By Walter Broeckx
The starting line up was Almunia, Sagna, Gallas, Vermaelen, Traore, Denilson, Diaby, Ramsey, Nasri, Arshavin and Eduardo.
Bolton kick off and launch a rocket at the Arsenal goal. The ball hits Almunia (who is still waving at the crowd behind his goal) on the back of his head and it goes out for a corner. A stunning save, which does his confidence no harm at all.
In the second minute a great pass from Arshavin to Eduardo who turns majestically round his marker and then gives a back pass shot towards the goal. The keeper takes it in his arms and ref Webb mysteriously gives an indirect free kick to Arsenal. Eduardo then knocks a back heal to Almunia who scored his first ever goal for the club. 1-0 to the Arsenal.
After the game the FA charge Eduardo with cheating.
In the fifth minute Bolton has made their 32nd foul in the game. Free kick just outside the Bolton penalty area and Denilson shoots the ball so hard it travels through the net, through the advertising hoarding, and into the first row of the crowd. Webb thinks it went wide. Still 1-0.
Bolton make their 50th foul after 12 minutes and a huge cheer arose from the 17 visiting supporters. It appears they have just broken their own record on this. A possible world record is in the making and the crowd sits up, alert.
Arsenal have some 85 % of the ball but the big snowman in the Bolton goal prevents further scoring.
Just before half time Arshavin who loves the conditions and who is having the time of his life decides to make it 2-0. Everyone agrees apart from one visiting supporter. The rest have left the stand to celebrate 125 fouls in one half after 40 minutes.
2-0 at half time.
Wenger gives a press conference at half time saying that MU will benefit from the FA cup exit next season when they play at home in the third round and lose to Chalfont St Giles of the Beezer Homes League. He also says that Chelsea will drop even more points this month. It is suggested that he may face a prosecution for being a witch.
After half time the Arsenal back five stay in the dressing room as ref Webb gets the game going. Arshavin gets his second by dribbling his way past the 11 Bolton players. 3-0 to the Arsenal.
Seconds later Bolton make their 150th foul of the game.
Wenger has enough of it and walks on the field to have a word with the Ref. Wenger is sent in the stand at the visiting end and has to sit between the visiting fans for the rest of the game. Six of them ask him for his autograph. He obliges with a smile.
After this Arsenal kill off the game in fashion. They keep possession of the ball for 35 minutes without one Bolton player touching the ball or even coming near the ball. Maybe because Arsenal play the ball in their own half and the Bolton caretaker manager has forbidden the Bolton players to come over the half way line.
The Emirates goes wild and cheers the team on. The Mexican waves rolls round the Emirates and the Olééés-shouting are unstoppable.
Ref Webb gives some 15 minutes of extra time because according the new rulebook written by some guy named SAF. Apparently this is now the minimum. In this period the Arsenal players go in the dressing room and the Bolton players don’t even notice it as they were too busy building a second large snowman in front of their goal.
The away fans boo their team off because they didn’t break the world fouling record over the 90 + 15 minutes. When the ref blows the end of the game the missing Arsenal players come out the dressing room in their leather jackets and jeans ready to spit in the general direction of any member of the Bolton staff. None are available so they have a snowball fight.
Arsène Wenger leaves the visiting end and kicks a plastic bottle 3cm. Arsenal will be fined for this and Wenger is expected to get a ban till the end of the season.
What a night at the Emirates!
Editor’s note: It is a sad fact that not one blog reported this match, all of them choosing instead to repeat the media line that the game never took place. It really is a sad day for the blogsphere when so many are taken in by the propaganda of the biased few from docklands.
Extras. Even stranger things happened one hundred years ago in 1910. Read the story in Making the Arsenal. Available from www.amazon.co.uk or from www.shop.firstandbest.co.uk You’ll find 3 pictures of the book on that site – choose the one either for UK, Rest of Europe, or Rest of the World.
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