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August 2021

107 goals in 187 games, and he’s coming to Arsenal

By Tony Attwood

It is, it seems, time to work out which keys to press on the keyboard in order to get a letter i with an acute accent over the top, because it now appears that Gonzalo Higuaín is on his way to Arsenal.

While I confidently predicted that, “He’s obviously not going to leave Real Mad until they have got their new manager.  Zidane? Ancelotti?  Bart Simpson?” I was not for the first and certainly not for the last, wrong.  ZZ is making out as if he were coach of the Madmen rather than a mere Director of Football.

Indeed it is as if perhaps the greatest player the world has ever seen (certainly the greatest I have ever seen, and I did see Cruyff twice) has watched what has happened at Newcastle with Joe Kinnear and taken it as a template rather than a dire warning.

ZZ says “Go Gonzalo go” – meaning run like the wind, but the message was misinterpreted as “find a new club mate,” and he has.

Mr Higuaín (note the accent) has agreed terms which some are citing as £6.5m a year while others have it as high as £6.75m a year.  Rather more than me, but still, I’ll have the pleasure of watching him.  (And when thinking of such things we have to note that with Andrey going away we will be saving the £4.95m a year that he earned.)

Of course if I have got this utterly wrong, the AAA will have a good laugh at my expense, but I am rather hopeful that a) I have this right from the sources that still talk to me, and b) I will enjoy watching what the AAA make of it all.  I imagine they will take the credit.

So Gonzalo will be our new record signing, made just as the last record signing Andrey Arshavin leaves.  Better still Gonzalo is turning away from the buy-and-sell factory that is Manchester City.  MC were interested, he said no.  Now we just have some final details on the contract with Real Mad to be sorted (tiny points like when the money will actually be paid) and the lad is off to Vietnam.

Also miffed by the whole thing are Juventus who made such idiots of themselves over the claims that they had signed Bendtner on loan, without checking if he had allowed himself to become overweight.   Bit silly that one and not something that adds to the credibility of the club.

So how much are we paying?  Somewhere between £20m and £25.5m according to those who nipped into the negotiation room saying, “is this the gents?” while quickly looking to see what the various calculators dotted around the place actually said.It is also nteresting that in the list of leavers besides all the ones we know about (Sebastien Squillaci, Denilson, Marouane Chamakh, Bendtner) we now have Andre Santos on the bye-bye list, so more money is available without dipping into the famous old “war chest”.  (Actually who are we at war with?)

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The players come back for kick abouts on July 4, so the deal will be done by then, I am told.  That way Higuaín (note the accent) will be playing for us full-speed full-time from the first match, and will score a hat trick against Tottenham.

That’s the news that has moved up the scale slightly from rumour to very likely.  Back in the rumour camp we have the midfielder Marouane Fellaini from Everton, for £24 million and eternally waiting we have Ashley Williams.  He must be feeling that no one wants him by now.

Incidentally the headline refers to goals for Real Mad in league matches.   For Argentina it is 20 goals in 32.  Good eh?

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49 comments to 107 goals in 187 games, and he’s coming to Arsenal

  • Mandy Dodd

    Hope you are right, and lets face it, the omens look good. Sky claim betting on him coming to us has been suspended. I will always be a bit cautious in expectations after the likes of juan mata, but that was in what is hopefully a different , more painful era. If this happens, a genuine quality signing, a statement of intent. We have recently developed defensive solidity, we have creatives, jack coming back, we now need a clinical finisher to add to girouds attributes. IF this happens, it marks to me at least a new era, we can become a real threat next season. This guy can thrive the way we play. Wonder who will replace him at Madrid? Could Chelsea or city be set to miss out on cavani? Could this money be used to help fund bale?

  • Chris in Deutschland

    Got goosebumps when you mentioned the possibility of a hat trick against the spuds. Hell got goosebumps at the whole idea of us again signing another world class player. I hope this all comes true, more so than my hopes for a hot Hessen summer, but less so than my hopes that our new house purchase sails through 🙂

  • john paul

    i can not wait seeing at emirates next season…

  • alims

    according to those who nipped into the negotiation room saying, “is this the gents?” while quickly looking to see what the various calculators dotted around the place actually said.hahaha. i’ve really enjoyed reading this post.cudos to you!

  • Matt

    Weird that if you quote what the press are saying in a negative way about Arsenal they dont know what they are talking about.

    When they are talking about unconfirmed transfers though it almost becomes fact according to this site.

  • WalterBroeckx

    For me an Arsenal player is only an Arsenal player when it is on the

    However I might wet my pants a bit when they announce it. But wouldn’t be surprised if another Spanish player would come if this deal would fall through at the last minute.

