DEAL AGREED– £165,000-A-Week Arsenal target agrees to sign spoof and other stories

By Sir Hardly Anyone.

Well my dears, while Untold is speaking about reality, evidence based football reporting, and general whatnot, what is the rest of the football world discussing?  Wild ravings and unsupported rants by and large.  So what have we been fed of late?

Well, the usual load of drivel.  But the number of people reading these sites seems to be going down so maybe our occasional spoof pages are actually making one or two people realise that these sites are the wild ramblings of disorientated minds.

And with that in mind we are off.

DEAL AGREED– £165,000-A-Week Arsenal Target Agrees To Sign, Will Complete London Move.

That was on an Arsenal news accumulator site and appeared on the name of which suggests some sort of Arsenal orientated site.  And it says

Reports have it that Paris Saint Germaine striker, Edinson Cavani has agreed a deal, in principle, to join English Premier League. The player has always been touted to join the EPL in previous transfer window and now seem set to arrive next summer. However, to a rival club.

According to latest reports, the 28-years-old has agreed to join London rivals, Chelsea, in the summer transfer window.

Moving on…

Surprise, Wenger Could Hand First Ever PL Start To Attacker vs Swans tells us that Arsene Wenger is contemplating handing a first Premier League start to Joel Campbell in the face of a midfield injury crisis at the Emirates Stadium, as per the Telegraph. 

Not really that much of a surprise is it?  Really?

He’ll become Iniesta!’ Arsenal fans excited by shock transfer news

Talk Sprout really got rather excited on this one.

There was plenty of hype surrounding Dan Crowley last year and he earned himself a chance to play first-team football with League One side Barnsley swooping to loan the midfielder.

Impressive performances, and a goal against Everton in the League Cup, were forthcoming but now his deal with the Tykes has been cut short and Gunners fans feel they may be about to benefit, just like they did when Francis Coquelin’s loan to Charlton was ended early last year.

Now this is contradicted by caughtoffside which says,

after making just 10 appearances for the Yorkshire side, he has been shipped back to Arsenal before his loan spell was due to officially end.   And it is believed that the reason is because Barnsley’s coaching staff have been left distinctly unimpressed by his performances, with a report adding that the teenager is “nowhere near ready for first-team football”.

Oh but there are of course some real transfers around such as

BREAKING: Arsenal Return To Spain To CONCLUDE£22M Surprise Deal For Star

It’s the highly infamous oohtobeagooner again who claim

Fichajes claims Arsenal are working on a £22million deal to sign Isco from Real Madrid.  The report also adds that Arsene Wenger is planning to strengthen his midfield, and believes Isco is the right man for the Job.

Now what concerns me here is why job is written as Job (meaning the Devil).   Anyway that’s all detail because we’ve got our new manager lined up.

Arsenal Planning Wenger Replacement– A Surprise Choice But One Arsenal Fans Will Like

By Far The Greatest Team tell us that Arsenal are trying to “lure” Patrick Vieira back to the Ems so he can understudy Arsene Wenger and become the new manager.

Confirmed By Skysports- Jose Mourinho To Be Sacked

The repetitive drivel that is By far the greatest team tells us that “Sky Sports are reporting that Jose Mourinho will be sacked should he fail to win at Liverpool. Should he be sacked, he would become the third casualty of managers sacked in the Premier League this season. He will be following Brendan Rodgers and Tim Sherwood out of a job.”

Is it just me or is there a contradiction between “confirmed” and “should he be”?

Meanwhile Breaking News– Jose Mourinho To Leave Chelsea in is a little misleading for the whole story doesn’t say that he is.  In fact it says the opposite.  Funny old world

Here’s a funny one though

Arsenal had agreed deal with£25m-rated Man United star!

The reports from Secret Footballer claim, that Arsenal had a done deal for Morgan Schneiderlin before Arsene Wenger pulled the plug on the transfer.   That is in

And so we come to Pep Guardiola To Hold OFFICIAL Discussion With Arsene Wenger  which appears in

And the talks are about… “the outrageous Arsenal prices”.  That must be the fact that Arsenal fans endlessly have to pay about 300% more when the club play league cup matches away than when they play at home.  Or that when Arsenal play away in the league, about 50% of the time we have to pay far more for lowest rate tickets than Arsenal fans play at the Emirates.  Or maybe that we don’t have Allianz, T, Audi and Addidas ploughing billions into the club month after month.

Confirmed: Midfielder will join Arsenal in January! says

Actually  he hasn’t – even on this spoof site.  The-23-year old Portugal international William Carvalho  has been heavily linked with Arsenal several times, during the previous transfer windows, but the Gunners were failed to agreed terms with Sporting CP.

Arsenal will battle Premier League giants Chelsea and Manchester United to sign defensive midfielder in January, when the Winter transfer window re-opens, and are ready to offer at around 35,5 for Carvalho.

Here’s one I like particularly.  Arsenal News Roundup: Wenger will land stunning stars at Emirates, Arsenal will anounce SHOCK deal in January!

According to British media outlets Arsenal enter the race with EPL giants for PSG star Ezequiel Lavezzi, and now are close to confirm deal….

