on bringing in nothing but the best; but then, they may also lose some of theirs with reports of Arsenal ace Lukas Podolski has decided to move away from Arsenal to join Turkish Galatasaray this summer.

According to reports making the rounds, Podolski has agreed terms to make the swap to Galatasaray this summer. Podolski who spent last season on-loan spell to Inter Milan due to lack of first team start at Arsenal.

‘I have agreed with Galatasaray,’ he reported to have said.

I quite like that one because they don’t even bother to quote the Daily Excess.  It is just doing the rounds.  I also like the quote at the end.  “That sums it all up,” as they used to say.

So, you may ask, where is the BIG ONE on which all the spoofs agree?  Well, here it is.

BREAKING NEWS: Expert FINALLY CONFIRM Amazing DM Will Join Arsenal

Arsenal’s hope of finally securing the services of long-time target have been boosted with fresh claims by The Sun’s Journalist.

According to the Metro, Arsenal are set to complete the signing of Southampton’s Morgan Schneiderlin.

That story is popping up everywhere although I am not at all clear which of these sources is “the expert”.  I think we should be told.

Even where there are about six sites all owned by the same young lad with a mum shouting “are you still on that bloody computer?” they are all running the same story.  Which means either it is true (now that would be a thing and a half) or else his software is stuck and is just churning out the same idea over and over and over and ….

(NOT Cech) 26 year-old Record-breaker FINALLY CONFIRMS Arsenal Transfer

Of course not everyone is playing the Southampton’s Morgan Schneiderlin story.  Some have run it so often that even they know they are losing readers.  So we have this…

Arsenal are set to be rocked this transfer window with news of last summer signing set to exit the club.   Ospina could walk out the Emirates Stadium door this summer.

According to reports in Turkey, Arsenal have agreed to sell goalkeeper David Ospina to Fenerbahce for £3.9 million.

It is not exactly news is it?  Besides it comes from the Daily Mail who tend not only to have a grip on reality that is tenuous in the extreme, but also do get a little bit behind the times.

The Daily Mail yesterday reported [told you so] that Arsenal have completed the signing of Chelsea veteran Petr Cech, placing the future of both Ospina and Wojciech Szczesny in huge doubts.

And now, it seems Ospina is actually set to leave Arsenal less than a year after he joined, in which he broke a record at the club, with the 26-year-old confirming that his agent is currently in talks with Turkish side Fenerbahce.

Boring!

FINALLY, Arsenal CLEARED To COMPLETE The Signing Of £150,000-a-week Star

I am not running all the stories about a certain transfer from Southampton because basically  they all say the same thing but with different headlines.  So here is one of the few variants still on offer today.

Arsenal have been handed a major transfer boost to land vital summer target.

The Gunners can now swoop in for long time target Karim Benzema.

According to popular Spanish media outlet AS, Arsenal have been cleared to complete the transfer of Real Madrid star striker Benzema.

The problem is that we have heard that one quite a bit too, but it currently doesn’t have the frenzied frenzy of frantic something starting with f.

Here is a variation though…

MASSIVE! Arsenal To BREAK THE BANK For 10 Goals in 11 Games Hitman

Arsenal have reportedly joined the race for one of Premier League’s breakthrough stars.

West Broms’s striker Saido Berahino has been linked with a move to Arsenal.

But the Gunner’s will do battle with Manchester City, Liverpool and Newcastle for the signature of the England U21 international, according to the Daily Star.

Occasionally however you do get a spoof writer who hasn’t quite got the style yet….

Report: Arsenal best placed to sign Pione Sisto

I mean to say telling us the name of the player in the headline isn’t really what it is all about is it?  That isn’t a spoof at all.

Arsenal are leading the race to sign Midtjylland starlet Pione Sisto, who won the Danish League’s Player of the Year in 2014, according to the Daily Express.

Sisto, who is currently representing Denmark in the Under-21s’ European Championships, won the Superliga’s Player of the Year award for 2014 after impressing for his club, Midtjylland.

Isn’t it interesting how increasingly it is the Excess that is becoming the source of all the gibberish.  Except maybe one story is not gibberish.  I mean I am not saying it is true or anything but everyone and everyone else is just saying Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin Schneiderlin which in the end is a bit repetitive.

Don’t you think?

 

12 comments to If all the spoofs say it’s a DONE DEAL that must mean it’s a DONE DEAL

  • Delford Magaya

    We are tired of reading about rumors everyday, what we are waiting is for the opening of transfers of players.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Sir Anyone, you certainly make the transfer window finally a pleasant window. 😉

  • WalterBroeckx

    Talking about transfer rumours. One that has been said in Belgium and France is that Arsenal has made a 12M bid for Charly Musonda Junior.
    Musonda who is 18 was considered to be one of the biggest prospects in Belgian football. But then he or his entourage decided to throw his talent away and join Chelsea at the age of 16. How stupid can you be? Well he or his entourage are even more stupid than stupid. What on earth was their thinking to hope that a youth player could make the break through at Chelsea? You must be daft. or stupid. or insane. Or all of that at the same time.
    Of course now Musonda wants to make it to the first team as he wants to play for Belgium in the European championship next summer. But to make the team of the red devils he has to play in the first team somewhere. But of course the chance this will happen at Chelsea is on a scale from 0 to 100 around minus 2016.

    Now he wants out and Chelsea considers to let him go and could be persuaded to even selling him.

    Do we really want such a stupid kid at Arsenal? A player mostly interested in money I think as I can imagine that Chelsea will have offered a lot more money at first than Arsenal was prepared to pay him.

    But then again, we all did stupid things when being 16 so he probably will have learned his lesson.

    Anyway this is just another rumour I suppose but one that is doing the rounds over here.

  • blacksheep63

    I;ve heard a rumour that we are in for a young Greek starlet, Agno̱stos Epithetikós, currently with Panathaniakos. Watch this space…

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Why are so many players apparently headed to Turkey ? Other than for their beautiful women and sexy belly dancers ; their famed spas and massages ;their relics and historical sites ; some for their famed prisons ( as one poster boasted some time ago!) ; well , it is because of their food !
    Their breakfasts actually . The put out a spread fit for a king . Have a look –
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An1_esq5Blw

  • Mick

    It seems Liverpool haven’t learnt their ‘danger of multiple signings’ lesson from last year. Five new Anfield faces so far with a sixth (Clyne) on the way, Rodgers appears to favour the scatter gun, buy everything that moves approach to building a team as opposed to Wengers more measured way of doing things.

  • para

    Rumours are that Jack is going to ManC as he named three of city’s players hart, sagna and nasri in his Ultimate XI. 🙂

  • WalterBroeckx

    Then he might go to Chelsea also Para as he also mentioned Cesc I think…. 🙂

  • para

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPy1rZL0lXU

    Our lads singing and playing instruments.
    Have a laugh if you have not seen it.

  • Kenneth Widmerpool

    …lets hope Jack wont go to the Spuds, he recently mentioned them a few times too!!

  • Menace

    Rodgers is not an economist. He is a qualified dunce. He went on the same coaching course with Martinez & Laudrup but seems to have learnt very little. Buying all the players so far has created a poor morale in the current team as they think they are going to get replaced. 3 games in & it will probably be goodbye Mr Rodgers.

  • Pete

    Why would Schneiderlin join Arsenal to sit on the bench? Ridiculous. Anyway, all the reports I read had him going to MU… who probably need him more than we do.