Arsenal News
Arsenal News & Transfers
As featured on NewsNow: Arsenal newsArsenal News 24/7

Arsenal News, Only Arsenal, Blogs, Transfer News


October 2016
« Sep    



By The Brickfields Gunners .

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.”  – Markus Herz .

After the success  and great reception of the first article  of the series here, titled Latest Medical Discoveries and Treatments for “them”  at, and the many  calls for more of the same ,  the Medical Division of UA  presents  part two  .  So here we go…

But first , a sad case of a valiant rehabilitation gone wrong. Sometimes we do get it wrong the first few  thousand times too!

“I have not failed 1000 times.  I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb.”

Thomas A. Edison.
A patient was being interviewed for release at the  Mental Hospital. After an elaborate interview the lights in the room were switched off and in the pitch darkness of the room a bright beam of light running from a corner of the room was switched on. To carry out a final test on the patient’s sanity he was asked to climb up the beam.
The patient refused and was pronounced cured of his insanity. The next day his discharge papers were prepared for release and handed to him and he was congratulated of his discharge.  As he was leaving the office the Doctor asked him..can you explain why you refused to climb the beam of light at his interview.
The patient replied… ”  Doc , do you  think I am that stupid? I know that once I am halfway up the beam of light you will switch off the beam of light and that  I would fall down!”
The discharge papers were destroyed and the patient sent back to his room

The Newer Discoveries –

” None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see. ” –  Matthew Henry.
Seen  mainly in the referees of the PIGMOB , whose visual fields  seem to shuttle between selective  acquiescent blindness and  impossible and improbable clarity.
And whose hearing similarly  vacillate between  hyperacusis  which is the abnormally acute hearing due to heightenedirritability of the sensory neural mechanism; and total deafness that is  accorded to  certain loud, brash and clearly vulgar England team captains.

Similarly  symptoms were recently noted in the media and in the experts,  when confronted with or presented with evidence that run contrary to the set script or agenda.  Recently was also called the Mark  Halsey conundrum – there was  such a pregnant pause  followed by totally deafening silence.


“The human mind has a primitive ego defence mechanism that negates all realities that produce too much stress for the brain to handle. It’s called Denial.”   – Dan Brown .

Occurs biannually and only during a predetermined period of time . It is mostly characterised  by grown men ( and angst filled  teenagers ) exhibiting the most  deluded ,appalling  , unruly , despicably crude and rude behaviour towards the clubs, managers, owners, players and other fans.   And all done with the delusional belief that they are actually being helpful to the same, and that their  unsolicited advice  and imaginings should merit  due consideration .
While once endemic to  many parts of Europe, now it seems more centred  and mainly focused in England.  Due in most part to the influx of  more  TV  money.  Lies, fallacies, untruths and other manner of  crap rise to the surface, fuelled by the so-called media experts and  ex-players, soon followed by meltdown of the social media.
Regular but false reports of visual sightings of players in airports and club medical centres abound. As do fake Facebook and Twitter  postings . Every player’s wife, siblings or agents’ social media pages and utterances are  minutely dissected and on purpose, misunderstood. And not to mention fake Memes , photo shopping and superimposing jerseys on players to get the crowd mad.
Over the last few years, even when the window period is  firmly shut,  rumoured mumblings and rumblings still persists, and the madness and the mania has almost become perennial .
 The treatment?  Fiscal education, logical thinking, and patience. Failing which, the reduction in earnings and lesser TV  money will soon set things right.

The newer treatments  –


‘ I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ‘  – W.C Fields .

This is a topically applied gel for teenagers, which is readily absorbed and crosses the blood brain barrier. It combines the beneficial proprieties of OXY and  MORONAID . Not only does it clear up all that clogged pores and raging hormonal acne, but it also effective in unclogging the brain  by removing angst and stupidity. Having cleared the face and brains , the patients  not only exhibits and extrudes  confidence but also clarity of thought .

Both of which  improves the chances of the subject to probably get laid and even  more joy!


This is another new and powerful cerebral decongestant. It  prevents the patient from the repetitive uttering of erroneous ‘facts’ and unsubstantiated beliefs that may have been drummed into his head by the not so  subtle subliminal messages  by the so called ‘experts’  in the   print and visual medias.

Our  youth will no longer be  ‘willing’ Manchurian candidates when silly  ” Spend some fucking money ! ” or ” Enough is enough !” slogans are repeated. Instead they will be able to think the issues  through and make well informed decisions.


“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” –  Albert Einstein.

A new and experimental CNS drug that  shows promise when introduced early and at a younger age . It blocks the inflow of teenage related confusion and retards moronic leanings. It encourages self realisation , purity of thought and a thirst for knowledge via the old medium, ie books, discourse and discussion.

Among its  more positive effects is a distinct distaste for modern and latest gadgets, that seen to occupy  and corrupt our youth and rendering them unfit for gainful employment. Unless there are jobs out there for those who have  successfully  captured all those beings on Pokemon Go!   Just like those  Dungeon Masters of old who made such great strides in life by their acquired skills in role playing.

We will endeavour to keep you all updated of the newest trends and treatments  in medicine, all  in a lighter vein. As it should be!


The Brickfields Gunners


  • Brickfields Gunners

    And in the same humourous vein , some more information for your misuse …

    This is only sent to those believed to have the mental capacity to comprehend the meaning of these statements.
    It requires a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life.

