By Billy the Dog, landlord of the Toppled Bollard, Islington.
I had that Arsene Wenger round here the other night doing his basso profundo with the carol singers. They were collecting money for the Arsenal transfer funds which are somewhere between desperation and zero.
“Ere Arse,” I said, adopting the familiar style that is customary for gentleman of my profession. “What you spending all that dosh on?”
Apparently the club is persuading Dennis Bergkamp to play for a few games to help Arsenal through its attacker crisis. I thanked the boss for the inside information and called my man at the Sun, and he paid me £50. Not bad.
After that we had the usual Christmas Party from the staff at Islington Planning Department and they told me that Arsenal never complied properly with the planning regulations on the Emirates and it is going to have to be pulled down next summer. Seems the club is going to ground share with West Iceland. I sold that story to the Mirror who gave me £80.
Thinking I was on a roll (or is that a role) I called the Guardian and told them that Nasri had got the expected three game suspension for being slapped in the face in the game against Hull Spitty. They said they would think about paying me, and then blow me down they used it straight off. http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2009/dec/24/squad-sheets-arsenal-aston-villa
Next up the Daily Excess. I helped them go for “Crouch to Arsenal” to help the club sort out its attacking options. £100.
I chatted up that bird at the Star and gave her “Doubt over Wenger after he refuses to dismiss stories that he will work as deputy coach to Mancini at Man City.” She didn’t pay me, but well, you know…
Then it was the usual free for all, accepting the highest bids from wherever they came. Robin Van Persie to Liverpool on the grounds that they sign players with long term injuries, Eduardo is so fed up with miserable cold London he wants to go back to Croatia, Silvestre has just signed a new 10 year deal, and Arsenal are asking Sol Campbell to return so that he can play centre forward.
You can expect all these stories to appear next week – especially since half the world read that piece about Billy The Dog Denies Close Liaison with Tiger Woods. Well! Really! I say!
Meanwhile that Tony Attwood bloke says he hopes everyone who was given a signed copy of MAKING THE ARSENAL for Christmas understands what you have to do…
1. Look at the cover
2. Read the first diary entry
3. Look at the cover
4. Read the rest of the book.
Apparently that is really important and if you don’t do all that you don’t get the joke. And he says a review of the Arsenal match on Christmas Day 100 years ago will appear on www.blog.woolwicharsenal.co.uk any moment now.
Love and Kisses
Billy the Dog.
PS And a happy Christmas from Tony. I really appreciate the honour that you do me by reading my wild meanderings on this site. Without you it would be a bit like talking to myself. Which as you will know if you read the book, is cheating.
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