By Sir Hardly Anyone
These are confusing times in the transfer market, and indeed as my old chum and informant Sir Jasper Fish III said just last night in the Toppled Bollard public house off the Old Kent Road, as I pointed out yet more confusing reports of the comings and goings, “It just shows once again that half the world doesn’t know how the other three quarters live.” And you can’t say fairer than that.
“I met one of these transfer deal negotiators the other day,” Jasper continued. “He was sitting there bold as you like in the Three Broken Goats with a cigarette hanging from his lips and eye that could have been used for splitting logs in the teak forests of Borneo,” and those of us at the table nodded for surely we have all been there.
So what do we know? Well what indeed. The window closes at 5pm on 9 August and this is how it stands…
1: Ospina to Besiktas
That may have happened and we were not told as everyone has got so bored with the story.
2: Chuba Akpom to Rangers.
But no, for the Express says that “Wilshere looks set to be followed out of the exit door by another Arsenal youth product in the form of Akpom.”
But there again in Greece Sport24 tell us with a certainty that is rare in these days that “Arsenal have agreed a fee of £890,000 (€1m) with PAOK”
3: Boring Boring
“New head coach Unai Emery is settling well into his position as Arsene Wenger’s successor and has already overseen five new arrivals during his very first transfer window in English football,” said Football.London using 32 words to say absolutely nothing.
4: Dejan Kulusevski
“Arsenal Reportedly Set to Swoop for 17-Year-Old Atalanta Starlet” says 90 minutes. And indeed way back on 10 April we had the story “Arsenal are one of a number of clubs reported to be interested in making a move for talented young Atalanta centre midfielder Dejan Kulusevski.”
It couldn’t be that these “outlets” are going back through old files and just regurgitating news from four months ago. That wouldn’t be ethical would it?
But “18-year-old midfielder, Dejan Kulusevski, has confirmed that Arsenal were interested in signing him and that he’d love to play for the club – just not yet.” is the new story. “Kulusevski moved from IF Brommapojkarna to Atalanta in Italy in the summer of 2016 for an unknown fee. Yet to make a senior appearance there, he has 17 goals in 26 appearances for their u17 side” Well!
5: NZonzi
If it is transfer news it is NZonzi. “Arsenal & Barcelona on alert as Sevilla deny Steven NZonzi to Roma rumours” announced N’zonzi waiting for Arsenal or Everton” says
6: Goalkeeper number 24 leaves Arsenal
“Macey has gone to Plymouth,” sayeth the blogs. “Arsenal transfer news: Gunners ‘agree’ £890,000 fee, contract to be signed in coming days,” said someone else. “Why is that inverted common used in the last sentence around ‘agree”?” asked another. “Because it is made up,” said a third. But no he has gone to Plymouth, and jolly nice it is too.
7. Cătălin Cârjan.
According to Digisport, Arsenal have agreed a deal for the Romanian Cătălin Cârjan.
He is with Viitorul Domnesti midfielder is expected to join in December when he turns 16. VD are a League III side from Romania. There won’t be any official confirmation from the Gunners as the player will join as a scholar, but Carjan revealed the news of his move on Instagram according to our man with a spot.
“Arsenal earned a reputation for securing top young talents during Arsene Wenger’s long stint at the Emirates Stadium and it seems things will not be changing under the guidance of Unai Emery, as a midfielder has confirmed his future switch.”
Carjan has told Digi Sports “that he will be joining the Gunners when he turns 16 in December, having previously spent time on-trial in north London.”
8. Niang Niang
“Unai Emery may be ready to add to his attacking ranks at Arsenal as Senegal striker M’Baye Niang’s future with Torino remains up in the air” says a rather dull report in Azaniapost.
He’s with Torino, made 26 appearances last season, scoring four goals. “He is a handful for defenders with his searing pace and direct style of play but his modest scoring record has held him back from progressing to the next level of European football.”
