Inattentive journalists and pundits totally bemused by the notion of offside

By Tony Attwood

Poor Sky.  Poor Sky commentators. (I think one of them is Niall Quinn, the other Rob Hawthorne).  Come to that poor Guardian reporters.

Goals are not goals unless the referee gives them as goals.  And then the goal is followed by a kick off by the other side.  In the centre circle.  Quite a regular occurrence.

Now you probably know that.  I know that.  Even Bulldog “two Bellerins” Drummond knows that.  But it seems that the Sky commentary team don’t.

Man City, one nil down, got the ball in the net, but with one player very, very obviously offside.  But so much did the Sky team (which is not the same as Team Sky, who are cyclists accused of all sorts of dodgy doings) want, demand and need a Manchester City goal and indeed win, to meet the script that they had prepared in advance, that there was much celebrating among the commentary staff.

So we had replays and celebrations and much discussion about how this would now kick start Manchester City on their way to overtaking the utterly unnecessary and completely useless Arsenal who had the temerity to overtake Man C and indeed the almighty Totteringham.  Oh yes, we would now see the game “open up.”  This is Manchester City.  They MUST Win.

Only then, when the camera went back to the game, did the commentary team realise that perhaps, maybe, possibly, something was wrong.  Only then did they see that there had been no kick off.  Isn’t there supposed to be a kick off by the team that had conceded, after a goal?   Yes surely that was so.

But no, really, why bother?  Man City and their glorious stadium paid for by me (a UK tax payer) and others of the same ilk, had to win.  I mean, they had to.

Only then, a couple of minutes on, and with the camera showing the game continuing, did the Mighty Quinn, finally get around to suggesting that something was wrong.   “I think he might have not given it,” said Quinn eventually.  Wow!

Some quick covering up, and then the blame was put on… the crowd, who it was said, had gone very quiet.   Yep, it was the supporters who were to blame.  I always knew it was us.

Mind you even the Guardian, running the game on line screwed it up writing…

GOAL! Manchester City 1-1 Southampton (Stones, 32)

You notice the exclamation mark.  They get quite excited chez Guardian (York Way N1 if you want to know).

It took them a couple of minutes to catch up (they are presumably watching on Sky rather than having all the cost of sending anyone to the far, far, north.  It’s a passport thing).

Eventually they came up with


Mind you after a few pints (or is it a few bottles of the red in York Way), it is hard to follow some of these stupid boring finer points.

It’s half time, and it is 0-1 to Southampton.   But to Sky and the Guardian it is 1-1 – although they would rather that no one mentions this.  The Sky official line is that the goal was “later ruled out”.

Sorry guys.  That is gibberish.

But it is Sunday, and I am still trying to recover from dancing the night through.  So I sympathise.  Except no one is paying me to write this.  I suspect the Guardian and Sky people are getting some money.

As the second half began Quinn accused Man C of not paying attentive.  

I rest my case m’lud.


Recent tales from Untold and the Arsenal History Society

Wenger ponders whether Yaya Sanogo will ever really be good enough for Arsenal. 

Manipulative, misleading and ill informed: the debate over empty seats at the Ems

Arsenal – Middlesbrough : 0-0 too slow and not precise enough in the passing

Arsène’s birthday message: “It’s not as easy as it looks”. Arsenal v Middlesbrough – the teams and stuff.

The “Striking Department”. How Arsenal have avoided the trap of the one man strike force.

Arsenal v Middlesbrough, 22 October 2016 – The Match Officials

Former Arsenal player John Barnwell talks about his years at Highbury


16 Replies to “Inattentive journalists and pundits totally bemused by the notion of offside”

  1. Calm down Tony, It’s hardly worth bothering with.
    They thought it was a goal……it wasn’t.
    I’ve been there, haven’t you?

  2. I watched the Man City vs Southampton match live from start to finish. Immediately the City goal went in via Stones, i said off-side to myself as I saw a City player off who turned out to be Aguero as the ball was played into the Saints’ box. But I thought the goal was allowed to stand but only for me to note it wasn’t as I looked at score on the left top of my TV. Honestly, I didn’t see the referee assistant waved his flag for off on the TV.

    The result of the match has ended 1-1 as we all might have known. And Man City have gone back to the top of the table albeit Arsenal failing to beat Boro yesterday.

    If Arsenal did not stop this kind of carelessness in their team and individual game as the season progresses and be dropping points for no concrete reason, it could cost us the title. Arsenal were billed not only to spank Boro yesterday at the Ems but they were widely expected to mould them to the shape they want to. But against all expectations, the Gunners failed to collect the maximum points at stake to top the table properly on the 2nd time of asking in 8 days.

  3. We all know that the football coverage today is worse than years ago, even with all the technology and it seems to be getting worse.
    A draw for the other two playing today will help to make the lost of 2 points yesterday not so tragic, but as Samuel says, the somewhat lacklustre performance yesterday needs to stopm but changes in the team will cause some minor problems or hiccups.

    For me Elneny and Le Coq together does not usually pan out, but with Santi injured and Xhaka suspended we had no other options.

  4. One thing I would like to see, is some indication as to where the ball is. I don’t play chess, but maybe something like

    HQ0 (Home Queens level 0) might be a location for a goal kick to be taken from.

