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October 2016
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Apparently it wasn’t Vardy we were after at all. Here’s who we are actually getting…

By Sir Hardly Anyone.

Watching the responses of the bloggettas and the so-called professional journalists has been quite informative in the wake of the Vardy refusal to commit to Arsenal.  In essence they divide into four camps…

Camp 1:  Here’s Caught Offside’s take which sums up this position –  As if Jamie Vardy’s fence-riding the last few days wasn’t aggravating enough for Arsenal fans, now it seems Per Mertesacker is reconsidering his own football future at the Emirates as he pondered a potential return to his former Bundesliga outfit.

According to the Metro, the Arsenal centre-back recently “opened the door” for a potential return to Hannover 96, where he played from his academy days until a 2006 move to Werder Bremen.

Here’s more of the same type this from Football Fancast…

Arsene Wenger making such an outlandish effort to nab Jamie Vardy shows that the Arsenal manager is in a state of panic about his future at the club.

I love these pieces – the statement of an action that is actually a surmise and an interpretation (“outlandish effort”) leading to a conclusion about a person’s mental state (“state of panic”) without any justification or evidence anywhere.  As always such statements say far more about the mind of the writer than anything else.

Camp 2: Wenger’s meanness with money and Gazidis’ tardiness in doing the deal have resulted in Arsenal screwing up the transfer market yet again.  So here we go…

Arsenal’s proposed move for Jamie Vardy looks to be falling through and while Vardy himself is the obvious cause, Arsenal and Arsene Wenger must take their share of the blame.   It has long been a criticism of Arsenal and Arsene Wenger. Their uncertainty in the transfer market has led to them to naive, indecisive and wasteful when it comes to genuine pursuits of top quality players.

That comes from the aptly named Pain in the Arsenal.  And they are not alone for we also have…

Rivals could hijack Arsenal’s £20m deal – reports

Oh yawn yawn and yawn again say I, but in case you want to know… “According to the Daily Star, Liverpool are considering trying to hijack Arsenal’s proposed £20m deal to sign Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy this summer.”

And this is because Vardy doesn’t want to be away from his lady wife mid week with all those wretched Champions League games.

The other two lines don’t get covered in the national media nor the bloggettas because they all slavishly follow the standard two formats above, but it is clear in the commentaries that are around…

Camp 3: It wasn’t a real bid but a subterfuge – a phantom transfer while dealing elsewhere

Camp 4: It was a real bid, but if that is Vardy’s attitude we shouldn’t buy him.

What there isn’t much of is the notion that Arsenal should go all out to get Vardy.  Rather the dominant view seems to be that even if he suddenly decided to come to Arsenal, he’s actually not going to get that much of a welcome.

But never mind because meanwhile the bloggeettas and their sources among the public houses surrounding the newspaper offices have been working on their own versions.  And there is a growing consensus that Vardy or no Vardy the guy we were really about to sign is…. Henrikh Mkhitaryan after it was reported that Borussia Dortmund are willing to sell their star to Arsenal.

That’s in the Mirror who repeat earlier claims that Dortmund know Mkhitaryan does not want to sign a new contract.  Although others say he might go to Chelsea or Manchester United on the grounds that neither is in the Champions League.  No, hang on, that doesn’t look right…

Dortmund prefer to sell Mkhitaryan to Arsenal as they recognize it being player’s personal wish. Mkhitaryan admires the way Arsenal play their football and the 27-year old thinks he can improve even further by playing under Arsene Wenger.

(According to reports).

Mkhitaryan scored 23 goals and got  32 assists last season.  So Give us an M, give us a K, what’s that spell?   “Milton Keynes.”   OK the chant needs a bit of work doing on it, but you get the idea.   The Daily Mirror runs pretty much the same thing, but without the MK joke.

From the bloggetta zone Fresh Arsenal have

Deal Close: Arsenal Closing In On €30m Signing Of Elite Winger

But let’s got a story that really seems only to have turned up in one place: Football League World

It has emerged from an exclusive report by Football Insider that Arsenal are close to the signing of Bolton Wanderer’s starlet, Rob Holding.

They suggest £1.5 million plus add-ons for Bolton’s player of the year who is like Rob Holding and John Stones because of Holding’s footballing ability which is uncharacteristic of a centre-half.

What makes this story so unusual is that it seems to suggest that Arsenal actually beat other clubs to the signing…

Arsenal did face competition from Tottenham Hotspur, Everton and Bournemouth but the England Under 21 international was keen on a move to Arsenal if he was to leave Bolton Wanderers.

The Express has the same story with

Arsenal set to seal second summer signing: Gunners agree fee for defender


Arsenal submit £25m bid for Riyad Mahrez

According to latest rumours, (and there we were thinking it was all true) Arsenal have submitted a big money offer for the Leicester City winger Riyad Mahrez and he is open to joining Arsenal this summer.

That from soccerlens

But of course this is the transfer window that isn’t open even a little bit, so it must be time to find some players who will leave Arsenal.  We’ve had Mert making a move, so now we get Manchester “United could build a team around a fit Jack Wilshere, but right now I doubt Arsenal would sell him,” a Mr McQueen told Goal.   But “They let Robin van Persie go to United, so you never know.”