Time will tell Arsenal will complete Lavezzi deal in January or it is just a newspaper speculation.

I love that “time will tell”.  Oh do me a favour.


30 October 2009: Possibly having been encouraged by Tottenham fans, or possibly just through an unwillingness to do proper research, The Guardian reprinted the story about Arsenal gaining promotion in 1919 through some corrupt means.  As always there was no evidence presented to back up the case, and no serious presentation of the mass of evidence to the contrary.

30 October 2012: Reading 5 Arsenal 7 in league cup.  Arsenal went 4-0 down before fighting back to become the first team ever to score 6+ in consecutive league cup games.  The goalscorers in order were  Walcott, Giroud, Koscielny, Walcott, Chamakh, Walcott, Chamakh

You can find all the Arsenal Anniversaries on Arsenal On This Day.

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7 Replies to “DEAL AGREED– £165,000-A-Week Arsenal target agrees to sign spoof and other stories”

  1. It’s peculiar how a few words mistakenly omitted from a report, can make all the difference to the meaning. The Barnsley coaches are reported to feel that Dan Crowley “is nowhere near ready for first team football”…..”of the type played by Barnsley FC”.
    You see, Dan isn’t actually a bad player after all! 😉

  2. Those MSM outlets are so desperate for clicks. Yes, let’s replace Wenger with that experienced manager, Paddy Vieira…..lets…..
    Wonder if Dan Crowley is related to Aleister, if so, should be a beast of a player.

  3. The fact is, even the Boss himself can’t say for sure he’ll sign a new player or players for Arsenal when the next winter widow reopened. The hopes are the 3 Gunners who are the latest on the Arsenal injury list will recover and be back into contention for selection after the international break. Thereby lessened the pressure on the Boss to recruit any new recruit into his squad. And there could even be the added advantage gained ahead of the injured trio returning date, as 1 or 2 Gunners could break in into the 1st team from their fringe Gunners status if at the end of the proceedings at the Liberty Stadium on Saturday, he or them the fringe Gunners that started the game, had an audacious outing for Arsenal. And looks to break in into the 1st team and broke in. At the end of the day, the signings of new players by the Boss in the winter will depend on the general injury status and form of the individual top Gunners in the 1st team. Which may call for reinforcement of the squad for the 2nd the half campaign in the season,

  4. Well said ‘Sir’.

    “Those MSM outlets are so desperate for clicks. Yes, let’s replace Wenger with that experienced manager, Paddy Vieira…..lets”

    ..pretty much.

    In fact, I read somewhere that Gary Monkfish and Eddie Howezthat could be future Arsenal Managers………… Oh dear.

    I guess we live in a World where journalism has been replaced with click baiting.

    Instead of selling newspapers, we now have online saturation with wanabee journalists competing with each other to see who can tell the most outrageous ‘porkie’ to generate page views and work the readers up into hysteria. Hence all those basement dwellers hitting social media outlets and phone in shows to publicly burn their bras and panties.

    It has become almost impossible to read a match report that is about the match and not a sly attack on someone. Any chance of reading about a 6 pass move or a fantastic tackle is replaced with some comment about Wenger being unable to do up his coat, Coquelins Grandfather being unable to find size 10 slippers in the Armoury or Stan Kroenke mugging some old person in Holloway Road for their pension money.

    The media outlets have even stooped to trolling the blogs to look for comment that suits their own agenda.

    Frequently a certain blogger with a dislike for Wenger can be heard on Talksport or seen writing for the DM. His jaw droppingly stupid articles include a feature on “Tottenham teach Arsenal a lesson on Transfers” and “I am so fking smart I no longer need stabilisers on my bike” and “The sun shines so brightly out of the back of my arse, I can no longer do moonies without casting a fking shadow over the whole of North London”

    It’s what people want apparently, smug self promotion and spiteful negativity. No chance Untold will be contacted for Tony and Walter to enlighten them on the true feelings of the true supporters.

  5. Proudkev,

    about your last paragraph…. there is a chance that I will be invited in the studio of Play Sports (what you could call the Belgium Sky Sports more or less) for the match in March between the tiny totts and the mighty Arsenal. As I never watch these pre-between-after shows around the big match (I will do now just to see in what kind if whasp nest I will find myself) I don’t know how things will pan out but you can be assured that at least in Flanders the voice of the true supporter and the voice of Untold will be heard!

  6. Walter, that’s great to hear I hope you do in fact get invited on. Keep us informed.

    It always makes me smile that that TV pundity is again Northern dominated. The main presenters are Jamie Carragher (Liverpool) and Gary Nevile (Man Utd) ably assisted by Jamie Rednapp. When BT had the Bayern Munich coverage, they had Owen Hargreaves (ex Bayern/Man Utd) and Michael Ballack (ex Chelsea and Bayern), Rio Ferdinand (Man Utd) and Ian miserable Wright (ex Arsenal flip flopper). So two Bayern. When Man Utd played, all pundits were ex Man Utd players with Paul Scholes, Rio Ferdinand, Owen Hargreaves and Michael Owen.

    So good to see a balance!!

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