by Matthew Hopkins.
The Daily Star is currently running the headline “Arsenal fans call for Arsene Wenger to be sacked”
The opening line of their story is “ARSENAL fans have called on Arsene Wenger to be sacked,” just in case you didn’t get it in the headline.
There is then a headline under the pic of Mr Wenger saying, again, in case you didn’t catch it first time,”WENGER OUT: Fans have called for the Arsenal boss to go.”
Now “Arsenal fans” is of course different from “some Arsenal fans” and “one or two so-called Arsenal fans,” but in essence without any evidence they cite five tweets (which could of course come from the same person) claiming that “if you were #Ozil & #Sanchez why bothered signing a new contract under a clueless money grabbing clown #wengerOut.”
OK the grammar is a bit wonky but you get the idea.
“I hope @MesutOzil1088 @Alexis_Sanchez reject contract and request summer transfer! Too good to be playing for @Arsenal #WengerOut #PSGvAFC.”
Now this repetition of aaa propaganda is of course just the cheapest form of newspaper journalism, but I thought after years of putting up with the Daily Star it might be time to take some action.
Of course I can’t advocate anything illegal like an attack on the Daily Star offices which would be utterly against the law and highly reprehensible – and of course no one would believe me if I said it, given the long association with non-violence that this website has had. Indeed even if I wanted to advocate the burning down of the Daily Star offices I couldn’t because if you visit http://www.dailystar.co.uk/contact you find that it just takes you around in a circle and doesn’t give the address. Why is that I wonder. Has someone put a hex on them?
But since the Witchfinder General is no longer with us in the flesh but guides us in spirit, and since witchcraft is no longer illegal I think I can offer a thought or two. The 1736 act which imposed fines and imprisonment on people who claimed to be witches has long since gone. The 1951 Fraudulent Mediums Act was repealed in 2008.
So basically putting a curse on the Daily Star #CurseTheStar and on the “author” (I use the word in its vaguest sense, if in fact any sense at all) #CurseJackWilson is not illegal.
Now putting a curse on people really isn’t that hard. You don’t need any toads or newts of anything like that. You just make up some mumbo jumbo and decide what you want to happen to these people. Then you post it on Twatter with the #CurseTheStar and #CurseJackWilson at the end of you are done.
Will it have any effect?
Well, 27 years ago someone said, “enough of this truth malarkey let’s just make it all up as we go along” and out of that the Daily Star was born. Which just shows you how powerful witchcraft can be.
However within this we need to understand that the Star (#CurseTheStar and #CurseJackWilson) claimed that the anti-Wengerian twats were trending after the game. Which raises the question, what exactly does trending mean.
The problem we have here is that there are hundreds of sites that give a definition of trending and all of them have different definitions. Here, for what it is worth, is mine.
Trending means popular – but that popularity is related to sites that you look at. To show how this works, if I look at a particular web site to find a hotel somewhere, and then go on Untold Arsenal, I will see in the advert sections adverts for hotels. This is because the robots pick up my web searches and then feed back results from people who are in the network Untold’s ad agency is signed up with.
This doesn’t mean everyone else gets the same adverts, anymore than everyone sees the same Twats as trending on Twatter. It all depends on the robots.
So those five twats about Wenger Out were probably all picked up by Jack Wilson (#CurseTheStar and #CurseJackWilson) because he had been scrabbling around in the dirt looking for Twats showing the Wenger out.
But now, you are asking, how do I curse The Star and how do I curse Jack Wilson?
Well famed sorcerer and occult author Damien Mulkrin, say you have to
1. Rise from your bed at midnight. Sit cross-legged on the floor in a dark, empty room and whisper the words: “Evil, live, live, evil” over and over for one minute. In your mind’s eye, picture the person or entity you want to curse. There is a picture of the Daily Star building (which although they try and hide the fact is at The Northern & Shell Building, Number 10 Lower Thames Street, London, EC3R 6EN.
2. As the image of the person or the building gets stronger to you, visualize great harm coming to him or her or the building. For example, you might watch with delight as a the building implodes.
3. Savour the agony of the owners of this “newspaper” – but don’t forget: the misfortune you visualize is the misfortune your victim will suffer in real life. If you visualize anyone getting hurt in the collapse of the building that could happen. That’s not very nice so much better to have the building fall down with no one inside and the victim Jack Wilson (#CurseTheStar and #CurseJackWilson) should lose his job. Don’t try and kill anyone as they might come back and have a pop at you.
Now this is easier than you might think since the Daily Star (#CurseTheStar) doesn’t employ any journalists but has its stories made up by a bunch of down and outs living on the Isle of Wight (#CurseJackWilson)
4. As you continue to revel in the imaginary evil you have brought to your enemy, whisper: “Powers of darkness, make this so.” Contemplate your actions for a minute or so and then, says Mulkrin, “your work is done.”
Now the key points in all this is Witchcraft is not illegal in the UK therefore if you follow what is written above (rather nasty though it is) and awful things happen to The Star #CurseTheStar and Jack Wilson #CurseJackWilson you can’t be done for it, unless you were at the scene or directing others to take physical action. And besides witchcraft if nonsense so if the building were to fall down it still wouldn’t be your fault because witchcraft doesn’t work.
#CurseTheStar and #CurseJackWilson