That’s all from squawka, who merely miss the fact that Jack’s lady friend was seen at the estate agents.

However, Arsenal are set to announce the signing of Nigerian midfielder Kelechi Nwakali this week, according to our old chum R E Ports.

The 18-year-old has been in discussions with Arsenal over a move from Diamond Football Academy to north London for several months.

And according to The Sun, Arsenal will confirm his arrival in the coming days.  The Mirror reported back in March that Nwakali had agreed to sign for Arsenal, but there had been no official announcement from the club, and that is now expected to materialise this week.

A fee of £3 million is said to have been agreed and he will join on a five-year contract.   But that’s the Daily Express for you.

But hey, we’ve only had two players leaving so far this session, so time for another…

Arsenal defender Calum Chambers is close to sealing a loan move to Watford. The versatile youngster, who was part of the England Under-21 side that reigned supreme at the Toulon Tournament, spent much of the season on the periphery of proceedings at Arsenal and would surely relish the opportunity to receive regular game-time with the Hornets. (Daily Mail)

Tell you what guys, if I ever start writing like that you have my permission to cart me away.

Second Arsenal striker deal collapses

Yes we’ve had the Vardy deal off, we are losing three players, so now it is time to really stir things up with an undone deal…

Arsenal’s deal to sign Nigerian youngster Samuel Chukwueze has collapsed.

The 16-year-old attacker was set for a move to the Emirates in January but no announcement was made and according to AllNigeriaSoccer, Arsenal and Diamond Academy were not able to agree a fee despite Chukwueze passing a medical.

“Arsenal wanted Chukwueze, even till tomorrow. The problem is that they could not agree with Diamond Academy,” a source involved in negotiations told

“Samuel has done his medical with Arsenal and he passed it. They wanted to give him a five-year deal, the academy is taking their time to study other offers,” reported the Express.

In other old news The Boot Room runs

Is it time for Arsenal to give up on this star amid West Ham links?

This is of course about Theo going to the Tax Payers Stadium to play for State Aid Utd.  He’s already denied it and said he’s staying at Arsenal.

And so, a little late but trying to catch up The Transfer Tavern, says according to ESPN, the former Southampton prodigy is ready to stay at the Emirates Stadium this summer DESPITE the strong interest in Vardy.

Sometimes however it really seems like people are not paying attention.  Soccer Souls this morning tells us

Wow! Arsenal Moves Closer To Complete The Most Amazing Tranfer

And before I begin, let me assure you that it is they not I who wrote Tranfer in the headline.  Here’s the story and it really has just appeared in the last day or so.

The Gunners are looking to strengthen their squad for the next season and as such Arsene Wenger is already busy planning for his squad for the next season.

The Gunners have already completed the deal to bring in midfielder Granit Xhaka, and are now waiting for the deal to bring in Jamie Vardy into the Emirates to come through. According to the reports from Squawka, the Gunners have agreed on personal terms with Vardy and his wage is fixed at £100,000-a-week, and his representatives are looking to complete the deal soon.

Late or what?

So there we have it.  There is one story that is cropping up over and over and over… that we are going to sign Henrikh Mkhitaryan.   You didn’t read it here first, I know, but we got there in the end.

Here’s his figures – from recent years – and they are rather good.

League Cup Europe Total
Season Club Pld Goals Pld Goals Pld Goals Pld Goals
2010–11 Shakhtar Donetsk 17 3 3 1 7 0 27 4
2011–12 26 10 4 1 6 0 36 11
2012–13 29 25 5 2 8 2 42 29
Total 72 38 11 4 21 2 104 44
2013–14 Borussia Dortmund 31 9 5 2 10 2 46 13
2014–15 28 3 6 1 7 0 41 4
2015–16 31 11 5 5 15 7 51 23
Total 88 23 16 8 32 9 136 40

And here’s a final thought… there is a real drying up of inventiveness now in both the papers and the bloggettas, as if they have used up all their stories, long before the glass on the window breaks open, and they’ve nothing left to say.  If that is actually true, then the actual transfer window (starting July 1) is going to be the most boring ever.

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18 comments to Apparently it wasn’t Vardy we were after at all. Here’s who we are actually getting…

  • Goona

    From hardly anyone you’re certainly a someone Sir, as this is the best article I’ve ever read on News Now, professionally written, superb! keeping us all up to speed as to what’s afoot at our club…….Bravo Sir!

  • colario

    Love Lust Marriage.

    Love: When you take a bubble bath together

    Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together

    Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

    Love: A romantic candle-lit dinner for two

    Lust: Do I have to buy you dinner first?

    Marriage: 4 McDonald’s Happy Meals — to go

    Love: Giving your love some candy

    Lust: Thinking you are the candy

    Marriage: Scraping the kids’ candy off of the carpet

    Love: Sex every night

    Lust: Sex 5 times a night

    Marriage: Remember sex? Me either.

