Oh look what the Sun said about Arsenal

Yesterday (10 July) the Sun wrote some stuff about the Arsenal.  And somehow I just wish that it were true.  Because they also wrote some amusing bits about the lovely people who live down the Lane – the Tiny Totts, not to mention Liverpool Weetabix.

First, that BarbarByesome Blacksheep are buying Hleb for £15 million. Now don’t get me wrong, I liked Hleb and I could see what Wenger wanted from him – and this season he came to the boil nicely. But then he boiled over, and the sending off that ended his season was dumb to say the least. And even I, most relaxed of all supporters, got anxious about the way he would pass to a marked colleague when he was six yards from goal with only the keeper to beat.

So £15 million – that’s a neat £5 million profit. Not bad really. And the replacement fella from France looks good. And anyway the story has been going on for too long so I want it to end.

Right, that’s one Sun story I want to be true.

Second Sun story: that Gilberto is going. Actually in one way I don’t want this to be right. I have loved Gilberto (in a footballing sense you understand) since he joined us. Just the sheer fact of having Brazil’s captain as our captain was something to behold, and he was not called the Invisible Wall for nothing in Brazil. But, he has been a great servant to the club, none of the his Hleb stuff about leaving – he has served us well, and in the first season at the Emirates he really came in and saved us time and time again. So I find him an honourable man and as such I wish him well. Come back in a year or to Gilberto, be our scout in Brazil and bring us in loads of other guys from your homeland.

Third, the Sun says we are finally buying Nasri for £11 million. I rate this guy, and think it is a really good move. I think he is the man for the middle next to Cesc – I could be wrong, I often am, because Wenger has a habit of buying people established in one position and playing them elsewhere, so for all I know he could be our next goalkeeper, but what I have seen on film makes me think this is good.

Fourth we are looking at Radamel Falcao who plays for River Plate. He’s 22 and a centre forward. Now what is great about this is that we are not buggering about with some 25 year old who will expect to be in the first team every week. We have (as I have said so many times before)…

• Van Persie
• Walcott
• Adebayor
• Bendtner
• Eduardo
• Vela

You can take Adebayor out of that and you still have one hell of a collection of forwards. So buying someone who expects to be in there ahead of everyone else is not on – but buying someone who can come through and prove he is better than the rest – that makes a lot of sense.

Right that’s the Arsenal. But then the Sun goes on to say that the Liverpool Weetabix company are unable to afford David Villa. Don cha jus love it? Liverpool Weetabix is of course one of the teams that is bust and that silly prat of a manager has just discovered according to the Sun that no one in their right (or wrong) mind is going to pay £15 million for Xabi Alonso, so he is stuck, unable to buy. Tee bloody hee. They might not even be able to sign Barry. Ho ho.

And now finally the Sun gets us to the Tiddly Widdly Diddly Tiny Totts. According to the Sun, that bastion of all knowledge, the Totts manager Ramos (which always sounds to me like one of those Latin verbs I had to learn to conjugate at school – or alternatively a character from SG-1), 16 (I repeat, 16) players are up for sale. The whole of the first team, and five subs, including Keane, and Chimbonda – and all to raise money to sign…. Bentley!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, can you imagine being a Diddly Widdly supporter, walking your way back home along Devonshire Hill Lane or somewhere, and reading in the Sun that YOUR ENTIRE TOTAL TEAM HAS BEEN PUT UP FOR SALE because you want to sign Bentley????

And you thought as an Arsenal supporter, you had it tough from the “let’s make it up the pubs are open in five minutes” press.

So, I know it is all a bunch of twaddle, but thank you Mr Sun for giving me a smile and a laugh. I am much obliged