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The 18 players already ear marked to be coming to Arsenal this summer.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

The Great Transfer Index is a listing of all the players that the English media suggest that Arsenal are about to sign.   The great joke is that last summer it only had an accuracy rating of under three percent.  In short around 107 players nominated to be coming to Arsenal last summer didn’t arrive!

Most people who committed so a complete balls up in terms of their professional credibility would now be out of a job, and their superiors put on the scrap heap.  But this is football journalism so wouldn’t you know it, they are laughing in our faces once again knowing the bloggettas with their six word paragraphs will just take every story and circulate it again.

Here are the players we’ve noted thus far, and since it is a favourite theme of the media, we are also listing all the managers who are about to take over at Arsenal.

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Part 1: REPLACING THE MANAGER

The current news is Mr Wenger had not signed new contract.  (101, Metro, Express, Star)  So the hunt for a new man continues.  On the starting blocks we have four hopefuls.

Manager Current club Notes
1 Ernesto Valverde Athletic Bilbao Also going to Barcelona
2 Diego Simeone Atletico Madrid Defensively minded
3 Thomas Tuchel Borussia Dortmund Attack minded
4 Massimiliano Allegri Juventus Also won the league with Milan

Next, in a new element we now also apparently need a new…

Part 2: Goalkeeping coach

Chelsea’s goalkeeping coach Christophe Lollichon is “set to” follow Cech to Arsenal (Daily Express).

Next is the big one

Part 3: Players coming in

No  Player  Club  Position Notes 
 1 Marcelo Allende  Deportes Santa Cruz Attack m’f  Had 3 trials, training with first team.  Signing today!!!!
2 Karim Benzema Real Mad F’wd Definitely going to either AFC or Chelsea
3 Andrea Belotti Juventus F’wd Sadly he has just signed a new contract
4 Iker Casillas Porto Goal To solve our goalkeeping “crisis”
5 Kingsley Coman  Juventus Wing On loan with Bayern this season
6 Ederson Benfica Goal 23 year old to replace Cech
7 Jose Luis Gaya  Valencia LB Man City winning the race
8 Ben Gibson Middlesbrough Centre back £30m.  Tottenham want him.
9 Leon Goretzka Shalke M’fld £21m, 1 yr left on contract.  Wanted to replace Ozil (Most quoted story by far)
10 Lorenzo Insigne Napoli F’wd Liverpool! are on alert!
11 Jakub Jankto Udinese M’fld To play alongside Xhaka
12 Lorenzo Insigne Schalke M’fld
13 Sead Kolašinac Schalke Defender Signed as his contract runs out in June
14 Kylian Mbappe Monaco F’wd The new Thierry Henry
15 Alexandre Lacazette Olympique Lyonnais Striker Man City want him
16 Kasper Schmeichel Leicester Goal The man to solve our goalkeeping “crisis”
17 Corentin Tolisso  Lyon F’wd  French international, dreams of Arsenal
18 Jack Wilshere Bournemouth M’fld 75% of guys in the pub want him back

Last season all of our first team squad were tipped to be leaving.  So let’s take a peek at part 4.

Part 4: Outgoing Players

No  Player  Club  Notes 
 1 Alexis Man C Guardiola making £50m offer his summer priority
2 Alexis Chelsea Will play out contract and go on a free to Chelsea.
3 Alexis Man U Has already agreed deal
5 Krystian Bielik Birmingham City keen to extend loan for another year.
6 Bellerin Barcelona Barce will sign him; no, he is happy to stay
7 Campbell Fenerbahce Currently in talks to sign
8 Ospina Fenerbahce
9 LucasPerez PSG He’s an “outcast” according to “reports”

Such is the excitement about players going that Talk Sprout on their own have given us a new listing:

Part 5: Players Staying

Yes here is a novelty – a list of players who are staying.  This excludes the group that signed new contracts just recently – as that would make predicting a little bit too easy.

No  Player  Source 
1 Kieran Gibbs Talk Sport
2 Alex Oxlade Chamberlain Talk Sport
3 Jack Wilshere Talk Sport

And that’s it for now.  A new set of players coming, going, and turning round in circles, will be announced shortly.

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5 comments to The 18 players already ear marked to be coming to Arsenal this summer.

  • Josif

    Sir Hardly (may I call you “Hardly? I know I hardly know you but I don’t think you are like anyone else to call you “Anyone” and the word “Sir” has lost its value after Ferguson had been given that thing), a few advices:

    1.the medical one – don’t say Belotti that he is a Juventus players unless you want a kick in your…er…”belotties”; Belotti plays for Torino, second club from the city of Turin/Torino, also known for a tragic loss of the whole team in 1949;

    2.the mathematical one – you can’t place Insigne twice on the 18-men list and say 18 players are about to join Arsenal as he can’t sign for Arsenal twice, especially not from Schalke given that he has never played for them (and I’m pretty sure he never will);

    3.the factual one – Jack Wilshere is an Arsenal player; he is likely to return from a loan when it expires so I can’t give neither you nor the media that one;

    4.the consistency one – if Jack and Joel are both on the loan and on the exit door, shouldn’t Joel be named alongside Jack in the 18-men list of players who will join Arsenal?

  • Menace

    Well Sir Hardly – We are also going to change the stadium name to Hoki Koki.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ Menace 18/04/2017 at 8:41 pm -Up the Goons ?

  • Brickfields Gunners

    The Anger Games – A reality show where the next Arsenal Manager has to show his worth by running the gauntlet through a different series of crazed ‘fans’ each week before he is finally crowned as a true champion.

    The prize –
    8 Million Pounds per year.
    Unlimited scorn guaranteed -all that you can stomach .
    Vilified by masses of underlings and other creepy crawlies
    Subject to unlimited abuse by delusional inferiors .
    Threats of violence promised.
    Crooked officials galore .
    Free medical treatment and psychiatric counseling , for a limited period .

  • Norman14

    Jack has broken his leg, so he’s back already.

    Not in great negotiating position for a new contract – I wonder how that will pan out?