9: Domagooj Vida
Turkish Football say that this Besiktas player who is 29 and from Croatia could be on his way to Arsenal. He’s a defedder.
10: Mustafi
“Shkodran Mustafi set for Arsenal exit with Gunners setting asking price at £22.3m for German…” announces the Foot Lond claims “reports from Turkey claim there is a ‘high probability’ Shkodran Mustafi will join Galatasaray on loan if Arsenal cannot offload him permanently.”
However Fanatik claim Galatasaray had a loan offer for Mustafi rebuffed by Arsenal. But “Arsenal slap £22.3m price tag on German international’s head amid Turkish interest” says
11. OD
“Did Aubameyang’s dad hint that Ousmane Dembele will join Gunners?”
“Is this the clue Ousmane Dembele will join Gunners?” Express
“Ousmane Dembele fuels Arsenal speculation as he enjoys dinner with Gunners stars in London” Mail
“Your guess is as good as mine” Untold Arsenal.
TBR Football say A Bola, cited by Sport Witness, have stated Sporting Lisbon is his destination.
So there we are. 12 stories from today’s media. Now you know it all.
- Nine weird stories, rows, twists and turns as the transfer window closure get closer.
- How Arsenal will line up in the coming season, and being a trends editor.
This story /rumour has been on the internet for more than 10 years .
HOW THE CHINESE STAYED PUT IN ITALY
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked an old man named Ah Pek to represent them.
As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be added to the debate.
‘To be fair’, he said, ‘neither side would be allowed to talk’. The Pope agreed.
On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.
Ah Pek pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay.”
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.” He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
“Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.”
“I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.”
“He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”
Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what’s happened in the debate.
“Well”, said Ah Pek, “First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my MIDDLE finger and asked him to fly kite, and that none of us was leaving.”
“Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.”
“Yes, and then?”, asked the crowd.
“I don’t know.”, said Ah Pek, “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”
I like transfer rumours as do most other fans.
Surely the most fascinating one at the moment is gazidis to milan.
Looks like Gazidis and the board are having a similar conversation. hahahaha
I don’t know if it is fascinating. It just is. We transferred in a number of members of the management team to handle elite performance, contracts, legal arrangements, transfers, injury prevention and so on and they are all in place. So if Mr Gazidis goes, everything else in the club remains fixed and any applicant knows exactly what he is going to get.
I’ve always found Mr Gazidis brilliant at his job – if he does leave, the new man or woman will have a lot to live up to in terms of making himself available and handling an incredibly varied job. And of course there is no transfer window for non-players so if he does go, he might well wait for a new person to be put in place. Rather like any business.
Hmm… It seems odd to leave just as you’ve essentially restructured the entire backroom team.
Also, I think he’s been a terrible CEO. Misleading fans over finance for years and embarrassing himself over ffp when everyone knew it wouldn’t hold up.
I’d be optimistic but I have a feeling Josh kroenke will succeed him. He’ll be even worse.
Brick you made me laugh out loud as usual, if on;y I was one of those people who remembered jokes.
Nzonzi isn’t even a thing, it’s purely made up.
Chuba just confirmed, Macey has gone out on loan.
so with 6 days to go, where do we stand…… Ospina seems agreed, likely medical, he’ll be on holiday and most other leagues start later (more advantage europe).
The fee muted for Perez is £7m £10m les than we paid, so lets hope that the previous loan fee, was an accurate representation of the value of that year of his contract, makes that a lot better. Again we need this one over the line.
Nothing on Jenkinson…….?????
Nothing on Campbell….?????
Both are listed on the official club website, along with 27 other names.
Nothing on Welbeck….?????
OK so Monreal again I think must be on his bike, those who reached the same phase as he have returned, and he didn’t exactly feature.
I expect a flurry of activity accross the league in this last 6 days, especially given that two of them are this weekend.]]I suspet a number of teams may come in for Danny and Carl, as they look to bulster ther ranks without breaking the bank.
