Self Help Guide to dealing with defeat.
By Dr Brian
Right all you whining doom mongers and nay sayers read no further. Just lie back and luxuriate in the masturbatory self deception that you were right all along.
For the rest of us there is another game this week end so we cannot afford to sulk.
Basically we all have seven steps to complete before the next challenge confronts us; the quicker you can complete them the happier you will be.
Or your money back!
Shock and Denial
This is when the reality of the situation hits you square between the eyes. You feel like shit on a stick. You may even think you are dreaming. It can’t have happened!
Well it did. So accept it and move on.
Pain and Guilt
Oh, oh, this is when you reach for the bottle, or vial. Don’t worry you still feel like shit on a stick, but with the added bonus of sick around your toilet, piss in your wardrobe and a hangover.
When the headache wears off and you stop vomiting, relax in the certain knowledge nothing has changed.
Well it hasn’t. Stop hiding behind your drugs and move on.
Now you are righteously pissed off and like everyone else you need a target for your rage. Manager, player, referee, all are common choices. Many bloggers get stuck here; it is an unhealthy place to be.
Having expressed your anger please try to relax. Fill out insurance claim forms, attend police station, apologise to partner as appropriate and move on.
Hate to say it but this is where the Whinging part of your nature expresses itself in all of its glory. If” ifs and ands were pots and pans, we’d have no need for tinkers!”
Nobody likes a whinger. Feel free to miss out this stage, but don’t fall foul of the buy a new team, sack the manager, they’re all against me conspiracy.
This tends to be tiresome eventually, the quicker you desist the quicker you may return to full health.
Can be tricky to navigate this one. You’ve got the choice of antidepressants or seek the company sane minded people.
Get out and about, but remember to leave your shitty stick at home.
Testing and Reconstruction
Getting back to reality and greeting the sun rise with a happy smile you are almost healed again. You look forward to life and whatever the world may throw at you. Your alcohol intake has returned to normal and the wife/girlfriend just might be thinking about speaking to you again.
Keep on keeping on!
Well that wasn’t so bad was it? I mean nobody died, did they?
After all we are still in the hunt for (….fill in as appropriate….).
Now who are we playing next?
Untold Arsenal on Facebook here
If you think things are up and down now, try the world in 1910, when Arsenal went bust and then arose from the ashes to form the modern club. Making the Arsenal. Details here.
- Everton v Arsenal: a happy video, line-up and what the league table will look like after
- Everton v Arsenal: Injuries, points needed for 4th, and Arsenal the first to 100?
- Everton v Arsenal: extraordinary figures seen in the last 6 games table
- Everton v Arsenal: how this referee treats the home and away team
- Everton v Arsenal and the oddity of referee behaviour