Welcome to the future. Golden Generation II (TM) is here and it is led by Theo Walcott. According to the Daily Mail England are now so good that the World cup doesn’t even have to be played and FIFA will hand it over next week.
England will also win the Olympics – and indeed Theo will win the 60m dash gold medal.
England, whose players are of such an incredibly high skill ratio, largely because they are English, will then go on and win the Copa America, the European Nations Cup, the Africa Nations Cup, the Emperor Haile Selassie Cup, and the Football Combination.
Theo is the youngest player ever to score a hat trick for England since Richard the Lionheart scored two against Jerusalem all starts during the Crusades.
“Theo is clearly the best player in the universe” said the Mirror, while the Star revealed that Wayne Rooney had offered Theo his wife for the night if Theo scored more than Wayne did.
The Sun says, “It’s the Sun wot dun it” referring to their article 19 years ago when a reporter visited the Walcott home on Mr and Mrs W’s wedding night and radio 5 did a feature on Scotland beating Iceland.
Clearly this group of England players have shown that no one (and that includes the team currently being put together on Mars for an invasion later this week of Surbiton) can ever beat England, and that and endless round of “England, England, England” and a picture of a couple of rather mangy looking lions on Setanta should get us through everything including the inter-galactic cup which England will also win.
As for Wenger, as Radio 5 said last night, he is totally to blame for holding Theo back, and if only Theo had gone to another club then he would have been playing for England when he was 12 and we would have won the last two world cups.
In fact, according to the Express following the turning on of the Large Hadron Collider in Swizzyland this week, England did win the last two world cups.
The Express also has revealed that Theo played with only one boot, and the Financial Times have noted that Arsenal are now so much in debt that they will sell Theo next week to allow the club to continue for a further few days.
Meanwhile four Liverpool players had their houses broken into. (See “It wouldn’t happen at Arsenal, yesterday).
Highlight of the night was the music that Setanta played during the resume of the match. Postmodernist in style it was made up of a series of 8 bar phrases repeated over and over. I rather liked it. Anyone tell me what it was?
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