Why the AAA behaves as they do
From the case notes of
Dr Brian. MBChB, BSc, Dip.So.Mani@c
Consider 2,008 years ago in the days just before football was a twinkle in Tony’s eye, Narcissus was a really, really, really good looking bloke who suffered from the unwelcome attentions of a nympho called Echo (so good they named her twice), but gave her the cold shoulder as his heart belonged to another.
Echo’s BFF ( best mate) Nemesis who specialised in revenge didn’t like the fact that Echo got the old heave-ho and cursed Narcissus (not by calling him a tw@t, but a magical curse) and he ended up gazing into a pond at his own reflection for eternity (or forever whichever came first).
His mind began to wander and he fell deeply in love with himself (as some are prone to do) and eventually committed suicide having realised he could never have himself. (Yes in that way!)
A sad story indeed and who would have guessed so many of the words we use today in everyday speech and in Medicine were originally based on the names and deeds of old dead Greek folks.
Now we all know a mirror-hog or two and may well accuse them of being vain, toteamazeballs or generally up them self, but on occasion individuals take it much, much further.
Quite recently in my Wetherspoon’s Surgery I met a very troubled young man, for the sake of confidentiality let’s call him Mr AAA.
Sadly triggered by a traumatic event earlier in his childhood he started to display bizarre behaviours and thought processes. His mind like many other lost souls had begun to meander into the cognitive wastelands.
His thoughts had wandered away from the well lit paths and tidy lawns of sanity and strayed into the unhealthy suburbs of Aberrant Behaviour-Ville, they took the third right at the Amygdalar roundabout and ended up in Personality Disorder or PD land.
There are many strange places in PD land and on the wrong side of the tracks in the region known as Cluster B you might find the villages of Histrionic PD.(drama queens live there) and Antisocial PD. where monsters live.
Nearby you will find the superficially picture postcard perfect hamlet of Narcissistic PD
The people who live there like Mr AAA are interesting to say the least and it is said by the few who have visited and managed to return that
- They believe they have special powers, are uniquely talented and believe that they deserve special treatment.
- They have smaller than average penises often combined with Peyronie’s Disease. (Not the lager!)
- They disregard and disrespect the worth and opinions of those around them irrespective of how well informed.
- They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success and power and have a sexual affinity for farmyard animals.
- They fantasise and masturbate about their superior intelligence or stunning beauty.
- They display an attitude that is arrogant and superior poorly compensating for their micro orchidism.
- They actively seek to create conflict with normal people who naturally dislike being treated in a condescending fashion.
- They feel devastated when they intermittently realise that they have normal limitations and these realisations are accompanied by feelings of alternating rage and shame often manifested by beating their naughty knob with a dessert spoon.
- They lack all empathy for others and their relationships are superficial and devoid of real intimacy often triggering chronic premature ejaculatory problems when on escalators.
- They blog extensively and negatively about famous and special people. This provides them a disproportionate sense of importance.
- They shift from over-idealising their idols to devaluing them to showcase their superiority.
- They require constant admiration from others in order to bolster their own fragile self-esteem and stuff a rolled sock in their pants. (Sometimes down the front)
- They are manipulative in extracting the necessary attention from all of the people around them and then swiftly discard them like an used, very damp and sticky snotty tissue.
Tragically for Mr AAA there is no magic pill or simple cure (though a Brillo pad enema has shown promise) and his only hope would involve reprogramming his cerebral sat-nav by a well-trained psychologist or psychotherapist with high voltage cattle prod.
Failing this rather than seeking to get help for someone like Mr AAA with NPD, it might be more useful for us to learn coping skills and techniques for dealing with them; namely deprive them of the attention they seek and hope they go away or literally kick ( figuratively is for pussies) them in their diminutive nuts.
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