By Tony Attwood
Poor Sky. Poor Sky commentators. (I think one of them is Niall Quinn, the other Rob Hawthorne). Come to that poor Guardian reporters.
Goals are not goals unless the referee gives them as goals. And then the goal is followed by a kick off by the other side. In the centre circle. Quite a regular occurrence.
Now you probably know that. I know that. Even Bulldog “two Bellerins” Drummond knows that. But it seems that the Sky commentary team don’t.
Man City, one nil down, got the ball in the net, but with one player very, very obviously offside. But so much did the Sky team (which is not the same as Team Sky, who are cyclists accused of all sorts of dodgy doings) want, demand and need a Manchester City goal and indeed win, to meet the script that they had prepared in advance, that there was much celebrating among the commentary staff.
So we had replays and celebrations and much discussion about how this would now kick start Manchester City on their way to overtaking the utterly unnecessary and completely useless Arsenal who had the temerity to overtake Man C and indeed the almighty Totteringham. Oh yes, we would now see the game “open up.” This is Manchester City. They MUST Win.
Only then, when the camera went back to the game, did the commentary team realise that perhaps, maybe, possibly, something was wrong. Only then did they see that there had been no kick off. Isn’t there supposed to be a kick off by the team that had conceded, after a goal? Yes surely that was so.
But no, really, why bother? Man City and their glorious stadium paid for by me (a UK tax payer) and others of the same ilk, had to win. I mean, they had to.
Only then, a couple of minutes on, and with the camera showing the game continuing, did the Mighty Quinn, finally get around to suggesting that something was wrong. “I think he might have not given it,” said Quinn eventually. Wow!
Some quick covering up, and then the blame was put on… the crowd, who it was said, had gone very quiet. Yep, it was the supporters who were to blame. I always knew it was us.
Mind you even the Guardian, running the game on line screwed it up writing…
GOAL! Manchester City 1-1 Southampton (Stones, 32)
You notice the exclamation mark. They get quite excited chez Guardian (York Way N1 if you want to know).
It took them a couple of minutes to catch up (they are presumably watching on Sky rather than having all the cost of sending anyone to the far, far, north. It’s a passport thing).
Eventually they came up with
GOAL DISALLOWED! AGUERO WAS OFFSIDE!
Mind you after a few pints (or is it a few bottles of the red in York Way), it is hard to follow some of these stupid boring finer points.
It’s half time, and it is 0-1 to Southampton. But to Sky and the Guardian it is 1-1 – although they would rather that no one mentions this. The Sky official line is that the goal was “later ruled out”.
Sorry guys. That is gibberish.
But it is Sunday, and I am still trying to recover from dancing the night through. So I sympathise. Except no one is paying me to write this. I suspect the Guardian and Sky people are getting some money.
As the second half began Quinn accused Man C of not paying attentive.
I rest my case m’lud.
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