    By the way did you find the gents by now Tony 😉

  • Lishman

    Weird how if you actually read the site regularly that they debunk and mock unconfirmed transfers made in the press and what is also strange is how if you’d read the above article it makes no mention of any publications guesswork and is in fact based around what people in and around the club have said to Tony.

    It would be an excellent signing, I see Higuaín as similar to Villa an excellent striker how has been overshadowed by one of the two best players of the current era and even £25 million could be seen as a bargain for a man with his goal ratio and at his age considering a 28 year old Van Persie cost £24m for one good season.

  • Lobster

    Santos is on the way out!?.. Who’s the dumb bastards? If they don’t want him on a free, I’ll personally pay them 3\4 of what Arsenal payed for Higuain.. Ok the full price + wages, just promise me he’ll never set foot at the Emirates again!

  • Adam

    I just want to point out the irony of this potential signing.

    He was born in France but doesn’t speak French.

    Did Wenger’s data gatherers keep “a-Brest” of this situation or are we signing him just to confuse the British media with this French born, Spanish speaking Argentinian?

  • Shard

    You need to read better. The article clearly states the possibility of this not coming true and attributes his own sources as the basis of the story rather than the media. It seems you like throwing a hissy fit about anything which could be positive about Arsenal.

  • Nelson Wong

    “b) I will enjoy watching what the AAA make of it all. I imagine they will take the credit.”

    Tony, in HongKong we associate this type of behavior with
    fortune teller/ Fung Sui master.

    It is very common for those Fortune Teller/ Fung Sui who really know nothing about their trade to make prediction about everything bit by bit and some years later, they can pull out a newspaper article and claim credit for accurate “forecast of events”. And witches, too. “Since I did this curse for x nunber of years. It works in the end.”

    To be honest, we are tired of this sort of announcements since we get them from political spin doctors daily.

    “(Actually who are we at war with?)”
    Right, Tony! Its just another year of business as usual for a football club that is round much longer than the supporters and will be around much longer in the future. Its not a war, not that long…

  • Just to clarify I do at least admit that only a couple of days back I was told, and repeated here, that there was no chance of Real Mad doing the deal until the new coach/manager was in place. Just seems to be a different scenario now, which is odd, but if it benefits Arsenal, that is fine by me.

  • ES

    Betting has been suspended before and been wrong.

    ‘Winnings’ have been paid out before AND BEEN WRONG.

    Why don’t you wait until he’s standing next to AW holding up a number 20 Arsenal shirt (or 17 if he prefers) before you go sounding off like a tabloid.

    On the other hand if all you are doing is speculating then start another website. Becuase facts and speculation do not mix.

  • Shard

    Does any londoner want to meet either tomorrow or monday and maybe evn saturday although im not sure about my plan then. Im leaving on tuesday

  • Mandy Dodd

    Higuain might actually be a smokescreen for out true intent…Carlton cole?

  • Brickfields Gunners


    Little Johnnie’s father took him to class his first day of school.
    Johnnie’s dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don’t make a bet with him you can’t win.
    The teacher agreed.
    When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, “Teach, I’ll make a bet with you,” she replied “Ok, what?”
    Johnny said “I’ll bet you fifty dollars I can tell you what color panties you have on.”
    She agreed and told him after the last bell he was to stay in the room and then he could guess.
    While Johnny and the class were at recess the teacher took her panties off and put them in her purse, and when school was out Johnny stayed in the classroom and the teacher locked the door and said “Okay Johnny, what color are they?
    He replied “Yellow.”
    So the teacher raised her dress and said “No your wrong, I’m not wearing any.”
    Johnny asked her to walk him out to his dad’s car and he would get her money.
    So, as Johnny passed his dad going to the car the teacher told his dad that Johnny finally got beat.
    He asked what she meant and was told “Johnny bet me fifty dollars he could tell me what color panties I had on, so I took them off.”
    The father replied “That son of a bitch, he bet me a hundred dollars he could see your pussy before the end of the day.”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Speak clearly so as not to be misunderstood !

    The Old Genie!

    A man walks into a bar with a large box. He sits down at the bar, and the bartender goes up to him and asks whats in the box.

    The man says “I’ll show you, but only if you get me a beer.”

    So of course the bartender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a tiny human from the box, and then a tiny piano. The little man sits down and starts playing the piano with skill.

    “Wow!” exclaims the bartender, “that’s amazing, where did you get him from?”

    “For another beer, I’ll tell you.” Says the man. So the bartender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and says: “I got it from a genie.”

    “Really? A real genie??” Says the bartender, “do you think I could borrow him for one little wish?”

    And for another beer the man agrees, but warns: “Speak loudly, he’s 3000 years old and a little deaf.”

