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March 2018
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Transfer window moved, 10 big rumours, Nketiah & Willock go beserk and bonkers awards

By Sir Hardly Anyone

For the last two years we’ve done a review through the summer of the wild and wacky transfer gibberish that passes for news in many of our national newspapers and on the bloggettas.

Each of the last two summers have had just over 100 players rumoured to join Arsenal, and of course 97% of them have been wrong.  (We also incidentally had every single first team player tipped to be leaving Arsenal in each of those windows, but that movement hasn’t started yet this year).

As for the transfers that did actually happen, they were generally only mentioned in the days running up to the announcement.

This year we are starting much, much, much earlier both because the nutters who write all this stuff have started earlier and because (more to the point) the transfer window seems to have moved – and this bit really is true (at least “according to reports”).  This summer it is running from May 17 to August 9 in England.  Or something like that – there appears to be a certain amount of doubt among the odd places that are covering the story.

Anyway we shall be awarding prizes for the craziest, silliest and worst rumours and the worst source of the transfer campaign.

So we begin with our first top 10 list – and there are already quite a few names on it.  Well, ten to be precise. All of these have featured on 5th and 6th February 2018.  Below that our first set of awards – and believe me they are a pretty ripe bunch indeed.

No. Player From Source Information
1 Karim Benzema Real Mad EPR Scouts, Football Transfer Tavern Deal agreed £35m
2 Kerem Demirbay Hoffenheim TalkSport. Liga Financial, Star, AFC Fever Midfielder, AFC price agreed, Liverpool want him. Price agreed
3 Fred Shakhtar Gibfootballshow Arsenal to get him for £30m
4 Goncalo Guedes PSG Liga Financial PSG must sell because of FFP, Arsenal have announced interest
5 Thomas Lemar Monaco ArsenalNewsHQ Deal confirmed
6 Malcolm Bordeaux FootballBible, Sport Review, Gunnerspheree Winger; everyone is interested; he says he goes in the summer.  But might go to China
7 Jan Oblak Atletico Mad FootballBible; Gibfootballshow Goalkeeper also wanted by Chelsea and Liverpool.  100m euros.
8 Richarlison Watford EPL Scouts Midfield, Chels & Tots also; Arsenal miss out & Arsenal to hijack deal, both on same site!!!
9 Wilfried Zaha Crystal Palace Liga Financial Arsenal making a bid of £25m
10 Andrija Zivkovic Benfica Football Facts, EatSleepSports ArsenalStation, Telegraph, Giants, Tribal Football 21 year old striker

The awards

Laugh of the day: “Arsenal fans discuss Cesc Fabregas returning as manager” Daily Cannon

Turnip of the day: Arsenal ‘agree’ to trigger £28m release clause of 24-year-old Bundesliga midfielder” Arsenal Fever.  (How can the word “agree” be in inverted commas?  One either agrees or one doesn’t.)

The “it makes no sense” award for making no sense at all.   “Club director confirm agreement reached with Man United for star man” is the headline from Football Bible, and the story reads, “Roma have confirmed that they rejected the opportunity to sign Manchester United defender Daley Blind on transfer deadline day, according to the Daily Star.”

Good pieces all to start us off with for what is going to be quite a long ride to the window even if it does start earlier.

Away from the rumours – the under 23s triumph again.

Meanwhile you may have heard the under 23s latest triumph beating Everton (yes them again) 4-0 on Monday.   And as a quick summary look at this for a clue as to where our attacking future lies.

E. Nketiah 12 minutes (assist by J. Willock)
1 – 0
R. Nelson 26 minutes (assist by J. Willock)
2 – 0
E. Nketiah 62 minutes (assist by J. Willock)
3 – 0
E. Nketiah 77 minutes (assist by E. Smith Rowe)
4 – 0
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 16 11 0 5 33 17 +16 33
2 16 10 2 4 38 23 +15 32
3 17 8 6 3 24 11 +13 30
4 16 8 3 5 32 25 +7 27
5 15 8 2 5 22 18 +4 26
6 15 6 3 6 21 25 -4 21
7 16 5 5 6 23 25 -2 20
8 16 5 3 8 25 29 -4 18
9 16 4 5 7 25 26 -1 17
10 17 4 4 9 13 30 -17 16
11 16 4 3 9 25 35 -10 15
12 16 2 6 8 13 30 -17 12

Interesting to see that four of the top six teams in the league occupy positions 7th, 9th, 11th and 12th.  Still I am sure Tottenham have some rip roaring youngsters up their sleeves – they are going to need them as the bills for the new stadium’s bank loans start being paid.

And just to prove that the notion of the press making idiots of themselves is not new, here’s what happened 98 years ago

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19 comments to Transfer window moved, 10 big rumours, Nketiah & Willock go beserk and bonkers awards

  • Jjgsol

    Interesting in that just as with the first team the under 23s had a player with a hatrick of goals and another of assists.

    By the way is this not division 2 of the under 23s.?

  • Ferg

    Think it’s called PL2. I always interpreted as Premier League reserves aka u23s.

  • Ferg is right, Jjgsol – it is called PL2, meaning it is the second tier of the Premier League, but not the second division of the Under 23s. Although it is primarily an under 23 league, teams in the league are able to play over 23 year olds – I think a max of 3 per game – as a way of bringing first team players up to match fitness.

