FITNESS TO PRACTICE ABSOLUTE AND TRUE AKBISM
The word AKBISM , is derived from two distinct sources – the abbreviation AKB or Arsene Knows Best, is meant to represent that hardcore grouping of football fans that pledge their allegiance to that greatest manager of Arsenal, Arsene Wenger, while the ISM is a noun that is defined as a distinctive doctrine, theory or practice .
In its very finest essence it is the distinctive belief that our manager does really know best, and in whose hands we the AKBs place our trust, faith and hopes for the well being and betterment of Arsenal FC .
Over the years the numbers of AKBs had seem to have dwindled as they went underground as firstly that 9 years without a trophy crap was oft repeated, cruelly, but then totally abandoned by the winning of 2 back to back FA Cups.
It was soon followed by no EPL title in 12 years (very true), and that the 4th place is not a trophy naysayers. But last season’s third place finish (and FA Cup canter) and this season’s last game second place dramatic finish has re -galvanised interest in this 20 year old practice.
Millions of previously confused (blame the media for that!) and disfranchised Arsenal fans are now flocking back to the fold. Any many come on here on Untold Arsenal to read and learn from the most ardent, brilliant and loyal supporters that write and post on these hallowed halls.
As I welcome all you newbies and younglings here, I urge you to read, fill and sign the following forms to officially make you one of US . There are no fees or hidden costs, but I urge you to be sincere and true.
Welcome!
Brickfields Gunners .
DECLARATION FORM FOR THE PRACTICE OF ABSOLUTE
AND TRUE AKBISM
The ARSENE KNOWS BEST COUNCIL ( The “AKB Council” or hereafter termed the “Council” ) reserves all rights to withhold and/or to terminate an application for registration and/or to take any action it deems fit, if any information or documents tendered is found subsequently to be false.
It is an offence in the eyes of the High Canon, His Grace, the Attwood of Tony, to make any false statements, to provide any false information and/or document(s) to the Council.
The Council may make any inquiries or obtain any information and documents that it deems appropriate.
If you are unsure about whether a matter is important please inform the Council about it and provide full details to enable the Council to make a decision.
The information provided in this application will be governed by the Council’s Guidelines on Confidentiality.
PERSONAL DETAILS
NAME :
Identity Card , Social Security or Passport Number :
Number of years as an Arsenal fan :
HEALTH /MENTAL CONDITION .
| a. Do you have a health/mental condition – YES / NO .
Note – Being called insane , stupid or foolish by fans of other clubs or even by ‘them’ cannot be deemed as a valid or informed diagnosis ! |
| (If the answer to the question is “Yes” please complete the rest of this section. If the answer is “No”, please go to next section )
b. Please state the full nature of the condition c. What was the date of the diagnosis d. Does the condition still affect you? YES / NO e. If no, please state the date when you were last affected by the condition If yes , state your present treatment and expected time of full recovery. |
EMPLOYMENT
If you have been offered employment or gainfully employed – Have you informed them of your intention of becoming an avowed AKB? YES / NO
(If YES , go to the next section . )
If NO , then , why –
- Its none of his bloody business.
- He is a SPUD, and always tells me go back down/up the river .
- He is one of ‘them ‘. Always being negative .
- He is one of them who asks why not just have 22 balls, so that each one can do his own thang !
- other reasons ( please elaborate )
DISCIPLINARY RECORD
Have you ever been reprimanded, suspended or banned by a football club or a regulatory authority in your or any another country ?
** Please TAKE note that the Council does not recognize the authority of FIFA , UEFA , The English FA , The Premier League or that of PIGMOB , which in our eyes are more crooked than most governments.
YES / NO ( If the answer to the question is “Yes” please complete the rest of this section. If the answer is “No”, please go to next section.)
Details of the football authority that imposed the sanction, including your reference/registration number; documentary evidence of the sanction imposed; and a full statement from you of the background and grounds of the sanction. Information of any appeal on the sanction (successful or not) must be submitted. Humorous youtube videos and funny GIFs will be acceptable .
Has an employer ever taken disciplinary action against you for footballing reasons? YES /NO
( If YES , complete the rest of the section . If NO go on to the next section.)