For me only two players are key, Mustarfi and Cech, if the former goes, we need a replacement, and with a fee sounded out on Soyuncu, I’d move immmediately for him or Rugani. If Monreal is departing, we would be well advised to get someone in. This one is particularly strange.
I stilll expect the departure of
Perez
Jenkinson (possibly on loan)
Ospina (TBC)
Welbeck
Cech
Mustarfi
will all be dependant on the offer tabled.
The one to watch out for is Ramsey, United have aparently agreed terms for Mina of Barcelona, the fee wasn’t too dissimilar to that of Digne, so United wont exacty struggle with that. The point being, Osumane, for Ramsey could be on the cards, we wont want to sell, but if Rambo has said, Wenger called it a day, which is all I needed to know, then we have a problem, a loan deal, possibly with a high value option to buy, could well be the deal sweetener, to ensure we don’t keep a player against his will.
If you aske me, I say to the Spanish leagu, (less inhjury potential, Ramsey is worth at least the CR7 fee.
As Mikhi said, Ramsey is the epitome of ARSENAL. they didn’t just make changes, they took the guts out.
Kos is on his way as well. What will that make Hector the longest serving player, ready to join the Catalan revolution…….?
We don’t seem to have a formation
We don’t seem to have the right squad balance
We have 5 players who need to move in 6 days
We don’t have any width
We are selling our identity
The Fanbase remains divided
The Wengerarians remains disillusioned
The Director, good Director, better suited to a different sphere, not football, maybe finance, they’re all sharks, and I don’t trust his self aspiring politics, he’ll take a pay rise, knows what’s been done at Arsenal and will happily exchange hot weather and lax regulation, for oh anonymity, Mueller, we have another one for you.
The situation, we need to replace Monreal, and get a monreal who can deliver a little better in the final third and traverse the 74yrds that is the Emirates time and time again.
If we don’t we are going to be needing the Gods and Luck that’s Labour (hard work then) Under the Correct ( so we need a formation and width) Knowledge (what you say, game management), just to make the top four.
Allisson
and the midfield dynamos were exactly what Liverpool needed.
Chelsea haven’t really changed, but the modd will be a little better, but I suspect they will be dismantled lastminute.com and the Ruskis will say they couldn’t keep unhappy players and didn’t have time to reinvest due to the window. Hazard is a fool if he stays, Willian clearly is nobody’s fool. If either goes, Real and PSG will come in for Courtois and Kante, that’s really why they bought Jorginho, to hamper City, who are almost at their spending limit, it’s £50m a window, and they did £60m, they may sell Fernandinho or Gundagan, but the wages are always a stumbling block for them, they are so wealthy, they think they are offering peanuts at £150k a wek.
If anything saves us, it’ll be Wenger, anf his bargain buys, we have low value assets, in a inflated economy, orange mate, fooking orange.
we need to swap 5 for 2.
Oh so at least Sam and I were right about the number of signings………..
Come the end of the season I want to still be a Gooner, but rather than oust a great manager, when I boycott, few will notice, but what I represent is the demographic, the HUGE demographic Wenger bought to the club, we aren’t Georgie’ boys, nay neither are we Norris’, we are the body of the Clubs fanbase, those who know that the best football we played, the greatest players we have are owed to one man, and by and large, you know what, there aren’t hardly any of us wearing shirts, squeezed by our own regime, we are have not the disposable, nor the honour.
As a friend said, there is trouble in Katanga!
We played real opposition twice, and mustered a solitary goal on each occassion.
The bright side was kids won a penalty shoot out for us, with Iwobi (who needs a lift and som goalscoring compsure winning it for us). Bare in mind Hazard and Willian were not available, did Tibault ven play, no. IN fact it was the team I expect to be left after the window closes, minus maybe Morata, but they don;t need to rush, the player is ambitious and only just acquired, he;ll play!
In regards to point 6, Macey leaving looks to be a season long loan rather than a sale.
I like the one about Alexanderhenry to Top 11 Radio Club 103.
I am not sure you have met many CEOs