Getting your house done over by a load of scoucer thieves can’t be a nice experience for anyone, but it is hard to have too much sympathy for Liverpool Insolvency’s Robbie (call me Roberto, it sounds more manly) Keane.
Keane knew that he was going to Liverpool which is in, err, Liverpool, home of the thieves from, sort of, Liverpool. If he were able to read (and if being able he then chose to read) he would realise that people who join the Insolvencies get stuff nicked from their homes in Liverpool, because that is what happens in Liverpool.
So lo and behold, how amazing, how extraordinary, he became the seventh (yes honest, I am not making this up – I mean I do make a lot of this up, but not this one) yup, the seventh footballer at Liverpool Insolvents to be burgularised while playing away (as footballers say). He was playing for the little people.
So in one go, the world strikes back. I am not glamorising theft in any way, but somehow it just strikes me as rather droll that a man chooses to go to Liverpool, home of theft, knowing that players who play for Liverpool get their stuff nicked when playing for their country, or in Euro games, and then has stuff nicked in that way.
Keane and his wife have not even got a house (undoubtedly due to fear that some on would nick it) and so have been living in a hotel penthouse. It was the penthouse that was burgled while Keane played little games with Ireland.
A spokeswoman for Merseyside police said: “Ullo wak, ay ay la, they nicked your Toxteth briefcase? Rubbish. Shut yer gob n git on wi yer knitting. Yer a tanner-meggr wit Pool na? Yer wanna be carryin no leavin wak.”
Last December the club’s mascott and resident dodo, S Gerrard, had his home robbed by four men in balaclavas and eating toffee apples while his team won 4-0 against Marseille in a Champions League match.
Dirk Kuyt, Jerzy Dudek, Pepe Reina, Daniel Agger and Peter Crouch have all been burgled. The club put in place extra security for its players, and as we can see, it has worked well.
Police believe the thefts are the work of criminals.
- Arsenal v Leicester footnote: bad runs and past games
- Arsenal v Leicester; the injuries, the team, recent games, ludicrous predictions
- Arsenal v Leicester: comparing the form, and the goalscorers
- Arsenal v Leicester: how will the ref handle Leicester’s multiple tackling?
- What sort of referee is Darren England? The statistics reveal some odd facts.