That story started out in the Star, was picked up by the laughable “Byfarthegreatestteam” and since then has popped up in all sorts of unsavoury places.
Arsene Wenger is chasing goals scoring powerhouse, Robert Lewandowski. The Polish striker has gone from strength to strength following a free transfer from Borussia Dortmund to fierce rivals Bayern Munich in January 2014.
And is he going. In France Football he is reported as saying, “Maybe I’ll play in England or Spain one day. I don’t know what my future will look like but at the moment I’m happy at Bayern.”
The other man on the imaginary horizon is “£20 million Julian Weigl who currently plays for Borussia Dortmund. The midfielder has been in fine form in recent months and Wenger will be looking to add him as his style of play has led to comparisons to Sergio Busquets.”
Which raises the question which will appear throughout this thesis: do we need any more midfielders?
But of course that is not all, because “Arsenal have been regularly scouting Holland striker Vincent Janssen, who has emerged this season with AZ Alkmaar as the most prolific forward in the Dutch Eredivisie.”
He scored 26 league goals this season but was previously released by Feyenoord.
After that we are mostly back to the stuff we have had before with Granit Xhaka getting full mentions for the sixth week running and Alvaro Morata of Juve also having a word of two written about him.
Reece Oxford, the State Aid Under-21s mega superduper wonderkid has come back onto the headlines, at least in the Sun, saying that Man U want him, but “face competition from Arsenal and Man C”. He’s the kid who turned up with State Aid at the start of the season..So we come onto the Independent’s Big List of transfers. I won’t go through all the one’s you’ve seen before. Here are the new names, at least new in the sense of this season’s must haves…
Goncalo Guedas (Benfica).
The ‘next Cristiano Ronaldo’, obviously. He’s the one Luis Boa Morte went scouting, but Chelsea and Manchester United are also interested although Chelsea’s lack of European football next year is causing them problems. (Did I mention that?)
Edinson Cavani (Paris Saint-Germain)
He has been mentioned for forever, but disappeared from the Arsenal radar for a while and someone somewhere got his agent’s friend to say he would like to come to England.
Adrien Rabiot (Paris Saint-Germain)
Rumour, Rumours Rumours. He’s midfield, is not liked at home because he asked for a move, and the usual list including Chelsea and Man U are interested. Did I mention Chelsea are not in the Champions League next season? [Stop it] £15m should be enough.
Grzegorz Krychowiak (Sevilla)
“Sevilla’s midfield destroyer” – ok but we have got Coquelin and have we really lost faith in him? £32m, is the price as he signed a new contract in November.
Ruben Neves (Porto)
Same issue: we have Francis Coquelin, Jack Wilshere Mo Elneny, and Aaron Ramsey so do we want to spend £30m on someone battling for his place? Oh and Santi Caz might get a game again next season.
Michy Batshuayi (Marseille)
He’s a striker, he’s 22 oh yes and Chelsea want him but the player is unimpressed as the latter won’t be in the… well you know. £35m is the trifling sum being asked. And he has recently signed a new deal. But hell what does that matter?
Jese Rodriguez (Real Mad)
If it is the transfer window we need to buy someone from Real Mad and this forward is a snip at £21m not least because Real Mad have financial issues and Karim Benzema, Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale all play in the team. (Except see below).
Rico Henry (Walsall)
And talking of the super big Real Mad what of Walsall. And yes that is the town in the Western Midlands. He is… wait for it… ‘the next Ashley Cole’. Here is what the Indy said about the left back position at Arsenal. “It’s no secret that Arsenal have struggled to convince at left-back since Gael Clichy left the club with Nacho Monreal and Kieran Gibbs both failing to lock down to position.”
So they’ve been watching a different Monreal from me.
Daniele Rugani (Juventus)
He has failed to make a single appearance in the league this season – so just imagine the fun the aaa will have if he comes. Arsenal and Manchester United are chasing him. Chelsea have given up.
Karim Benzema (Real Mad)
He’s involved in blackmail and various other nasty stuff. A lot depends on whether he is allowed out.
William Carvalho (Sporting Lisbon)
I still still still don’t believe that we want another midfielder having got Coquelin and Elneny. Especially not for a release clause of £37m in his contract.
Troy Deeney (Watford)
He’s their captain, he will cost £20m, and said he is not going anywhere. So that means he’s off.
Thus there we have it. Another load of names to add to the Great Transfer Index. There will be a new edition of the Index including all the names above, in a day or two. At this rate we are going to buy everyone.