    The bartender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bartender the lamp.

    The bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out, looking very old. “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?” Says the tired old genie.

    “I wish for a million bucks!”

    All of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. “What the heck is this?!? I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!” Shouts the bartender in anger.

    And the man says: “Boo hoo, do you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?”

  • Ong Bing

    I also think that Higuain will come to us, Juve don’t have money, that want to pay 12m + 1 or 2 players, and Madrid refused it.

    I also think we already got Sanogo.

    And I bet we will not buy Williams.

    Btw, another players out looks like Sagna and Gerv.

  • JohnW

    I’m an African with an Irish mentality of not counting on something that’s not 100% certain. But should Higuain sign, then we will add another 10-12 more points our last season’s 73; should we improve the midfield further, we could very much nick the EPL next season.

  • victor

    wow wenger spend the mullers on higuain and Rooney .then we become champions brutal in front of opponents.

  • A. Stewart

    Great great signing..I rate him over falcao, cavani, Lewandowski. Hopefully this gets finalized.

  • A. Stewart

    At least 30 goals in all comps next season

  • sperez

    If it’s true, a good signing. He was punished at Real Madrid (relegated to the bench) because he was not a Florentino Perez signing and the likes of Ronaldo and Benzema enjoyed the reputation of being ‘big signings’.
    He is not so fast (but not too slow) but a quality player doesn’t need to have much pace when he has good movement and finishing.
    I just hope Wenger doesn’t haggle and f*ck this up allowing Juventus or other club to snap him up under his nose.

    Meanwhile in Brazil, Sepp Blatter states the Football was more important than people’s dissatisfaction. LOL! What a clown!!!

  • Adam

    It will be interesting, this coming season. Hope renewed. I just wanted to highlight something that has been missed, and that is the past chastisements of the media in claiming Arsenal were too young to win anything.

    Now this coming season we are looking to strengthen, but our squad age is going to be reduced. Squillaci, Arshavin leaving and probably younger players brought in, will the media notice this? And will they start on again that we are too young to win, when, we have reduced the average age of the squad, probably not.

    If we do sign the players being punted about then we would be expected to mount a serious challenge and no mention of age will be made.

    I think Liverpool had the youngest squad last season followed by Aston Villa. We wasn’t far behind and stand to become younger still.

  • Sammy The Snake

    Good one Tony. are confirming that personal terms have been agreed:

    This will be a record signing, and I reckon Gunners will break this record again during this transfer window, once if not twice.

    As always, it’s good to be a Gooner!

  • Charlie

    A team that got 26 points from 30 in the last 10 games of last season with a player that was far from clinical in front of goal leading the line getting a proven goalscorer. Time for optimism, if this comes off. I think defensively the squad needs more depth to be real challengers but with a couple more signings next season could be interesting. Fixtures look good. Relatively easy start to the season for new players to get into their stride. Could make the early running and then who knows !!

  • Adam

    Gotta love, apparently we are involved in 4 matches on the first day of the season, and we are going to buy Ashley Williams, even with Mamadou Sakho in the last year of his contract and wanting out of PSG.

    Sperez, I’m surprised at how little the protests in Brazil have been reported? And their links to the 2014 FIFA World cup.

  • colario

    @Tony. I am surprised at your not waiting for confirmation of the deal on the Arsenal website before posting your comment.

  • Ong Bing

    Our beloved moaner will moan again, no ambition, cheaper than 35m Andy Carol, 50m Torres.

  • Dec

    Who are you, what have you done with Tony and how did you get access to Untold from one of those rumour sites?
    Hope the story is right it somehow seems more credible to read it in UA.
    As a matter of clarification Tony, the accent you refer to is actually an Irish symbol and called a ‘fada’
    Used over the letter i it has the effect of converting the phonetic from i (as in eye) to ee (as in glee).
    This is undeniable proof that Gonzalo Higuain ( or Seamus O’ Higguaeen as his Irish family know him) is really Irish and probably a cousin of Chippy Brady (sure we’re all related over here).
    Welcome Seamus!!

  • Tony
    Nailing the colours to the mast, eh?
    Very brave.
    The whole Joveteic thing seems to have fallen through, but ask any Italian, never trust the Florentines.

    the Gonzo deal sounds sweet. Win-
    win for everybody.
    The fact (I know) that AFC have the readies to pay for the deal in cash up front must make the madrelistas drool.
    Another superb tactical move by Le Boss, the cash in hand at Madrid will only encourage them to bid for Chimpface. double win.
    I would have been happy if Wenger had helped out Dortmund our of their dilemma of finding a non Munich serious buyer for lewandowski. Alas even with Poldi tapping him up we will miss out.
    Nevertheless, Gonzo-Giroud-Theo with Poldi-Santi-the Ox supplying the ammo doesn’t sound bad at all. It sounds like 70-80 goals this season among that lot to me.