    I do find it interesting that Tottenham, with a first team that is being so highly lauded is struggling in this league. Is it that their under 23 squad really is rather poor? If so, and if they have a period of austerity to pay for the new stadium, it does not bode well.

  • alexanderhenry

    Many of the rumours surrounding arsenal are ridiculous but who the hell cares?
    Why you make such a fuss about this is baffling. It’s never going change.

    Spare a thought for smaller clubs. They get no gossip are all, poor things.

  • GoingGoingGooner

    In truth, ManU, ManCiy and Chelsea are also doing poorly. My impression is, certainly for Chelsea, that they regard the PL2 as a 3rd tier preparatory league and that players closer to the starting lineup would actually be out on loan.

  • As pointed out so many many many times before on this site add in the free cup vouchers for the FA Cup and European competitions which come with all season tickets, and the fact that League Cup games up to and including the semi-final are £10 downstairs, and £20 upstairs (£10 for those aged over 65) and Arsenal’s prices are lower than Chelsea and Tottenham. Further, on a like for like analysis undertaken vis a vis Tottenham a couple of years back, Tottenham’s prices came out higher. I suspect (but of course can’t prove) that at their new stadia, both clubs will raise prices further.

  • jjgsol

    Does the winner of Tier 2 go to Tier 1, so, effectively, it is the 2nd division?

  • What utterly baffles me Alexanderhenry is why, since you clearly don’t go along with my thesis that the fact that the media not only choose what is the news, but also how it is to be reported and interpreted, and that this leads to a very misleading view of football, and prevents action to change football.

    Why you go on and on and on and on and on about the issue is what puzzles me. You are baffled, as you rightly admit that even after 77 comments, so there is clearly nothing I can say to relieve you of that bafflement. Maybe you should find a different way of relieving yourself of your bafflement, because writing to us clearly isn’t working either in terms of enhancing your understanding or in terms of convincing those of us who write Untold are on the wrong track.

  • Ferg

    I feel that both the questions ongoing here are trying to make my leg longer.
    Jigsol. If our under 23s get promoted to PL1, they will be in the same division as our 1st team …PL1.
    Alexander, then we’d get doublevalue for money!

  • finsbury

    Apprentice Taylor gets his reward for the previous copious bungle that we all witnessed.


    “Misguided” eh?
    Reads like Moss’ federation have just described him as a disgrace! 😉

    Is Hackett grinding that axe for the 2018 Andrew Jennings appreciation award? Who cares! It’s bloomin’ hilarious.

    You can dress up a turd with bells and whistles but unfortunately it will still stink.

  • Andy Mack

    alexanderhenry, if you really want to save a £2-5 pound per PL game then you can go to the spuddies games instead. Personally I’d be happy to pay an additional £50 per game to watch us instead, but actually works out cheaper when I can also see the Cup games.

  • alexanderhenry

    The reason I go ‘on and on’ about it is because you go ‘ on and on ‘ about it.

    The fact that the press have a preoccupation with arsenal is a good thing. It’s part of what makes us a big club. Of course most of what they print is a combination of idle gossip and rumours.

    All arsenal fans understand that and most of them take it with humour and a pinch of salt.

    Only untold interprets it as part of a dark, sinister anti arsenal plot.

  • Once again you singularly fail to understand what this site is about, but I have explained it so often, and it is so evident that really there is no point in explaining it again and again and again.

  • alexanderhenry

    I’m afraid this site seems to consist of a combination of conspiracy theories, sour grapes and a cultish obsession with arsene wenger.
    The reasonable tone only thinly disguises a warped view of arsenal football club, and a somewhat fanatical support of our current manager.

    I do not like the way that anyone -especially a fellow fan or ex player -voicing any dissent concerning wenger or for that matter the owner, is contemptuously accused of disloyalty, insanity or being a part of a mysterious anti arsenal conspiracy.

    Also, the idea that fans shouldn’t complain about arsenal and worse still, it is their complaints that are to blame for the team’s bad form is preposterous and pretty offensive.

  • Well yes, we know about your views Alexander and I don’t think they have much to do with this site, so I am not sure there is much point in saying them again and again and again. Best to say goodbye now, I think.

  • Andy Mack

    “All arsenal fans understand that and most of them take it with humour and a pinch of salt.”
    If only that were true. Just look at the drivel repeated on numerous Arsenal Bloggs.
    Many supporters have always known the media talks BS but regrettably there are also a load of gullible supporters that believe the myth of ‘No smoke without fire’ which is very definately wrong…

  • So Alexis is guilty by admission of tax fraud!

    Timely move, money related? Maybe!

    Pep, Klopp join in the debate about officials, some carefully chosen words from Klopp!

    No matter what Lamella dived, it is inhumanly possible to adjust Ines momentum if someone jumps in front of you clearing within no intention to play then ball what so ever!

    And Karius made minimal contact and reached the ball and their darling did a Vardy!

    Great results for U23 and in related fixtures! Predicting Deeney goofiest goal and a home win, plus watching the fiasco featuring moss! Wonderful entertainment!

    Why always me – said one famous plumber!

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