Documentary evidence of the nature of the disciplinary action undertaken by the employer; contact details (Names, Address, Telephone number and Email) of person(s) involved at the employing organisation that we can approach to secure further information and details; and a full statement on the nature of the allegation and any other information you would wish us to consider. Information of any appeal including legal action (successful or not) must be submitted .
We will help ‘straighten out’ any mistakes done to you by sending the usual suspects to your place of employment . Soon you work life will be as joyous as supporting the Arsenal!
St. Totteringham’s Day is a legitimate public holiday and a day of great rejoicing for all Gunners . Any employer who does not allow this will be again visited by the ‘ boys ‘.
CRIMINAL RECORD
Have you ever been convicted of an offence in a court of law or been cautioned, either in your country or any another country ?
*** Again streaking in the 70s & 80s at football stadiums are not considered as real crimes! As are certain happenings at Woodstock and things that stay in Las Vegas ! Or happy endings at Asian massage parlours .
YES / NO ( If yes complete the below section . If NO – CONGRATULATIONS!)
Details of the date of the conviction; name and address of the court; and the details of the penalty (if applicable) that was imposed.
If you had held posters, banners, worn black scarves or carried black bin bags, these are considered as heinous crimes towards the Arsenal . Unless the bag was worn over on your head !
DECLARATION
I declare that the particulars stated in this application are complete and the documents attached are true and authentic, and the information contained herein remains unchanged to date. To the best of my knowledge and belief, I have not withheld any material fact.
That I will in each and every way support the manager , the team and the club to the best of my ability , and will ever remain faithful therein . Any trophy won is an added bonus and a CL place is not be scoffed at .
And finally I pledge myself to be a loyal and just AKB for life ; faithfully , zealously and righteously to the best of my ability and conscience . And may Arsene be my judge .
Signature
- Delving into our criminal past (and its got nothing – well not much – to do with Arsenal…)
- The evidence that games in the Premier League might have been fixed in 2015/16
- Xhaka speaks; he’s a leader, he’s humble, and he came here because of Wenger.
Untold Arsenal has published five books on Arsenal – all are available as paperback and three are now available on Kindle. The books are
- The Arsenal Yankee by Danny Karbassiyoon with a foreword by Arsene Wenger.
- Arsenal: the long sleep 1953 – 1970; a view from the terrace. By John Sowman with an introduction by Bob Wilson.
- Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football. By Tony Attwood, Andy Kelly and Mark Andrews.
- Making the Arsenal: a novel by Tony Attwood.
- The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal by Mark Andrews.
You can find details of all five on our new Arsenal Books page
I’m out and proud of my AKBism.
Thank you, your grace for publishing this . Was thinking that the fruits of my labour may have ended up in limbo .
I was about to go off to bed , but then suddenly ,..”I felt a great disturbance in the farce , as if millions of ‘them’ voices suddenly crying out as in terror …….then alL of a sudden silence ..!”
Very much the way the reaction was to the destruction of Alderaan in the future . In a galaxy far , far away ! Many clips were sent back to Earth , but may not all be true-
https://www.memecenter.com/fun/3906069/true-history-of-distruction-of-alderaan .
@ Bernard Cordell – May 27, 2016 at 6:40 pm -Welcome , the first among the millions that shall throng these hallowed halls of sanity ! May you know only joy , always !
I take it the article is meant as a joke?
Great piece Brickfields Gunners, gave me a good laugh and somethings off it so very true.
Well done Brickfields, sign me up!
@Top Guns, why would the article be a joke? 🙂
LOL 😉 🙂
Amen, sir 🙂
Brilliant!
Lost in translation –
It was my first time visiting Dr. Putz for a colonoscopy. I went into his office for my very first rectal exam. His new blond nurse, Ethel, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer.
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse:
“Damn it, Ethel! I said a BUTT light.”
A variant of the above joke is often quoted and shared by Freemasons .It was supposed to have occurred in a Lodge in Australia on a hot summer evening.
A new initiate who was blindfolded ,and being conducted around the lodge , at a certain point in the ceremony was asked that having been kept forquite a considerable time in darkness , what was his fervent wish .
The candidate , sweating profusely and obviously very thirsty blurted out,
” Beer!”, just as his conductor prompted the correct expected answer , ” Light !”
