By Dr Billy “the dog” McGraw
In an attempt to be more inclusive Untold and to meet the new government equality of coverage opportunities, as the blog’s resident psychologist I have been asked to offer a review of the Bournemouth game written for card carrying members of the aaa and other perpetual negativists.
For the opinion aaa
Cech was shit, Bellerin was shit, Gabriel was shit, Koscielny was shit, Monreal was shit, Flamini was shit, Ramsey was shit, Oxlade-Chamberlain was shit, Ozil – the jury is still out, Alexis has lost it, Giroud was shit.
On the beach : Gibbs was shit, Coquelin was shit, Walcott has completely lost it and did nothing after he came on.
For the statistical aaa
- Arsenal has had one defeat in the last seven and so are shit.
- Leicester has had one defeat in the last eight and so are not shit.
- Arsenal has had three draws in the last seven and so are shit.
- Leicester has had three draws in the last seven and so are not shit.
For the belief aaa
I believe Cech was shit, I believe Bellerin was shit, I believe Gabriel was shit, I believe Koscielny was shit, I believe Monreal was shit, I believe Flamini was shit, I believe Ramsey was shit, I believe Oxlade-Chamberlain was shit, I believe that with Ozil the jury is still out, I believe Alexis has lost it, I believe Giroud was shit.
For the “if we can’t beat” aaa
If we can’t beat West Ham we’re shit. If we can’t beat Chelsea we’re shit. If we can’t beat WBA we’re shit. If we can’t beat Southampton we’re shit. If we can’t beat Chelsea again we’re shit.
For the “where we are in the league table” aaa
- We’re five points behind Leicester so we’re shit.
- We’ve got the same points as the Tiny Totts so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got one point more than the Arab and Chinese Joint Venture Company to take over world football so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got seven points more than Manchester Untidy so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got eight points more than another club that had its ground built for it by the state so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got 11 points more than Southampton so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got 13 points more than Everton so we’re shit.
- We’ve only got 13 points more than the amazing almighty Liverpool! so we’re shit and you have to remember that Liverpool! won the league 25 years ago.
Oh yes and we have only got 18 points more than Chelsea and so quite clearly should have changed our manager earlier in the season and followed the Chelsea model.
I think that just about covers it.
Two anniversaries from today’s list
7 February 2004: Wolverhampton 1 Arsenal 3. The 24th league game of the unbeaten season. The game beat the club unbeaten record set by George Graham’s team of 1990–91. Rick Broadbent in the Times said, “The truth is it is a privilege to watch new Arsenal. They are Prozac for those used to the prosaic.”
7 February 2013: Benik Afobe loaned to Millwall but got injured. After a number of loan spells, including a very successful run at MK Dons in 2014 he signed for Wolverhampton in 2015.
The Untold Books
The latest Untold book is Arsenal: The Long Sleep 1953-1970 with an introduction by Bob Wilson, available both as a paperback and as a Kindle book from Amazon. Details of this and our other titles can be found at Arsenal Books on this site.