  • Sorry, a bad combination of iPhone and WordPress.

  • Nelson Wong

    I think Arsenal got a shot at Higuain due to 1) different business model; 2) Real’s purse isn’t as strong since economy in Spain is hm… not so good

    First thing first. It is every coach’s dream to have a player like Higuain on the bench just in case things aren’t going as plan on the pitch. The issue is about $$$. He is very expensive for a bench warmer and power sub.

    The Real business model depends on buying players to 1) give strength to team; 2) generate interest, publicity and income would come in after such signings.

    Real relies on that to make money and their fans expect it to happen year by year. Even if they do not deliver, the fans can show off their big collection of “stars”. If such a “star” suites the team and deliver on the pitch, than they keep him. Otherwise they cut loss.

    At the mean time, we MUST apprecite Higuain for doing his work for such a long time at Real because clearly he isn’t one of those stars and aren’t bringing the marketing attention. He is there to do the “dirty work” that is vital but no one want to do.

    So far, Real has not bring in anyone yet. They have a huge problem because they are without a head coach while every other big team in Europe scramble for the few top players they can get a hand on.

    When the coach arrives, he will have to buy someone from limited choice at limited price. He could just go with the current team but that doesn’t fit the business model. Besides, every coach, many with big ego, would want to fix a team by bringing in someone.

    If Real has the $$$, no problem but I think they are far less powerful than they used to be. So they have to find some $$$ one way or the other.

    In the end, they just decide they rather let Higuain go. In a way, that’s very unfair for him but thats how things work in many big teams.

    I really want Higuain to join. The most important reason is for certain his skill on the pitch but I also admire the fact that he sit out such a long spell in Real.

    He does not look like someone who will cause a fight in the changing room because of line-ups, and he is not someone who just go away saying “my little me inside tells me to go to XXX”. He is 25 and if he can work with the team, there’s many years of good service. When he gets old into his 30s, the team could still retain him a few years as a power sub to help the youngsters. (See what Roisky brings to the team. He does not play a long spell but he delivered when it counts)

  • WalterBroeckx

    I have just seen this clip on youtube or whatever it was about Higuan.

    If he can produce the same for us…and given the way Wenger can improve strikers (TH, Adebayor, RVP, Walcott….)and given that after I changed my trousers after I wetted them I do think that he might be a good buy.

    Please release us,…. 😉

  • Rupert Cook

    @Shard, well I’m around Monday but only for a few hours. It would have to be west London though and it depends what time you’d be around.

    Higuain, great scoring record, not as good as Ted Drake’s but certainly looks a great addition if we get him.

  • Shard

    Well it would be interesting to see that a rupert cook really exists and isnt some new advanced trollbot 🙂

    Whereabouts in west london? There is a possibility that i might be out of london on monday as well but i Will let you know if thats the case.

  • Rupert Cook

    Ealing/Hammersmith/Richmond area, so quite a large area. If I were a trollbot I don’t think I’d be a very advanced one, I’m feeling my age these days.

  • AL

    If this happens, it goes on to show that professional footballers value Arsene highly as a manager. Higuain had the option to join City, Juventus, and other so-called high profile clubs. Or even staying on at RM picking a very fat cheque at the end of every month. He would’ve clearly got more money at these clubs than he will ever get at Arsenal, so that he decides to join us is a vote of confidence in our manager. Hope a certain section of the fans and media take note of that.

  • Stuart

    I still haven’t seen it on so wont be getting my hopes up just yet.

  • Mandy Dodd
    Come on arsenal get hig signed up I remember citeh were interested in him last year. They need a top striker falcao gone they won’t pay for cavani won’t get Rooney….Suarez…maybe ….that leaves…..

  • Stuart

    Your link doesn’t work Mandy Dodd

  • Mandy Dodd Sorry Stuart try this if not it is in bbc sport football section

  • Shard

    As it turns out I’ll be in Bath on monday so that wont work out. I can meet in the evening today. Maybe Tomorrow evening as well after watching an arsenal legends charity match in barnet. Tuesday Evening im leaving But the morning is free.

  • Adam

    We might be going to that match? Still not sure, weather dependent.

  • Rupert Cook

    @Shard, I could meet up Tuesday morning probably. Suggest a time and place.

    Enjoy Bath.

  • jax

    I can confirm that Rupert is a real living person with a sharp wit and a really nice bloke & worth meeting. Known him for a few years and can vouch for him….you will be safe.

  • Rupert Cook

    @Jax, thanks for the glowing reference. I wouldn’t disagree with your estimation of my character.