    Love: A night out at the symphony

    Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn

    Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

    Love: You smell French perfume

    Lust: You smell Brut aftershave

    Marriage: You smell evidence that the baby needs changing…

    Love: Lending your jacket to your love when she is cold

    Lust: I can think of a way to stay warm…

    Marriage: Your teenage daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

    Love: Long drives through the countryside

    Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover’s Lookout

    Marriage: Long drives with the kids asking, “Are we there yet?”

  • Ken1945

    Superb article. This is what I come to Untold for, seperating the truth from the garbage.
    My thoughts on Vardy is that the move is probably his biggest and he does need to think about it. I also think his wife might have a say in his decision, especially after the grief she received from the Leicester fans. If he declines to join us, then that’s his mistake and Arsenal will continue to thrive.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ colario – June 9, 2016 at 8:19 am – My take –
    Love – Up the Gunners !
    Lust – Spend some fucking money ! Monster DM ! World class striker ! Trophies NOW !
    Marriage – Arsene Knows Best . Exhale . Relax . Bliss !

  • Pat

    Sir Hardly Anyone – I admire your tenacity but how can you bear to spend all that time reading these sites?

  • SamuelAkinsolaAdebosin

    If Arsenal finally succeeded in signing Vardy as is likely they will because they’ve told the World they are still confident in signing him.

    And if Arsenal sign Rod Holding, they may likely sign one of Riyad Mahrez or Henrikh Mkhitaryan. And Arsenal summer transfer for this season may come to a close.

    My guessed 2016 Arsenal senior squad summer transfer are: Granit Xhaka, Rod Holding, Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Jamie Vardy. That’s one above the 3 senior players the Boss said he will sign this current window. But maybe Holding isn’t deemed as a senior signing but could still play in the senior team.

    Both the likely signings of, Kelechi Nwakali and Samuel Chukwueze, the Nigerian starlets by Arsenal, are developmental signings for the Arsenal youth squad. But the signing of Chukwueze is looking to be on hold because of the £3m or so transfer fee demanded by his club. I hope the financial hindrance to Chukwueze’s transfer to Arsenal will be resolved soon as his club lower their asking price to £2.5m so that Arsenal will sign him.

  • Leon


    I was thinking along the same lines.
    For someone who criticizes the media so much Sir H spends an awful lot of his day reading it.
    I expect he must use the NewsNow site and looks to see what leaps out.

  • Polo

    List of goal scorers in Europe. Maybe one of these non-Arsenal players will join us, but who?

  • Polo

    @Leon, that’s a bit harsh. Somebody got to keep us entertain while we wait for the season to start.

  • Leon


    Not to worry, the Euros start tomorrow.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Better news is that in only a few days we can say that Arsenal will play within the next month…. blimey that doesn’t seem that good news after all… oh well..

  • Polo

    Let’s hope the entertainment is on the football pitch not in the streets. England vs Russia there could be trouble with the hooligans.

  • Polo

    Remember how AW was vilified for not signing any outfield players last season. Well maybe he was waiting for his target players to be available. This is taken from an ESPN article

    ‘And the midfielder made it clear that the deal had been in the works for a long time, saying Wenger first contacted him “a year ago.”

    AW was already in talks with Xhaka last year, so AW already planned ahead with who he wanted to sign but just have to wait for the player to be available.

  • blacksheep

    Great stuff Sir Hardly but it pains me to think that the lovely caravan IG had cleaned and installed at London Colney may go to waste if Mr Vardy decides to stay put at Leicester. Perhaps I’m being hard on the lad and he has simply realized that a game based on diving, kicking and otherwise cheating one’s opponents only works if the refs are on your side. If he joins Arsenal he may find they are not. That said if he does ‘sign da ting’ when England get booted out of the Euros (anytime soon) then I’ll help Sir Hardly come up with a song. Something along the lines of ‘he signs when he wants’ or ‘Tardy Vardy’s gonna get you…’ springs to mind (more work needed. Ed)

    As for Polo’s minted comment above I fear the real hooligans in Russia are not the homophobic racist traveling support but the likes of Pres Putain (no spelling mistake there folks…look it up) and his chum at the Chavs (Roman A). Get your tanks OFF my lawn!

  • Jambug


    Despite being in the pipeline for a year I don’t doubt for one second that some numpty will still call it a ‘panic buy’ !

  • Graeme

    Vardy never had any intention of Joining Arsenal he was using Arsenal to get a payrise out of Leicester AKA Rooney and De Gea with Man u

  • Pat

    Hi Blacksheep.

    Not a good way to start an international competition by branding a whole nation of football supporters – ie. the Russians – as homophobic and racist.

    I remember that when Paul Robeson (famous black American singer) visited the Soviet Union he said that for the first time he felt treated like a human being. I’m sure there are millions of Russians who still have those internationalist sentiments.

    It wouldn’t be very nice to brand all English people on the basis of the ones who sneer at other nations, or worse still, spread untrue propaganda against ‘immigrants’. Quite a lot of that kind of stuff is coming out in the debate around the EU referendum, unfortunately.

  • Al

    Was just reading and enjoying the comments and clicking like on those that deserved like, and I somehow clicked dislike on yours when I meant to like it. Sorry.

    Interesting read, Sir Hardly.