by Sir Hardly Anyone
If you are a regular reader you’ll know we regularly carry lists of all the players being tipped to come to Arsenal during each transfer window.
Normally the accuracy level of these newspaper and blog predictions is dreadful – about 3% – or to put it the other way around 97% of the reports turn out to be total invention.
You would think that this would destroy all credibility in newspaper journalists and bloggers and that by now they would have scurried out the door to take up residence in the famous journalist drinking den “The Toppled Bollard” where a double means two pints of gin and a whisky chaser.
But no, they carry on as if somehow their services are required by the general football-going public. And so time after time we try to make fun of these scoundrels by publishing their transfer tales.
The first run was published just yesterday, and now here is our first chart containing all those discovered for the last edition plus a load more, those new ones cunningly given the word “new” at the start of the line.
| Player | Currently At | Position | Source / Notes | |
| NEW | Nathan Ake | Bournemouth | Centre back | FoLo. Chelsea want him |
| NEW | Max Aarons | Norwich | Full back | £30m; Mail |
| NEW | Jerome Boateng | Bayern Munich | Centre back | Gunnersphere |
| 4 | Merih Demiral | Juventus | Defendender 50m. | Fotomc / Sport Witness |
| 5 | Firmino | Liverpool | Attacking midfield | TalkSport. Speculation |
| 6 | Omari Forson | Man U | Attacking midield | He’s 15; HITC |
| 7 | Bruno Guimarães | Athletico Paranaense | Midfield | |
| NEW | Thomas Lemar | Atletico Madrid | Left Wing | Read Arsenal |
| 9 | Thomas Meunier | PSG | Right back | World Soccer Talk |
| 10 | Thomas Partey | Atletico Madrid | Defensive midfield | Express |
| 11 | Adrien Rabiot | Juventus | Midfield | Star. £25m |
| NEW | Boubakary Soumare. | Lille | Midfield | Read Arsenal |
| 13 | Dominik Szoboszlai | Red Bull Salzburg | No 10 | FoLo |
| NEW | Samuel Umtiti | Barcelona | Centre back | Sport Witness |
| 15 | Cengiz Under | Roma | Winger | The Boot Room. £34m |
| 16 | Dayot Upamecano | Leipzig | Central defence | Express. France u-21 |
| 17 | Kevin Volland | Bayer Leverkusen. | Forward | World Soccer Talk |
As you can see we currently have 17 tips. More will come in due course.
Protagonist in chief of this tripe is FoLo – or Football London owned by the Daily Mirror, which publishes around 40 Arsenal stories a day.
Overall accuracy of these reports can be noted from a comment in Team Talk where they reveal that Arsenal are going to sign Dayot Upoamecano. Arsenal (they tell us) “have one of the leakiest defences in the Premier League, having so far conceded 30 goals…”
So time to check the facts. Here is how the table would look if success were measured not by points but by goals conceded.
| Pos | Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Liverpool | 20 | 19 | 1 | 0 | 49 | 14 | 35 | 58 |
| 2 | Leicester City | 21 | 14 | 3 | 4 | 46 | 19 | 27 | 45 |
| 8 | Sheffield United | 21 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 23 | 21 | 2 | 29 |
| 9 | Crystal Palace | 21 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 19 | 23 | -4 | 28 |
| 3 | Manchester City | 21 | 14 | 2 | 5 | 56 | 24 | 32 | 44 |
| 5 | Manchester United | 21 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 32 | 25 | 7 | 31 |
| 7 | Wolverhampton Wanderers | 21 | 7 | 9 | 5 | 30 | 27 | 3 | 30 |
| 4 | Chelsea | 21 | 11 | 3 | 7 | 36 | 29 | 7 | 36 |
| 14 | Brighton and Hove Albion | 21 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 25 | 29 | -4 | 24 |
| 6 | Tottenham Hotspur | 21 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 36 | 30 | 6 | 30 |
| 10 | Arsenal | 21 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 28 | 30 | -2 | 27 |
Yes, measured by defences, Arsenal are exactly half was down the league, with 30 goals conceded, the same as Tottenham. So in terms of using the language in its normal sense Arsenal actually have a totally average defence, not one of the leakiest.
And of course if a reporter cannot even get that little diddly bit of information right, it is not surprising when he or she can’t tell which players and which are not coming to Arsenal.
But they have their jobs and someone must keep paying them (although it certainly ain’t me) and they go on and on and on churning out nonsense,
We’ll have some more rumours anon.
Latest Arsenal poised to swoop for every player on the planet sources say an insider said ” oh yeah it’ll be like the last transfer window more or less.