Who will Arsenal sign in the last days and which 4 players have gone missing?

• Why is the media so certain Arsenal will fail in 2022/23?

By Sir Hardly Anyone

I thought I would pass a few minutes glancing at the press to see who Arsenal are about to sign, and I found something rather curious, so I thought I had best share it with you.   For it seems four players have gone missing!

The Express

The Headline: Arsenal turning to Fabio Vieira’s agent to help them land ‘expensive player they want’ 

• The Translation: Arsenal want to sign Pedro Neto.

Who is he? A winger with Wolverhampton Wanderers.

The Standard

The Headline: Zaha update

• The translation: There has been a tale published in the media in this summer transfer window, and the one before and the one before that.   The story in fact emerged before the window opened, and it is still doing the rounds.  Zaha to Arsenal?  Well, I guess you never know.

The Boot Room

The Headline: Arsenal may find it much easier to sign £38m attacker after what happened last night

• The translation: PSV were only prepared to consider selling Gakpo once they had faced Rangers in their Champions League play-off tie.   PSV lost and so are not in the Champs League and so are ready to sell.

This is Futbol

The Headline: ‘As far as I’m aware’ – Charles Watts drops Pedro Neto to Arsenal transfer claim

• The translation: “As far as I’m aware, I don’t think there’s been any contact between the actual two clubs.”  (Is that actually “a claim” or is it not just an admission of a lack of knowledge?)

Metro

The Headline: Mikel Arteta continues clear-out with Arsenal outcast set to join Southampton

• The translation: It’s Ainsley Maitland Niles

The Boot Room

The Headline: Report: Southampton are now showing more interest than West Ham United in signing ‘tremendous’ PL player

• The translation: It’s Ainsley Maitland Niles

Sky

The Headline: Which Premier League players could be on the move before transfer window shuts?

The translation

• Hector Bellerin: In talks to terminate contract.
• Ainsley Maitland-Niles: Bournemouth and Southampton interested.
• Reiss Nelson: Spent last season at Feyenoord, and currently injured, but could go on loan again.
• Nicolas Pepe: Deal agreed to join Nice on season-long loan.

Daily Canon

The Headline: Medical Today

• The translation: Nice are taking Pepe on loan

Football.London

The Headline: Arsenal’s transfer window advantage

• The translation “as many as 31 players have left the club in one form or another”

Now at this point we stopped and wondered if that could be true.   None of us could quite work out what “in one form or another” could actually mean – are they being transmuted into alien beings and beamed to Pluto perhaps?  But we left that and instead went a counting.  We also wondered about “as many as 31 have left”.   I mean, it’s either 31 or it’s not, isn’t it?  So we thought we had better count.

Here’s what we found…