Immediately the candidate said , ” A lite beer will be okay too !”
Top Guns
I don’t think so.
Nice work Brickfields!More more more!
can I get some kind of “member card” or anything for this?
sukebe – cards are in the post!!! 😉
There’s only one Arsene Wenger!! & only one Brickfields Gunners
@ Menace – May 28, 2016 at 11:35 am – Thanks . Our New Members Registration computers seem to be overwhelmed at present with millions of applications .I would advice patience to our Newbies as we sift through them.
If you haven’t received your card soon , then it could only mean that either you were outrightly rejected ,or that the FBI and other involved government agencies may be having problems in vetting your application .
Again , thank you for making AKBISM the fastest growing movement ever since that last day of the season . We do hope to double or even triple our membership as Tony and UA reveal the truth about last season’s strange going ons .
Good stuff BG. In Wenger I Trust and In Arsenal I Support!!!
May AW reign last for another 20 years.
a. Do you have a health/mental condition – YES
b. Please state the full nature of the condition – I’ve been a Gooner for 68 years and think that a degree of paranoia has crept in.
c. What was the date of the diagnosis? About 1951 after we lost to Newcastle
d. Does the condition still affect you? YES and will continue until I leave the planet. In the meantime, I’ll just keep the faith both in AW and in my beloved club.
And talking about those with multiple and fake identities, many don’t realise that the way one ‘speaks’ online is easily distinguishable, much in the same way as one speaking orally. There are a few people who have been appearing here under different names, assuming a new one each time their old one gets rumbled.
The pattern is very easy to spot; user A gets rumbled for using fake needs or multiple identies, they disappear from this site only to be replaced almost instantaneously by user B, who would not have been seen previously on these boards. And they’ll seemingly pick the conversation up from where user A left off. Come on, you have to try harder than that to fool us, we aren’t idiots. And no, these individuals don’t suffer in any way from AKBISM, rather theirs is a condition that I’m tempted to think BG would diagnose as WOBISM 🙂
Fake creds, not needs….
True Akb
Fascinating video on part of AW life.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ROAY4vpttTM
@ Al -May 28, 2016 at 1:26 pm – Have noticed the same pattern over the years . But still they don’t learn . In the end they will again post from the wrong e-mail address and get banned .
The sad part is when they try to worm in and integrate themselves here only for their bias to be exposed . I never take them on nor do I reply to them even if a question is put to me . I may say something sarcastic or most often post a joke to poke fun at their stupidity . Believe me , there is a lot of jokes out there !
@ Gf60 – May 28, 2016 at 12:24 pm – A big LIKE from me !
@ Polo – May 28, 2016 at 2:00 pm – Thanks form that awesome link. Watching that clip , he comes off looking like a throughbred when compared to the rest of his peers – cart horses and transport mules !
Glad you like it BG.
Bring back some memories, this is my favourite video, never get bored of watching it.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S_07W3C4tSw
@ Polo – I have the CD and its a proud possession in my Arsenal collection . When I need a picker upper , this is what I would watch .
Thanks for that link Polo.
BG
“will again post from the wrong e-mail address and get banned….”, lolz, that cracked me up coz that’s exactly what happens all the time! I have been left speechless at times by how some of them somehow manage to get themselves caught, again and again, by doing something that’s really stupid, like respond to an argument they’re having with someone using a different name to the one they used initially. I couldn’t, and still can’t, stop the laughing at that one! ? 🙂 Complete idiots.
I’ll follow your lead from now on and totally blank them.
I am and have always been a AKB
Other information to follow because my above statement needed to be stated
BKG may I suggest that you include the additional question of are you or have you ever been a member of the Wenger out brigade.
We could set up a commission to follow up on this question which could include open sessions.
Now that I think about it maybe not it has to much in common with McCarthyism.
I’d still use the question?
Who can possibly dislike this? Great stuff Brickfields, here’s to my AKBism too!
@ Gunnerjoe – May 29, 2016 at 12:14 am – Once the person recognises the true light and wholeheartedly embraces AKBISM , he is immediately and unconditionally divested and cleared of his past misdeeds , actions , thoughts , doubts , transgression , words , tweets and words .
The past is left behind and forgotten , while a future of enlightenment , joy and bliss awaits . Enjoy !