    9 Points to Ponder

    Number 9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

    Number 8 – Life is sexually transmitted.

    Number 7 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    Number 6 – Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes make him a sandwich.

    Number 5 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

    Number 4 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

    Number 3 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    Number 2 – In the 60’s, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take antidepressants to make it normal.

    Number 1 – Life is like a jar of hot pepper sauce. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.

    …and as someone recently said to me: Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Where are your Glasses ??….

    I love this one!!!!

    Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

    Talking about my “doing-something-useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me”, she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.

    I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
    She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 72 years old and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

    She immediately telephoned me and yelled, “Good grief Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

    “Oh man, I’m in trouble again,” I said, “I really don’t know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!”

    The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

    Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Probably the most confused ( or at the very least , poorly thought out !) slogan ever –
    from The World Health Organization , ” WHO cares “

  • Gunner6

    i was in knots and attracted funny glances from my work colleagues!!!!

    I will quote Thomas Edison to my son. He will love that. Hopefully that will stop him from crying out in frustration as he tries to create his ww2 tanks with his lego.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Gunner6 – September 15, 2016 at 2:18 pm – I do hope he is quite small . I think that I may have to give my Chelski loving son some VERBATIMYSIN – he quotes all those Arsenal hating experts verbatim !

    And he doesn’t see the stupidity exhibited by them as well as all the crazy goings on at Chelsea . Every quote he makes , only makes me laugh . Very much like those of ‘them’ who come on here and give their …..errr..opinions ?

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Wife : ” I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear.”
    Husband :” Kitchen , living room , bathroom !”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.

    We’ve heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.
    Do they, however, know the difference between them?
    Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

    GUTS – Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

    BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

    I trust this clears up any confusion.

    Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.

  • Rantetta

    Ta BG.

    I’d missed the 1st article so I read that, the comments, and then this one.
    Most enjoyable. (“You’re next, Chubby”) 😂

  • Brickfields Gunners

    A person asked a question to his Guru, “My workers are not true to me. My children, my wife and the entire world is very selfish. No body is correct.”

    The Guru smiled and told a story…, ” In one small village there was a room with 1000 mirrors. One small girl used to go inside and play. Seeing thousands of children around her she was joyful.

    She would clap her hands and all the 1000 children would clap back at her !

    She considered this place as the world’s happiest n beautiful place and would visit often.

    This same place was once visited by a sad and depressed person. He saw around him thousands of angry men staring at him. He got scared and raised his hands to hit them and in return 1000 hands lifted to hit him back.

    He thought… this is the worst place in the world and left that place.

    This world is also a room with 1000 mirrors around you… What we let out of us is what the society will give back to us.!!

    “This world is a heaven… It’s up to us what we make out of it…” said the Guru….

    Thank you , Tony , Walter and the guys of Untold Arsenal whose thousands of mirrors of positivity always makes my AKB heart soar and laugh !
    Cheers !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Ok , ok , enough of that mushy stuff – back to the medical jokes !

    Doctor Gupta had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

    But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: “Gupta, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go, Gupta.”

    But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to Reality,
    whispering:” .
    You’re A Veterinary Doctor !!! “

  • Brickfields Gunners

    At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

    After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

    All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door and it’s Roger. Again he is ready for more “action”.

    Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more intimacy. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

    She is set to go to sleep again, but,…. aha you guessed it – Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action.

    And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.”

    Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: “You mean I was here already?”

    The moral of the story: Don’t be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer’s has its advantages.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    An eye opener !

    Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl’s junior college, said during class, “Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”

    Miss Arnold gasped, then said coldly, “Mr. Jacobs, I don’t think that is an appropriate question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!”

    With that she sat down red-faced.

    Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones, another student, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with composure, replied: “That would be the pupil of the eye, under conditions of dim light.”

    “Correct,” said Mr. Jacobs. “And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you:
    One, you have not studied your lesson.
    Two, you have a dirty mind.
    And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment.”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    An olden and golden mouthful !

    At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

    Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . “In fact”, he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society”.

    After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

    “Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery”, asked the couple?

    “Because I am the artist, who painted the picture”, he replied, “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

    They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch!!..

  • Gunner6

    Hi BG, sorry to hear about your Chelski loving son. Mine, not entirely sure if it is fortune or not, have not yet found the appeal of football. He is more interested in building something from scratch. I guess that is in a way more akin to Wenger and Arsenal. Maybe that is how I integrate him into the world of Arsenal.


  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Gunner6 -September 16, 2016 at 7:59 am – I’m sure that my son will soon learn the realities of life , expectations , bullshit ,disappointments , failures and death as I did as he follows through the path which I tread over 40 years ago .
    Being a medical student , and then a doctor has a way of tempering one’s perspective. And finding the humour in the strangest situations !
    But do encourage him to build to his heart’s content – one day you’ll be rewarded with his final product .
    Cheers !

  • ARSENAL 13

    oh dear!! Brickfields,

    Reminds me of Barcelona loving, Messi wallpaper sporting, Terry kit wearing, ARSENAL abusing nephew.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ ARSENAL 13 -September 16, 2016 at 12:44 pm -That guy is long gone now – but probably be back with a new name and weirder ramblings ! And if he’s smart ( sniggers !) a new e-mail address !

    And in ‘closing ‘……

    Receptionist: ‘The doctor is so funny he’ll soon have you in stitches.’
    Patient: ‘I hope not – I only came in for a check up.’

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>