    The comments in live commentary may come only every 1 (2? 5? more) minutes apart, so maybe you see

    HQ0 HQB5 HQR8 AQB1 …

    at the beginning of a comment. When they “play” started it was a goal kick to the home team taken from the Queens side, which was played more or less straight up the field to past halfway, which was passed to a player near the sideline about level with the Away penalty area, where the away team took over possession and … There is lots of ambiguity into how the ball gets to the locations and what happens, but it at least tells us what the ball has been doing.

    Instead of some commentator telling us about how stupid the hairdo of player XYZ is, and that is their comment on the game for the benefit of people not able to attend in person.

    Heck, a person could make up a little program to take this string of possession positions, and display a little “movie” of what the ball did.

    0 1 2 3 4 _ 5 6 7 8 9
    9 8 7 6 5 _ 4 3 2 1 0

    In the above script, I had HQR8 and then AQR1. I think the two Queens are on the same side of the table, and position 8 for home is the same as position 1 for away. So this indicates a change in possession.

  5. u was right Tony, i watch the match via internet streaming. at first it was Sky coverage, after Stones put the ball into the net and celebrating i notice how the crowds cheering but it dies down after 5 second but the scoreline at the top left of the screen still showing 1-1 and it takes some minute before they revert the scoreline back. when the crowd cheering dies down during Stones celebrating, it feel quite weird so i open another stream’ NBCSN and guess what, the scoreline was 0-1 but on Sky coverage it still show 1-1. WTF is going on here. another thing i want to pointed out here is how the journos, pundits and commentators keep saying they thought City would running away with the title this season based on their opening 4 or 5 match. what a bollocks plus how them journos and pundits alike hail Liverpool win last nite as magnificent but in reality they win just by a 1 goal margin and how Arsenal draw is treated like a big lost. not to mention they (journos and pundits alike) never once mention that Liverpool did not have European commitment in midweek and how their squad get a full week rest and avoid the risk of injuries to their regular starter like Arsenal had with Santi Caz. i’m not trying to make any excuse or take anything from their win last nite and i don’t mind the critics thrown at Arsenal but at least they (journos and pundits alike) should be fair with their assessment toward any club (about their advantage and disadvantage) accordingly to the result the team got, even tho i already get used to their Arsenal bashing left, right and center whenever we drop points. i wish they will behave more professional and relevantly next time around but i will not be holding my breath for that cos deep down i guess they will always act this way and some’thing will never change

  6. @Pat’ me to, now that classless eyes poker/women abuser had a nerve to criticized Conte for his goal celebration in the same time he forget about all his past behavior like shake other manager hands before the final whistle (of cos only if his team is winning) and many other childish behavior. now i’m gonna browsed YT to see his post match press conference for today’s game, some say it’s gonna be comedy gold

  7. A tempest in a teapot but it made me laugh to see Mourinho getting his arse kicked by his former boyz!!!
    There are already whiners,aaa and other moaners claiming that our tie on the weekend is a defeat and that our season is over! Despite this, apparently City,Totteringham and others didn’t read the script so things are about where they were a few days ago. How desperate are these turnips to have Arsenal lose a game so they can scream bloody murder at everyone.

  8. Was a bit down with the draw on Sat , even if it meant that we went top for a while. And stayed there after the Liverpool game .
    But City also drawing did cheer me up somewhat .
    But the Moaning one’s new team getting thrashed by his old one made me laugh and cheery again !
    That and all them commentator types again getting it all wrong again ..and again..and again !

  9. Sent to me by Manure fan .

    Question : Why did Manchester United go to Stamford Bridge ?

    Answer : Four nothing !

  10. Only certain professionals can get away saying these:

    Doctor: “Please take off your clothes.”

    Dentist: “Now open wide and hold still.”

    Veterinarian: “How’s your pretty pussy?”

    Gardener: “Want me to fertilize your bush?”

    Lawyer: “Let’s go over Section 69.”

    Banker: “If you withdraw too early you lose interest.”

    Chef: “Do you like it hot and spicy?”

    Police: “You don’t need protection.”

    Army personnel: “Load. Aim. Fire.”

    Swimming instructor: “Go deeper.”

    Gym trainer: “Push harder”.

    Interior Decorator: “Once its done, you will love it.”

    Telephone Guy : “Would you like it on the table or against the wall ?

  11. Did anyone else notice Garth ‘FatBoy’ Crooks getting very excited on MoTD, about how Arsenal not winning on Saturday meant that they could defintely not win the League this season? His hysterical rant was embarassing to watch – almost jumping out of his chair – incoherent babbling.
    Strangely, he was absolutely silent on the Spuds drawing at Bournemouth by the same scoreline; and having one less point and GD than the Gunners.
    And then the cretin Lineker invited him to drool over the botched penalty by Pires all those years ago.
    Could there be a Spuds conspiracy at the Beeb? I think we should be told…

  12. Mutants in the Medja

    A common theme in post game story telling (is it reporting?) in the medja, is to claim that some learning was done. As most medja seem to be humans, and humans usually have five digits at the end of their four appendages, it is common to claim they learned five things.

    Well, The Sun is claiming they learned seven things from the Arsenal AGM.

    Do they have a story writer who has 7 digits? Is it their dominant hand, or the hand they use to hold the paper while they scribble with a crayon using their dominant hand?

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