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Bogus Cheese runs her finger over the pundits.

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Victory Through Harmony

by Bogus Cheese

Hey ho one and all.  Phil says his email has screwed itself to a fire hydrant and he can’t get it out for the moment.  If he can he’ll send in another piece, so this is a quick holding pattern, a resume, a little piece of insight, a bon mot, a jolly interlude, a bit of cream cracker, some seriously strong Cheddar, and a spot of Camembert.

Le team…

CZszcnyzxcz (le Pole)

Sagna, Djourou Koscielny, Clichy

Song, Wilshere (le petit fromage)


Walcott (le very speedy), Van P, Nasri

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Les substitutes

Shea, Eboué, Gibbs, Miquel, Rosicky, Eastmond, Denílson, Chamakh, Vela, Arshavin, Bendtner

Chamakh and Denílson are all fine after going to foreign parts (well Leeds).  Ramsey and JET have trotted off to foreign parts (Wales) so I think I might toddle along to see the new Cardiff stadium next time we are playing away and its not on TV.

So now, let us compare and contrast.

Our current record is WDWDWL, while Wigan’s is DDLDWD.  Which means they have drawn four and we have drawn two, they have won one and we have won three.  We’ve each lost one.  I can also say that this is a game where normally there are goals in the last few minutes in this game, so all those silly people who get up and trot away with no thought for others will almost certainly miss a goal.

Wigan don’t score many goals chez nous (zero in the last four or five) and generally have goats cheese at half time.   And here’s another one, Robin hits the post more than everyone else in the league.  What do you think of that?  And Wigan don’t get corners.   And another little biscuit – we have had five penalties and they have all been taken by different cheese  – which is a bit odd.

Now the serious stuff.   We have scored 45 which is the best in the league and Wigan have scored 19 which is the worst in the league.

We have let in 22 (the other top 3 sides 19) and Wigan 34.   We’ve won 13 which is equal best with Man C who have played one more, while Wigan have won four, which is equal worst.  Both clubs have drawn four, which is bottom in the draw charts (three teams have drawn 11 which is top of the draws).  Wolves are the lowest with 3, but their cheesy intake is extremely low.

Now if one combines all this information I would say we will win, or draw, or lose.  One or the other, unless the game is abandoned.  Or postponed due to hiccups.  Or a lack of the yellow stuff.

Other factors of note in the season to date: Aston Villa and Birmingham are in 16th and 17th, the three bottom teams begin with W (as pointed out before), there are four teams starting with B which is the most popular letter.

There are five London teams in the EPL (ourselves, Fulham, Chelsea, Tottenham, WHU) and curiously this is the number there usually is.  It is therefore likely that if QPR come up (which is indeed likely) then WHU will go down.  They will be accompanied by either Cardiff or Swansea (in my guesswork).  Preston will go down, and Brighton and Huddersfield will go up from Division 3.  Just thought you would like to know.  (These time machines are very good).

And in the last round of the FA Cup we played against one of our own players Sanchez Watt, (but I suspect most people didn’t notice since he hardly got a cheer at the Ems when introduced).  The same could happen again if Benik Afobe plays for Huddersfield.  Incidentally, Wellington Silva is now playing with Levante, but that has nothing to do with Wigan.

Right, that’s it.

Where are you Phil?

Snooping around Wigan.   (This might be a health hazard)

9 comments to Bogus Cheese runs her finger over the pundits.

  • Rhys Jaggar

    All I’d say is that if Arsenal can play like they did against Leeds at Elland Road, they should do fine.

  • RedGooner

    Wigan may have got a draw at home but at the emirates with a team now firing on all cylnders Arsenal will be a different prospect, AW has a better idea of how he wants to rotate now and we should all going well win comfertably.

  • ugandan goon

    i am having problems with my time machine, bloody amstrad!, any chance of a forecast on song’s haircut for tomorrows match? i have cheeky fiver burning a hole in my pocket.

  • Song will wear a puce and maroon wig with a dainty flower above his right ear.

  • ugandan goon


  • RedGooner

    Johan Djourou had a tint of red at leeds. I will bet Ugandan he does a Song and goes blonde before the end of the season.
    Maybe after the league cup final all going well.

  • Dark Prince

    It will be very crucial for Arsenal to take a lead as early as possible. The games against West Ham, Birmingham and Leeds showed us that an early goal is vital for a big victory. Also it wud be expected for Wigan to park the bus, so we’ll have to plan for such tactics.

  • I suspect that for today’s game everyone will wear a wig.

    PS More serious discussion continues in the next article – Phil got his computer working after all.)

  • Jerom J.

    I can’t seem to imagine van Persie being a red head or a blonde or any other colour for that matter… hahah